SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

While cheating isn't in the DSM, many behaviors of the cheater are listed as symptomology.

Ummmm, what is DSM?

I am feeling a bit stirred up.

I have been in a thread where men are commenting on what someone’s wife should or should not wear. Since when is this a fashion advice site? How is this even relevant? And where does it state that a woman must dress conservatively. We women can wear whatever the heck we want. I tried 3 times to put a note in the thread but I couldn’t be nice.

And, yep, I am bugged. So bugged. When the word "the" is used in front of "wife", that is flat out degrading. My husband did that one time. He was instantly referred to as my first husband. And look - it came true.

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 4:41 AM, Friday, March 25th]

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. It's used in the mental health field and lists criteria for meeting mental health diagnosis.

I would have NEVER guessed. Thank you!

Tall girl

My wh puts up a stink of I wear a black bra and black underwear out grocery shopping....all the Bras I have are black thats my
Preference and I bought mixed colour underwear packages, black in the mix.

While I do think that it's not appropriate for a married woman to venture out on a girl's night knowing that she's putting herself into a position to be hit on, what a person wears shouldn't matter. It's how that married woman handles the situation.

If she doesn't put a halt to advances or removes her wedding ring she obviously isn't protecting the marriage.

Dragn I agree it is the behaviour that is what needs to change, not the clothes.

I cringed at that thread too Tallgirl. The menfolk deciding what the wife can wear, where she can go, etc.

It's not the majority but I see some real BS old school chauvinism sometimes. It's sometimes subtle but clear that some ideas on women, their roles, their sexuality and their worth are so old and ingrained, good men don't even realize how patronizing and out dated they sound.

I was watching " say yes to the dress" and there is a Shewanda on the show. Isn’t that the name of the person EllieKmas met on the phone that was so inspiring?

Who knows it could be her!!!!!

TG that's close, but it was Rashawnda - may the universe always smile upon her and her awesomeness!!

Aww…. Still good though. It made me smile. 🥳❤️

I have to admit that I am an "appropriate" dresser. I dress for the occasion.

However I have never felt comfortable wearing anything revealing.

I especially hated trashy things disguised as lingerie. STBXH often bought me crap that I felt terribly uncomfortable wearing even in the privacy of the bedroom.

The exAP was a trashy dresser. I’ve seen photos. WH complained that he was embarrassed going out with her, as she dressed in Rags. Bits of fabric trying to be clothing.

The last time they caught up, behind her new man’s back, WH confirmed that again she dressed in dirty rags.

Well the dirty rags is what turned him on in the first place… now her new sucker can admire her dirty rag dress sense.

Women can look and dress however they want to portray themselves.

Sexy doesn’t have to be trashy.

Ladies I have a question.

Did anyone else's wh shave their nether regions during their affair(s)?

That's one flaming red flag for me since wh has always shaved when he's had an affair.

And he knows that's its a red flag because I noticed him changing facing away from me all of a sudden. I wish he had been as diligent cleaning up the shaving mess as he was about me not seeing....

And I got confirmation wh and ap used condoms. Wh was brilliant enough to bring home the little garbage bag of used Condoms and paper towels.

I didn't think there was much more he could shock me with but that shocked me.

Dragn your wh is just not right. Like seriously. He hides shaved bits but doesn't clean up the shaving mess? I was gonna say is he stupid... But we know the answer to that one. Oooof. And the condoms, just wow.

He's such an ass.

I just don't see how you can possibly expect yourself to heal with him there when he has no regard for you at all except for what he wants from you. And you need the space to heal because you've been stuck in this toxic two-step with him for far too long. I hope that some resolution happens soon and you can get some space and peace. You deserve that.

No, my XWH didn't shave down there but he did do a lot of porn. He said guys shave down there because it can make their junk look larger.

One of the things I wish I never knew.

He said guys shave down there because it can make their junk look larger.

That made me LOL

I thought it was for easier, quicker clean up.

Definitely doesn't do much for size.

I guess this isn't the norm then. I know ws will change personal grooming habits when in an A. There were so many things I saw, I wish I had spied sooner.

Dragn

Everything EllieKmas said.

My xh hid his junk from me when he was committed to her. It is all pretty f’ed up.

Talk about red flags being ignored. (By me)

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 4:18 PM, Sunday, April 3rd]

I am so broken today.

I read wh last post about still having feelings for AP.

I mean that's evident by how he was upset that I text her and seemed to he protecting her (and himself) but to actually read that.

Just. Broke. Me.

I need to get locked out of that forum.

Actually I just need him locked out of the house.

He was pissed I didn't make him a coffee when I got mine and was "confused" why I was pissed off.

He walked right into the bedroom as i was getting dressed and I told him off. I asked him for the truth. He kept his feelings for her to himself and only cares about himself. I screamed that he can't love 2 woman so he obviously loves just her if he's ok with hurting me.

Of course he whines that thats why he doesn't post. Fuck!

He thinks I'm pushing him to AP when he wants her. I don't have to push at all.

I am sorry Dragn. I really am.

Your husband doesn’t seem capable of mature emotion. If he feels anything for her, it is those feelings of limerance. My husband told me that he was totally In Love with the AP. Even bought her an engagement ring. I often use the Same words. He broke me.

Look. You are incredibly strong. Smart. Determined. And you are worthy. Are you willing to be married to a serial cheater? Can you? Don’t you deserve a real chance at happiness? If you can’t go forward with him, separate and consider a divorce. And I mean, he no longer lives in the house. Start your healing. If it turns out he does change in time, and you both still love each other, you can get back together. But right now, He is NOT safe. He is a disaster.

He can change, but I am not sure he wants to or if it is just that he is too afraid. It is so much easier to blame the world than to look in the mirror. He has received a lot of sincere advice on that thread. He isn’t "hearing" any of it.

You can’t fix him.

He isn’t listening.

He thinks he is trying, but he is blaming the world.

He is ultimately selfish.

You deserve to heal. Move out of infidelity.

I think you have tried everything to save the marriage, is there anything left that you can do?

When my xwh moved out life calmed down, when he moved out west, life got calmer again. I am able to think. And heal. He isn’t here spinning me around.

I hate saying this to you, But I think it is for the best.

I'm getting the information about separating legally this week. Whatever help I can get im getting. Because mo I can't live like this anymore.

He needs to leave!

I want to text AP and tell her she can have him. Maybe she will convince him to go be with her. I think he really does want that.

I wouldn’t waste your time texting her. She isn’t worth your time at any level. Shame on her.