SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Tanner, I’m so sorry. Prayers of strength and endurance for you and your wife.

Boaz, what a beautiful reflection on family. All the best as you navigate the difficult waters of getting that dirt out from under the rug.

Oops...looks like NONE of us posted in last week's "Thankful Thursday" thread!! With it being summer (almost)...we all have so much stuff to do. Sorry about last week!!

There is SO MUCH to be thankful for...and it is hard to pick a topic...lol!! My garden is THRIVING...and I had roasted grape tomatoes and banana peppers last night...which were DELICIOUS!! Today I am going to process my okra...and probably cook up some tomatoes and okra...YUM!! They are considered a "superfood"...so I should feel like "superwoman" today!!

My immediate family is THRIVING as well...and I am so THANKFUL for that!! Being able to spend time with children and grandchildren brings out gratefulness like nothing else!

Since this is a site on surviving infidelity though...I will focus on being thankful for THRIVING through my 9th A season!! I am still having bad dreams which are waking me up early...but with this being A season I can certainly understand why my lizard brain is doing this. Once I am awake though...and facing the REALITY of how wonderful my M really IS...it soon quiets the anxiety that the dreams bring up.

I am having to fight urges to lash out...and for the most part I am winning...Thank You God! I lashed out ONCE since A season started...over a shopping cart!! I felt horrible after that...so when the urge comes again...I think back to that "after" feeling...and decide it isn't worth my peace of mind to do this. Knowing WHY that urge is there...because of the limbic lag...is truly half the battle! I often say Knowledge is POWER...and I am taking my power BACK!!!

I learned about the limbic lag from a Wayward who posted about it in the Wayward Forum about 8 years ago. After researching more about it...it really HELPED me to understand WHY I was reacting the way I did to certain things. I set out to OWN this A...to take things BACK!! I thought that once I OWNED all of the triggers...I would be DONE. I thought wrong! Triggers still come up in very unexpected places and very inopportune times. The difference though is that now I KNOW I can control my way of thinking about them. Controlling my thoughts controls my attitude which controls how I FEEL...and for TODAY...I am feeling pretty THANKFUL!!

My H has been so GOOD through this. He doesn't have a clue about what all he was doing during this time 9 years ago...but he knows that it is a hard time for ME...and he is doing his best to help me through this. He doesn't always get it right...but that is when I do MY best to help me through this!! Between the two of us...the wounded soul inside of me is...well...THRIVING!!

I need to go and get started on my vegetables! My H just came in with almost half of a Walmart bag of grape tomatoes...from ONE plant!! Bon Dieu!! I am so THANKFUL I can read up on what to do with this abundance!! After this...my freezer should be full of this amazing bounty...and then I can SHARE this with my family and friends. Another thing to be THANKFUL for!!!

What a great post, Want2Be. That’s awesome about your garden!! You are clearly in a warmer climate than me. My tomatoes are still tiny and green, and my okra plants are less than an inch tall! But man, I got some amazing lettuce and mustard greens in my early crop this year, and I will harvest and process the last of them with gratitude today.

I’m also grateful for travels and returns. My daughter went on a trip to Europe with her friends for two weeks right after graduation, and she returned safely last night. My husband and I got to go on a three day getaway to a cabin this week, and I’m thankful to say that some of the spark I’ve been missing (in an otherwise mostly smooth/solid reconciliation trajectory) seems to be returning.

Tanner, I hope your son is doing better. You and your family remain in my prayers.

I finally made it to Thankful Thursday this week.

I found this on my computer screen this morning. I was typing that when my neighbor texted and said "tornado headed our way!!!" I ran outside and sirens were going off, we went and sheltered. It was round after round of some of the worst wind, hail, rain and lightning I’ve ever seen. Although we didn’t have a confirmed tornado there was very high winds and a lot of damage in our area.

Thankfully we have zero damage, our lawn furniture was all over the place and my truck has a couple dings in the hood but a hot summer normally pops them out, it’s not worth an insurance claim and probably isn’t more than my deductible.

Tanner, I hope your son is doing better. You and your family remain in my prayers.

Thank you for the prayers, please keep them coming, we have a couple of hurdles to overcome.

Thank God y'all are alright Coozann!! We have been getting HOT winds down here...but nothing like y'all have. No rain at all. I will keep praying for y'all too Cuz (((HUGS))).

Grieving...mustard greens...YUM!! I am going to stuff tomatoes like I do bell peppers and see how that turns out. I have never had so many tomatoes like this!! I truly thought where I had my garden before was optimal with the full sun...but it seems like a little shade during the heat of the day is what the plants like better!!

I am happy to see your daughter made it safely back home!! And that 3 day getaway for you and your H...AWESOME!! It was around year 3 from Dday that I started feeling we had turned a corner. I am very HAPPY to see some of that spark came back for you. That means you are HEALING...Thank You God!!

originally posted in "reconciliation"
i am a 55 year old married man. we were high school sweet hearts even though we went to different schools. first date was 09 dec 1983 of our sophomore year. i remember the day because the next day was her birthday! we met in an outfit called the "sea cadets", sort of a navy oriented type of scouts. i still remember after an event when my mom asked who that cute girl was. i knew even though i was only 14 that she was the one.

in 1986, joined the navy and two months after graduation, i was running laps yelling "yes sir!" after graduation after my post boot camp training i was posted to the uss nimitz out of bremerton, wa. this is important later. during this time we made the long distance work. we married 20 may 1989. 7 months into our marriage, her dad had a mental break down in december. before this, we had a VERY very healthy sex life. when her dad had this break down, she went frigid, cold turkey with no explanation. in some respects, this was more harmful than what was to come. our sex life never really repaired after that. on 14 january 1990, she became pregnant. our son was born in 02 oct 1990. re enlisted and then got out in 1995, mainly because our son was diagnosed as severely autistic and did not want to leave her alone with that responsibility.

we settle near both our home towns. in our complex. ran into a guy who was a former shipmate from the uss nimitz who remembered me. we became friends. i was and have been a very good husband. have only been with two women sexually my WHOLE life, though tempted a few times. main provider at first. cooked, cleaned, cared for both our kids, treated her right. and when she needed something from me or i had to be corrected, i listened. my only thing was i played D&D on friday nights at a friends house. in december of 2002, while cleaning out my glove compartment and found a note. she wanted to be caught! for the past three months, she and our "friend' while i was gaming. only a few times. he confirmed. she was very remorseful.

it is now 2023. had our 34th anniversary last month. since then, we have had one other rough patch due to a HORRIBLE friend of hers who encouraged bad behaviors in her until she pulled her head out and saw where she heading. yes we are happy. had issues with triggers for a while, i admit

reconciliation CAN work. both parties NEED to be there for one another. have a good sense of humor and communicate.

btw, wanted y name to maccleod, as in from "highlander" but screwed up! LOL!

I made it this week. We are dealing with some medical issues with our Son, he’s in the hospital. My W needed to get an Uber to run to the store. We just upgraded our phones and it logs you out of all apps. My W couldn’t log in and was trying to get ahold of me but I wasn’t picking up. She was frustrated with me and 20 minutes later figured it out. She got on the elevator and there was another mom on there. They started talking and crying together. They exchanged phone numbers and has connected her to a mom’s group of similar situations. It has helped her so much.

If she didn’t have the frustrating delay, that day this would have never happened. It reminded us that sometimes you have to open your sail and let God lead you, sometimes it’s at a slower pace.

macleod...that is an AWESOME post...thanks for sharing it on here!! There is another thread where this post would fit as well...The "Positive Reconciliation Stories" thread at the TOP of this Forum!! You can do the same thing you did here...copy your post and paste it into that thread!!

Tanner...it is AMAZING how God turns things around for us like that isn't it?! I hope your lovely wife will be able to get a lot of information and help from this!

As I started writing this post...a breaking alert came over the news. It seems like the submersible called the Titan has had a catastrophic accident...and all 5 people aboard it are gone. So SAD.

Life is HARD. Some days can be really GREAT...and then something comes out of nowhere to PUNCH you in the gut. We were all told this by Jesus himself who said, "In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world". We don't always read what he said right before this though, "These things I have spoken to you so that in Me you may have peace".

PEACE. I didn't know how MUCH His peace meant to me until I lost it on Dday. I THOUGHT it was happiness I wanted back...hence my username. But it wasn't until I felt PEACE again that I realized this was what I was missing. Not just ANY peace though...Jesus' peace.

I have often written about how ANGRY I was at God when I found out my H cheated on me. I rejected Jesus...I didn't want to be a follower of someone who would allow this much PAIN to happen in my life...not once...as in my 1st M...but TWICE. I was DONE...especially after my H told me how he felt God had condoned his A!! Slowly but surely...as all of the pieces of the A puzzle started to fit...I realized that God definitely did NOT condone the A. As I made my way back into Jesus' open arms...my healing started happening.

I now feel extremely THANKFUL that Jesus allowed me to leave His presence on my own free will...and more importantly...He allowed me to come BACK...with that wonderful PEACE that only He can give!! Trials and tribulations WILL happen...NONE of us leave this world unscathed. BUT...peace WILL happen too...as long as we remain IN Him!!

Ahhh...another Thursday to be THANKFUL!!! I LIKE IT!!

Since 2/3 of America is in an excessive heat watch/warning...I know several of y'all in this great country are just about as HOT as we are here in Cajun Country!!! BON DIEU!!! Thank God for A/C!! It seems like my garden is absolutely LOVING it though...lol!! Another perk...these El Nino winds should HELP to keep the hurricanes out of the Gulf of Mexico. After 3 years of devastating hurricanes such as Laura...Ida...and Ian...the Gulf states can use a little reprieve!!

I have a very grateful heart this morning for some wonderful blessings God has given to our family these last few days. We are dealing with the end-of-life stages for some BELOVED family members which hurt our hearts...but they are doing well for right now...which gives us comfort. I have lost one of my cherished family members...but they passed peacefully...and that was a great comfort knowing they didn't suffer in their last days. I have already started seeing the signs that let me know they are thriving where they are now.

I recently came across something called "Godwinks"...and that was really uplifting for me! I had read "The Dragonfly Story" many years ago which gives me comfort in dealing with the death of loved ones. As a Christian...I KNOW that the resurrection is REAL...and that gives me great comfort as well.

I don't know how to express my feelings well...but with the heaviness of death hanging around...it seems to make LIFE much more precious...if that makes sense. I truly LOVE the life my H and I have had together...both the good and the bad. I would have liked to NOT have infidelity be a part of our M...but I am HAPPY with the choice I made to stay and work on our M despite infidelity. It HURTS to know I will never have the monogamous M I used to dream about. But I would MUCH prefer THIS M...with my H...than to try again with another H to get a monogamous M. This is MY CHOICE. I LOVE this choice!! It sucks that it took all of this to happen before we worked on our M like we should have done in the first place. But the end result is that we DID do the work...and we are in such a WONDERFUL relationship now! WE are HAPPY. WE are THRIVING. WE are BLESSED!!!

God put people in our lives that ENRICHED us...and some He has brought back home. God gave us a life TOGETHER. We screwed that up a time or two...but thankfully...we got back on the right path...worked toward our goal...and ended up even BETTER than before!! We failed Him so many times...too many to count...but He never gave up on us. So TODAY...I am so THANKFUL for the many BLESSINGS God has given us!!

I’m thankful for many things but I just realized tomorrow is 4 years that my WW moved from EA’s to a PA. I have not even thought about 6/30/2019 all month. I’m glad to be about 90% healed, and a much better version of myself than I was 4 years ago.

I’m not sure I ever get to 100% because of the scars and the pain I was put through, but for today I’m thankful to be almost 4 years from Dday.

Another Thankful Thursday post on Friday...oops!! It seems that the hospital procedures we have to go to are done on Thursdays...and I don't remember to write about how THANKFUL I am until the next day!!

Another procedure was successful yesterday...Thank You God!! Different family members seem to be having a whole lot of surgeries and procedures lately...and thankfully they have all come through them just fine. What a BLESSING that is!!

As I am writing this...my H is loading our dishwasher...something he would have NEVER have done before Dday. It was MY JOB as he often put it. It didn't matter what else was going on that I was having to deal with...things like doing the dishes were MY JOB.

Granted...I have never pushed back on this. Even when I was working outside of the home...I had no issue with doing the dishes. I don't like having a messy kitchen in the morning...so I would work until it was clean at night...no matter how late it was for me to go to bed. Lately though...for various reasons...it hasn't been possible for me to keep it up. Dishes are NOT at the top of my priority list right now!!

Without asking...my H saw a need...and took care of it. Just like he did yesterday with our family members. Like he has been doing for several years. This might not mean much to others...but it is HUGE for our dynamic!!

I was on the computer this morning getting documentation ready for something needed for our family members. I was then going to do the dishes...but my H has now done this for me. I was thinking about how THANKFUL I felt for him doing this...and then I remembered how I needed to get on here and share this!!

It may be Friday...but better late than never to write about being THANKFUL!!! Besides...EVERY DAY there is something to be THANKFUL for...right?! So TODAY...I am so THANKFUL for having a husband who doesn't see me as an "employee"...a "subordinate" anymore. He sees me as a husband should see his wife...a PARTNER. More importantly...a CHERISHED partner!! I am also THANKFUL for seeing HIM as a PARTNER as well!!! Dr. Phil says we TEACH people how to treat us...and I am so THANKFUL that we were willing to LEARN!!!

Hey there everybody!! Mannn...summers sure make for lean posts!! I guess y'all are all LIVING your "Thankful Thursday"...that thought makes me HAPPY!!

Today's Bible Study devotional focused on when Joseph was reunited with his brothers in Egypt. They were jealous of him many years before the reunion...and wanted him dead. They sold him into slavery instead...some may say it was a fate worse than death...for a while anyway.

But it all worked out for the BEST! Joseph finally saw that what was meant to destroy HIM...turned out to work for the GOOD of everyone...especially Joseph!

I can look back over these last 9 A seasons and feel much like Joseph did. My H's betrayal was meant to destroy ME. But it DIDN'T. I was in such despair at first...but every day I got a little stronger. Every day my H got more stronger too. I always saw him as a strong person...but we all know on here just how WEAK a person who cheats really is. My H has again become the strong man of integrity that I fell in love with so many years ago!

We owe all of that to turning TOWARD God instead of away from Him like we had been doing. We sure thought we had found our candy store with the decadent lifestyle we initiated after we became empty nesters. But it was leading us on a path of destruction. Thank God we are on a much better path now!!

Our bad choices led to more bad choices that led to our precious M as we knew it being destroyed. What I wouldn't give to go BACK to before we started on that horrible path...and make better choices. But I can't. THIS is the M we have...and we need to make choices that will work for the GOOD of our M...and everyone around us.

We know what WON'T work!! And we know what DOES!! Just like Joseph...I am so THANKFUL that I can see that what was meant to destroy me...God turned it into GOOD...especially for ME!!

It's been a good week and I'm very thankful this Thursday!

H had his first EMDR session last week, and I feel alive again after three sessions with my IC. We're both excited for the changes that come with growth and healing. We had done lots of work on our marriage, but we hadn't worked on ourselves and it feels good.

We spent a couple of hours skinny dipping in the pool and talking about deep stuff, including A topics. H was extremely receptive and open and reassuring.

It's time to start thinking about the transition to a smaller home and a more relaxed pace. There's a job that he would be perfect for, but it's heavily commission-based and the pay cut would be difficult right now. We talked about my need for financial stability and that we both need good health insurance as we age. He said that his primary focus right now is helping me to feel safe, so he won't be changing employment until we've moved to a smaller home and have reduced our overhead. We should be ready for that next summer. It's both exciting and sad. I love my house, and I want continuity for my grandchildren who love it here. They love the pool. They love the tree swing. They love their hidey-hole under the stairs. But it really is a lot to maintain, both financially and physically. He reminded me that we can create what we have here at a new home. We can put in an above-ground pool and hang a swing for the boys, and they'll be just as happy. He's right.

When he said that he's focused on helping me feel safe, that meant the world to me. He's also doing so well with NOT being impulsive when he spends. He's really making big deposits in my love bank by calling me to discuss things before he swipes the credit card. He's said multiple times that he just wants to be on my team.

We're emotionally in tune, intimacy is on an upswing, and we're really enjoying each other's company. Life is good.

SacredSoul33...what an awesome post...thanks for sharing!!!

Another day spent with loved ones at doctor appointments yesterday...so my Thankful Thursday post will be done on Friday...AGAIN!! Sorry y'all!!

I wrote a thread earlier this week showing how I didn't look ONE TIME at any of the "evidence" from my H's A...during this...my 9th A season. YAY for ME!!! One awesome thing to be THANKFUL for!!

We also had the anniversary of our Mv2.0...on the antiversary date on July 19th. YES...it is now a day to CELEBRATE! It is when our M became AUTHENTIC. I would LOVE to say that our M was MONOGAMOUS...but as of July 19, 2014...I knew it would NEVER be that. I could grieve over that for the rest of my life...or I could D my H and get in another M to hopefully get the monogamous M I always dreamed about. I didn't like EITHER of those options. So I chose another option. ADAPT!!

I adapted to having an M that won't ever be monogamous...but it is TRUE now. Can I EVER be 100% sure that it IS a true M? NOPE. Nothing is 100% sure except that we will all face God one day. But is my H worth me taking the chance on? YEP!! He has been an AMAZING H since his confession about his A. I would have probably never known about his A otherwise...he PLANNED on taking his A to his grave. BUT HE DIDN'T. After 2 days of living his lie in front of me...he knew he couldn't keep going in our M unless he told me the truth of what he did. In HIS case...the TRUTH really did set him FREE!!

It put ME in infidelity HELL though. But I didn't stay there. I adapted to my new M...where infidelity is a part of our story. But my H's infidelity is NOT the WHOLE story!! There is also happiness...LOVE...respect...and most of all PEACE!! Ahhhhhhh...THAT feeling...PEACE...is soooooo NICE!! Even in all of the turmoil we have been in since the beginning of this year...WE have PEACE. THIS is another thing to be THANKFUL for!!!

Just making it to Thankful Thursday and I first need to say while reading your post SacredSoul33 I'm thinking I'm reading W2BHA's post.

So to W2BHA I was about to PM you Cuz and ask WTH? you are selling your house? You will miss the memories with the grandkids but what about your garden??? and since when have you had a pool? Any how glad I am now that I have clarity of who posted what

SacredSoul33 a few years ago we downsized our home, got rid of a lot junk that was weighing us down. Then last year we downsized our business, separated from a business partner (on good terms) and eliminated most of our debt. Our business is making us more money than we have ever made but it was a sacrifice at first, we had to fall back to move forward. We have become completely self sufficient and eliminated so much stress, it has helped us draw closer together with the storm that was approaching.

Last Wednesday marked 3 months since our Son (14) was admitted to the hospital. We have been all hands on deck in his healing, my W has not been home in those 3 months and has been by his side fighting and advocating for him. We are a great team and so thankful that God laid the ground work for us to endure this storm. He is doing well but its not over there is still a lot ahead of us.

So to W2BHA I was about to PM you Cuz and ask WTH? you are selling your house? You will miss the memories with the grandkids but what about your garden??? and since when have you had a pool? Any how glad I am now that I have clarity of who posted what

She does write a lot like I do huh Coozann??!! I DO have a pool BTW...and I don't have to maintain it...at the YMCA !!! We can't go skinny dipping in it though!!

Another Thankful Thursday thread on Friday!! Next week will be the same...but then it looks like we will have a reprieve from doctor visits for a little bit. We never know what will happen though...so no guarantees!

We are moving closer to getting our loved ones back to normal since Hurricane Ida almost 2 years ago. It has been quite an emotional rollercoaster ride itself. Sort of like how "Space Mountain" is different than "Rock 'n' Roller Coaster"...this emotional rollercoaster is different than the one I rode after I found out about my H's A. But there are still similarities...and this one has been a real doozy too! Scars still remain from Ida...all over our sweet town. But signs of new growth is still beautiful to see!

NONE of us will go through life without scars. Scars from infidelity are so PAINFUL . But they WILL HEAL . If I dwell on my scars...think about them constantly...I end up in a very negative mindset with NOTHING getting accomplished. Much like some areas of my town after Ida. Some people still are not ready...or able...or both...to be able to rebuild.

BUT...if I even take baby steps to move FORWARD...before long I find how I have moved into a positive place getting all kinds of things accomplished !! My town has done that too in many places!!

My town...my loved ones...we were all at a loss when our little area of the world was destroyed. We didn't know WHAT to DO. But some people DID because they had helped others who had lived through this. These wonderful HELPERS came through for us when we needed them the most. Just like the wonderful HELPERS on HERE!! I can't express how THANKFUL I am for people being here for me...helping me...encouraging me...just being HERE for ME !! I had gone down so LOW that I thought the only way OUT of infidelity hell was to kill myself. I find it so hard to write that...because I don't feel that way now...but it was true at one point. SI was a lifeline that helped me to see that LIFE was worth LIVING again!!! I am so THANKFUL for this TODAY!!!

ETA: Since this is a post about not dwelling on the past and moving forward...I decided it is time to start using emojis again . I MISS my loved ones who have passed on...too many in such a short amount of time . As a Catholic I KNOW they are truly in a much BETTER place...and I need to LIVE here and HONOR their memory. One thing is to live POSITIVELY...knowing I WILL see them again...one GLORIOUS day !! So here's to some annoying posts...with a LOT of emojis !!! They are just too cute to NOT use...don't y'all think ?!

[This message edited by Want2BHappyAgain at 4:45 PM, Friday, July 28th]

Tanner, that's so funny! I'm honored that you thought my post was W2BHA! What a compliment!

we had to fall back to move forward

YES. This! We're looking forward to fewer responsibilities and a more peaceful job for H. The thought of sorting through 35 years of stuff is daunting, but I know that it will lighten the load tremendously.

I love this house, but it's become a bit of an albatross. H used to love taking care of our big yard, but ever since he had back surgery a few years ago, he just can't do it anymore. And now he seems to be having trouble with heat exhaustion. Man, once you deal with that once, it haunts you for the rest of your life. We can't afford lawn and pool services, so it's getting close to time to let it go.

Tanner, I'm so sorry - I hadn't scrolled back in this thread so I didn't know that your son was in the hospital. I'm sending sparkly good juju your way from up here in Denton County.

W2BHA - like Mr Rogers said, "Look for the helpers!"

Today I'm so very thankful that H and I are in IC. I have an appt today at 4 and I can't WAIT to talk to my IC about ADD and its connection to hypersensitivity and anxiety. I've been researching it, connecting the dots, and sharing with my H, who has also been quietly researching it, and it's really helping both of us so much.

I'm thankful for my friends; for my H who tells me every day how grateful he is to be married to me; for health and happiness of my kids and grandkids; air conditioning; IC; tomato sandwiches and Dr Pepper; for just a good life in general. I'm a lucky woman.

Man, I'm just thankful to still be alive, sentient, and active.

I'm sending sparkly good juju your way from up here in Denton County.

Thank you so much neighbor, its damn hot here. We were informed yesterday that it's going to be another 3 weeks, but we have cleared the decks and his healing is our priority.

I'm actually in A season right now, my WW was in a PA from June 30 to August 30, 4 years ago, there is just no time to think or dwell on it, I'm thankful we did so much healing work prior to this storm.

My DDay was 8/2/04, but I'm far enough past it that it doesn't even register anymore. You'll get there too.