SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Basically my question is are single dads viewed as attractive and can they attract women.

Everyone is looking for something different. Some woman might not want to date a person in your situation (which is fine), others will have no issue with it.

Three of my R's after my D were with men who had full custody of all their children and had them full time.

The one guy had three children and one had mega issues (think hospitalized many times for emotional issues/cutting/etc).

and the only people who can look after them overnight is my parents who live a hour away

How old are your children? You will be amazed how quickly this time really does go. Do not get frustrated over this. You will blink and your children will be older and your situation will change.

When I was newly D, I did minimal dating at strange times (think a lunch while you children are at school, etc). But I was quite content with just dating once a month if that was all we could work out.

Short answer: yes.

Longer answer: It's complicated at times.

As others have weighed in, dating with children is a scheduling issue, particularly in the early stages. You will want to keep a love interest separate from your children for a significant period of time. No kid needs to see a dating revolving door. So that requires some scheduling finesse (It can be done--it takes some effort). But you're playing the long game, and this is the best for your kids.

Secondly, I highly, HIGHLY recommend that you limit dating to people who have youngest children AROUND the same age as your youngest (within 2 years, I think works best).

Why?

Because if there is a significant age difference between your youngest children and theirs, there may be issues with expectations around what happens when children go to college, or who are able to drive. You would hate to invest 5 or so years into a relationship to someone and then realize that you are looking at perhaps 5-7 more years of parenting than you initially anticipated. Not that I don't love children (I do), but it's easy to forget that they would be tied to their younger kids while you would be more free. THAT can cause conflict (not always, but it's good to realize that starting out).

I once dated a man whose only child was a good 7-8 years younger than my youngest. It wouldn't have worked for MANY reasons (the largest was he wasn't a terribly great dad), but the age gap wouldn't have worked for ME. I wanted to have some freedom once my children went off to college, and that wouldn't have been possible had I been in a committed relationship or marriage with this person. That, coupled with a complicated ex situation (she was mentally ill--as in really, really ill with weeks-long hospitalizations) and his shitty parenting showed me I didn't need those headaches and that there were healthier people to date.

My ex's AP had very young children when we split (why a woman with 2 children under the age of 5 was flouncing in and out of hotel rooms with a married man causes one pause) and one of the most heartbreaking and difficult things I had to deal with was that they both viewed my daughters (11 and 14 at the split) as in-house child care. It caused some significant conflict for them.

My SO of 10 years now has 4 children (I have two) and his youngest two are within a year of my youngest two. Even though his youngest may move back home in the next month or so, we've had a long enough time that we can work through this. If it happens, it will be temporary and it's not like having a 13-year-old at home when the youngest goes off to college.

I really recommend you look at this as you get to know other single parents. I also recommend you keep your personal life as far from your parenting life as possible for quite some time. It will be difficult, but you'll be glad you did.

Cat

Shit Catwoman, that's a really good point. Ugh.

My kids are 12 and 9 and I've been chatting with a woman with kids who are around 3 and 5.

I do think about the kid age thing a lot.

My youngest is 5 and his youngest is 14. Staying with me means a lot more years of kids in the house for him.

I agree wholly with the dating someone with much younger kids. My youngest is due to leave next month (although in the pandemic, who knows??) and I wouldn't want to have to continue to deal with young kids at this point.

I would like to take issue with dating someone with no kids: my SO doesn't have kids and hasn't been married. Mostly due to a demanding international career but also, because he's had to deal with some FOO issues. He is thrilled to have a ready made family of interesting young adults and has been extremely patient with my taking it slow and being pulled in multi-directions. For some people with out children, dating someone who has them is a way to have that "family" connection for themselves. So keep an open mind, look for connection first and foremost and look for someone who shares the same values.

From my point of view, and my children have articulated this, it's easier to have a relationship with someone without children because I don't have to share myself with another family. My Ex's gf has a younger son and my kids feel hurt when they go on "family" vacations.

If married ones (dads) can why can’t single ones

[This message edited by The1stWife at 10:12 AM, July 23rd (Thursday)]

Lmao 1stwife!

I see a lot of posts say “never married no kids” on OL D. Part me is thinking they say that because they want others to know there is no baggage and their life is less complicated? I supposed that would attract younger singles and maybe that is their goal.

The1stWife

If married ones (dads) can why can’t single ones

Oh Shit! Lol.

CaliforniaNative

I see a lot of posts say “never married no kids” on OL D. Part me is thinking they say that because they want others to know there is no baggage and their life is less complicated? I supposed that would attract younger singles and maybe that is their goal.

Maybe?

I dunno.

I want to date. I want to find someone. That said, I think I'd be okay alone. It's weird, back when I was a teenager/young adult I had all these things that I was looking for. My ex fit less than half of them.

This time around I'm looking for a fit in terms of activities/interests, principles/morals, and that sort of thing. There was a woman I was talking to and she admitted to having cheated in a previous marriage. That put me right off. She was very attractive but....Nah....

Never underestimate the supreme sexiness of an attentive, compassionate single father

Omg yes! After my stbx, I’d think a single dad who is attentive and cares about his kids was a great catch!!! My Wh , when we were divorcing in 2010, would get the kids for the weekend, hire a baby sitter, and go out on a date with ow But you’ll probably attract dates who are a lot like you- parents who put their kids first.

If I met a man who didn’t want to leave his kids for a date, I’d have no issue getting ice cream with the kids or doing a sort of play date . Keep it casual (no this is my girlfriend). Family dinner at home when the relationship progresses. I would not pass just because a man was a dad with responsibilities.

[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 4:04 PM, July 28th (Tuesday)]

Never underestimate the supreme sexiness of an attentive, compassionate single father.

Add the fact that he's doing it all with two daughters, prioritizing them above all else?! Come on.

Yup, this right here. TBH, it's probably the number 1 reason I was attracted to my XH in the first place. He used to let my step daughters paint his toe nails, braid his hair etc. and I found it incredibly endearing how much he cared about them.

Unfortunately he turned out to be MethHead McSexAddict, but c'est la vie. My step daughters are still fucking awesome!