SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Here's a Thankful Thursday post on Wednesday ! Some of you on here are in a time zone that makes it Thursday now though...so I am right on time in that case!!

I will be going to another loved one's funeral tomorrow . It was expected...but it is still a shock. Death is so FINAL.

Oddly...I am feeling very THANKFUL tonight. My H and I survived infidelity...we made it across to the other side. Let me just say that it is so NICE to be OUT of infidelity !

One day I am going to be without him...separated by death...unless we just happen to go at the same time. But for NOW...we are TOGETHER...in a wonderful M that we both worked so hard to have. For that...I am eternally THANKFUL !

Well heck...ANOTHER Thankful Thursday post on Friday...SORRY guys!!! Seeing that there were no other posts after I posted last Thursday...I am guessing a LOT of y'all are pretty busy now too !!

I have to start off with being THANKFUL for another post in the "Positive Reconciliation Stories" thread...THANK YOU Stillconfused2022!!

I have so MUCH to be thankful for lately...but I won't bore all of you with too many!! I will focus on my H and I and our relationship AFTER infidelity...and how GOOD it truly can be !!!

My H and I have been separated a lot lately...each of us dealing with loved ones and their needs. But after all of the needs from others are met...we get to come HOME...and just be TOGETHER. We don't worry about what the other one is doing when we are apart. That is a HUGE deal for ME . My H had his OA's and PA while we were apart from one another. Granted...it was weeks at a time when we were separated back then. But after Dday...it was HARD for me to be separated from my H and NOT think about what he was doing...if he was being faithful...etc. I don't have those feelings anymore...and having this calm mind has worked WONDERS for my psyche . This has worked WONDERS for US !!

Even though we are meeting the needs of others...we make sure we are meeting each other's needs as well. I didn't do that too much after Dday. I had been doing everything here in the States so that my H could focus on his work overseas. Then I found out this left him free time to be able to seek out strangers to have sex with. I felt like I had been pooped on...and it was so much poop that I had to focus on ME first in order to get away from that horrific STENCH he piled on me. That is actually the way it SHOULD be...we NEED to heal ourselves before we can move forward. It ended up becoming a habit...and I kind of enjoyed not focusing on him...on US for a bit. But...it still felt EMPTY. We both feel fulfilled now...by giving to each other . Jesus KNEW...that is why He told us it is BETTER to GIVE than to RECEIVE. NOT...it is better to give then to receive !

Our life is not easy right now. It hasn't been that way for a while. As my sweet Coozann...Tanner...and others on here have shown...life has a way of blindsiding us with issues we haven't anticipated. But infidelity is not in the mix AT ALL anymore. After surviving THAT...my H and I can survive anything! We just KNOW that TOGETHER...there is no obstacle we can't overcome . For THAT feeling...I am so very THANKFUL today !

I'm thankful for a bad ass MC who helped us reach an important turning point yesterday.

I'm thankful for my H, who loves me the way I am and is all in on working to heal our marriage and himself so that he can bring a better HIM to our partnership.

I'm thankful for good music, good friends, lightbulb moments, IC, growth, change, meditation, a best friend who's a magical massage therapist, and road trips. I love me a good road trip with my H!

OMG...I can't believe I haven't been on this site for over a week ...sorry!!!

So much has happened since last week...all of them GOOD!! Doctor appointments have gone WELL...birthday parties have been amazing...and school has started without a hitch for everyone...Thank You God for ALL of that !!

Even with this intense HEAT...we managed to all get together as a family. A few very special departed loved ones were sorely missing...but they would not want the remainder of us to NOT get together. Some of our family members are starting to spread their wings...going to college and moving away...so we got together to CELEBRATE that. After several months of getting together for funerals...this was quite refreshing to be able to SMILE .

My H and I are ROCK SOLID . I LOVE us being a TEAM again . We didn't get to this point by rugsweeping...or degrading one another. We worked our behinds off...fought for US like we never did before...and thankfully we made our way to the other side of infidelity hell!! It was NOT an easy path...but nothing worth having ever is. That is what makes where we are today so SPECIAL .

I can only speak for ME. Some days I felt EXHAUSTED. I would get RESENTFUL just thinking about all of the work I was doing to heal from something I didn't cause!! I just wanted to give up sometimes. But my H never did. At my lowest points...he would help me back up. There were times when he would feel so full of shame for what he did. At those times I was there to show him he was much better than his past.

People came to us at recent gatherings with admiration at how much the LOVE we have for each other was showing . That wasn't false! We really DO love each other that much !! Honestly...people have always told us how we inspire them...they wanted a relationship like what we had. I often worried that I was sending out false indications...because there was a point when our relationship was so TOXIC. Then I realized how WE didn't go out much during the toxic times. People didn't see that part of our relationship...so they couldn't really tell. I had health issues during this time...and it resulted in several surgeries. It's funny how that all worked out looking back. I could use my health struggles as an excuse when people sensed I was OFF. My health got better...both emotionally and physically . I am so very THANKFUL for that too!!

I really WANT to keep contributing to this site!! It was a LIFELINE when I needed one so badly!! I have known for a while WHY happily reconciled couples don't come back here often. When you are OUT of infidelity...LIFE has so much MORE to it than just that!! I am sorry I don't contribute as much as I used to...but one awesome day...my hope is that ALL of you will understand WHY too !!

HAPPY Thankful Thursday everyone !! I actually am able to write a "Thankful Thursday" post on Thursday...woohoo!!

This morning I came on here to write about what we read this morning on the "Awesome Marriage/One Thing" email. It kind of continues from where I left off on my "Thankful Thursday" post I wrote on Sunday !!

The title was: The healthier you are, the healthier your marriage. In the email there is a quote that states that,

A marriage will only be as healthy as the two people in it.

So TRUE !

It goes on to talk about being healthy physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Looking back...my H and I agreed that during some of our darker days in our M...at least one of us wasn't healthy in one of these 4 categories. That old saying, "Hurt people hurt people" comes to mind. I don't believe either of us set out to hurt the other...but because we weren't entirely healthy...we made the other unhealthy as well.

One of the many things I learned from some pretty WISE people on here is that we need to work on ourselves FIRST to be able to HEAL before we can both work on healing our M. I didn't get it much at the time...probably because I was in too much PAIN to be able to comprehend what was being written. I certainly get it now though !

Working to heal ourselves first makes so much sense! I was healing from the A my 1st H had...and that helped me to get stronger for when I was blindsided again with false R and another A. I was definitely stronger when my 2nd H confessed to his A. Betrayal will still harm anyone who has had to deal with it...and I needed to heal from this betrayal as well.

The GOOD news is...whether we R or D...we CAN heal !! My 1st H never tried to make himself healthy to sustain our M...so I did what was best for ME and went for D with him. NO REGRETS !!

My 2nd H realized how unhealthy he was...and worked his best to heal from the wounds he inflicted on US...but most importantly...the wounds he caused on himself.

I begrudgingly went on the path of healing myself. As I did though...I learned there were places inside that never really healed from when I was betrayed in my 1st M. I wasn't going to make the mistake of NOT healing there either!!

My H and I had pretty much worked on the physical, mental, and emotional parts of our M throughout our M...so it was relatively easy to know how to heal those aspects. The spiritual part though...it was THE component we were missing...and we never even realized it!! You don't know what you don't know though...you know?!

I often refer to the movie The Miracle Worker when it came to us and our spiritual "awakening". That part where Helen Keller FINALLY understands that Anne Sullivan is signing "water" while Helen is feeling the water running through her hands...THAT is what happened to US when we FINALLY understood the HEALTHY spiritual aspect of our M !!!

I am really so THANKFUL that my 2nd H chose to get healthy. I am very THANKFUL that I chose to take a "wait and see" approach in staying married to him. WE thank each other EVERY DAY for staying together . I am also THANKFUL for that!! But most of all...I am so THANKFUL that God was very PATIENT with us...and allowed us another chance toward redemption !! HEALTHY is something WORTH striving for...in ALL of those categories!!!

Thankful Thursday

I am thankful I am working on me. I am going to IC, not MC, as I want to work on me. I am falling in love with me. I am not a perfect person, but I am a damn good one. I am strong, tough, and yet caring and vulnerable. Who would not love me ?

No more pushing my pain down-it’s time to get old issues out into the open. My faults, her faults, other people’s faults-it is time I looked at the tapestry of my life without rosé color glasses.

And, I am happy. I am happy in my marriage. Never thought I would say that again, and yet here I am. I am scared sometimes-of course. I am taking a big risk with someone who is capable of great cruelty and selfishness. Yet my W is capable of great caring and love-and she is showing it.

Most of all, I am happy with me. I am worthy of love. And I am loved by myself and by God-so everything else is gravy.

It’s our 27th wedding anniversary today….and we’re still glad to be together, even if it’s tough sometimes.

OOOOOOOO...some THANKFUL posts to read this morning...THANK Y'ALL !!

goingtomakeit...what an AWESOME post !! I am so HAPPY that you and your wife are HAPPY . Keep up the wonderful work!!

Ladybugmaam...HAPPY ANNIVERSARY !!! Thanks so much for sharing this on here...I LOVE IT!!! Here's to MANY MORE!!

We have had a few natural disasters here in this great country I am honored to call home. Idalia left a path of destruction in her wake...as did that horrible fire on Maui . Although nowhere near as destructive...my state of Louisiana has been experiencing some pretty drastic marsh fires because of this drought we have been in. When one fire gets taken down...another 2 or 3 pop up somewhere else.

Amidst all of that destruction though...we see the helpers . Mr. Rogers talked about how his Mom told him to look for the helpers when there is a crisis. They are definitely there...working tirelessly to alleviate the pain and discomfort that people are going through. For ME...they are ANGELS!!

It isn't just natural disasters though. There were some really AMAZING Angels that helped me through some of my darkest days right here on SI !! This place truly was a Godsend for me...and it seems that countless others have benefited from the people on here who keep coming back to HELP us all find our way to PEACE .

So TODAY...I am so THANKFUL for the HELPERS!! The two wonderful HELPERS this morning...who brought a SMILE to my face when I opened up this thread and read their posts...and the many others who come into our lives unassumingly...and leave us with a GIFT that surpasses all understanding .

Lots of things for which to be thankful today!

-- Our AC went out on Tuesday evening. It was 22 years old and its death had been looming, so we were financially prepared. Last I heard, ACs were on backorder and it'd probably be a couple of weeks before we were able to get a new one. I thought we'd have to spend some money on a hotel room and figure out what to do with our dogs and where I could WFH, but H was like "We have our own hotel room on wheels!" Oh yeah! We have a travel trailer! DUH. So we loaded up the dogs and headed to our daughter's house, where they have RV hookups.

AC guy came the next morning and said that he could have a unit here the next day. SWEET! I guess all my backorder fear was outdated Covid era supply chain stuff. I was able to WFH yesterday with fans pointed at me, and it wasn't too terrible. The AC was installed today and my house feels awesome. The dogs are happy to be back home. They were so stressed out.

-- Our little RV is perfect for us. We both felt so cozy and intimate, and I think it will help us gear up mentally for downsizing, which we hope to embark upon in the next year or so.

-- I've been coloring my hair for a couple of decades and decided that I want to see what's under there and maybe grow it out and embrace the grey. (I'm also tired of spending a big ol chunk o'change every six weeks.) My friend/stylist is Instagram-famous for her vivids and I thought she'd be disappointed that I wanted to go natural, but she was super excited to embrace a new challenge and even took "before" photos for Insta. My hair looks AWESOME. She highlighted the new growth, skipped the root color, and toned it with some purple to cut the gold and red tones. Here we go!

-- Part of my H's pay is commission-based. He reached all of his multipliers this month, despite being out to deal with the AC, so next month's check will be a good one.

-- My grandson is in first grade. Last night, he and his little brother brought their books out to our RV so that I could read them their bedtime stories. I ended up listening as he read Go Dog Go! I'm so impressed.

-- I got to spend the weekend with my DDs at the beloved summer camp where we all went as children. Alumni weekend is pretty hush-hush and only those who the owners really like get invited. My DDs were invited and got me on the list too. I got to sleep in the same cabin that I had been assigned my first year as a camper, eat all the nostalgic food, sing the old songs, see friends I haven't seen in 40+ years, and be with people who love it as much as I do. It was MAGICAL. It's in the hill country of Texas and has no AC, so I was super grateful to be there, and then super grateful to get back home to AC.

-- My eldest DD (34) has had a run of several years of misfortune due to two shitty husbands, both of whom cheated. She's been separated for three and a half years, but Covid and ADHD had slowed the D process. She got the news while at camp that her D is final, she's in a relationship with a great guy, she's doing so well taking good care of herself, she and I are vibing again, and she's happy.

Life is good.

SacredSoul33...I know your post was from last week...but what an AWESOME post to read this morning!!! Thank you so much for sharing that !!

Another Thankful Thursday has rolled around...and the wheels on my lawnmower were surely rolling this morning !! I've already cut 3/4 of my yard today...while the temps are still in the 80's! It is NICE to see the grass growing again too . South Louisiana is pretty wet a lot of the time...so being in this drought with this oppressive heat has been hard on the grass! Then again...I didn't have to cut the grass for over 3 weeks...in this heat...so that was a Blessing in an unexpected way!! The red ants are out in full force though...Bon Dieu !!! Now that I have exposed the mounds...I will make quick work of them with the ant poison!!

Life has calmed down so much since just a few months ago...and it feels GOOD to just focus on cutting grass . I can remember a time when so many things would be on my mind. After Dday...there was mainly just ONE thing on my mind...my H's A. I don't think a day has gone by in these last 9 years that I haven't thought about his A. But I also KNOW that a traumatic event like that will never leave my thoughts. It has been over 30 years since my wonderful Mama passed away...and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her...and the usual "before and after" thoughts.

My thoughts are not CONSUMED by the A though...and that is truly something to be THANKFUL for . I can look back at it with a more analytical mindset and just feel "meh" most of the time. It is MY CHOICE to be where I am NOW...and I have truly made the BEST of it...as has my H. We remarked this morning after Bible Study how HAPPY we are that we put in the work to stay together. It could have so easily gone the other way. I was NOT going to stay with a cheater!!! As it has proven out...I haven't .

Life can be ROUGH at times...as all of us on here KNOW. We have a CHOICE on how we handle what is thrown our way. I stumbled at the choices in the beginning...not wanting to face what my life was. But I soon learned I HAD to MOVE in order to not stay in that place. My life became BETTER...not as fast as I wanted...but it eventually worked out the EXACT way I wanted . NO looking BACK!!!

I am very THANKFUL for this life I am living...and for the ability to cut my grass. It may be BORING to some...but it is such a BLESSING to ME !!!

Happy Thankful Thursday, W2BHA!

We remarked this morning after Bible Study how HAPPY we are that we put in the work to stay together. It could have so easily gone the other way. I was NOT going to stay with a cheater!!! As it has proven out...I haven't

I relate so hard to this. H and I talk all the time about how happy and proud we are that we did the work - and are still doing the work. I still think about infidelity every day - and the loss of my sister and my dad, but like you said, most of the time it's not loaded. Even though I still think that infidelity was the worst thing that I've ever experienced, remembering the loss of my loved ones hits way harder now than memories of infidelity pain. It's just part of my story now.

Lots to be thankful for today. We're leaving in the morning for a long weekend at the beach with our family. We're taking our travel trailer, and our youngest D (D2) and her H are taking theirs. D1 is getting an AirBnB and a golf cart. I'm excited about boondocking on the beach with my fam, but I'm SUPER excited about the idea that D1 had for watching the Cowboys game on Sunday evening. We're going to take our projector and watch it on the side of the trailer. Cowboys on the beach?! Yes, please! We're planning on fajitas and nachos for our game dinner.

I was thinking similar thoughts to you two on my walk home from work today. I still think of my husband’s affair every day, but more often than not it’s just a passing thought that doesn’t take up a lot of brain space anymore. I’m not fully healed yet, but it’s so much better than it was. And I’m grateful for that.

I'm thankful for school restarting. I love my kids, but it's also great for them to be on a more regular schedule and a little less out of my hair.

I'm so very thankful for the progress made in research, therapy options and books on infidelity and recovery over the last couple of decades.

I've learned the difference between recovery and reconciliation. I've realized that in my wayward spouses eyes she has recovered, (rugs weep & move on). For me rug sweep but carry on the pain for 30 years. Much has been good though, thankfully no infidelity, but the original trauma persists. I'm immensely thankful for my IC helping me with the trauma and coaching. I'm clearly making progress towards recovery.

As for reconciliation, I'm not pushing my wife. She sees the changes in me. Sometimes it alarms her(good), sometimes it pleases her. I told her she can either help me or not, but don't work against me. I think in time she may jump on board,(a little east coast maritime lingo there).

Just being able to make a quip like this is a quantum leap towards recovery for me from 18 months ago.

Although not really reconciled we are much better. I really am thankful for this forum, all the researchers, authors and therapists. It was a very lonely world out there 30 years ago.

OOOOOOOO...so many posts from last week...AWESOME !! I'll start for this week !

This week started off kind of weird. We are going through Proverbs in our daily Bible Study...and we read Proverbs 5...which has the title...Warning Against Adultery . For those who have never read it...it is read like a father is saying this to their son. It sure rings TRUE...thousands of years later! My H was reading it aloud...and couldn't get through it without crying.

Oddly...I didn't have much of a reaction to it. Probably because it was what the title said...a WARNING about committing adultery...and the aftermath IF they go through with it. There is even a phrase in there about a WAYWARD woman. That's kind of cool with the words and phrases we use on here about Waywards!

My H lamented on how he wished he wouldn't have been such a fool...how he would have loved to have read this Proverb BEFORE having his A. We then had a discussion about how it probably wouldn't have made a difference. My H...before his A...was too arrogant to think that something written thousands of years ago would matter to him. As much as I HATE what he did...and I would LOVE for it to have never happened...we are in the PERFECT time...right now...for this to be read . He now sees that...as the Proverb said...he lost his dignity and honor. Just like those of us who didn't KNOW the PAIN that adultery brings until we have had it happen to us...losing dignity and honor doesn't seem like much...until they are LOST.

NOW though...my H has them back . Not only that...as the Proverb states...he is now rejoicing in the wife of his youth...and is intoxicated with my LOVE...WOOHOO !!! I COULD have kept him from ENJOYING all of this...but then I wouldn't be able to ENJOY anything either!!

We have read this Proverb before...and forgot what we read ! But I am so THANKFUL that my H will now HEED that warning...because he KNOWS that what is written in it is so very TRUE. We are OUT of infidelity...and NEVER want to go back there again!!!

W2BHA, what a great update! Your H sounds a lot like mine.

Today I am so grateful for the beach trip that we just made. We camped in our travel trailer on the beach and I pretty much stayed in a swimsuit the whole time. Never touched my makeup. Evenings on the beach are my favorite time, and I rarely get to enjoy that because that's when everyone else is ready to go back to the hotel and shower for dinner. This time, I got to hang out as long as I wanted! Vacation was great, the road trip was a time of awesome connection, as usual, and my marriage is in the best shape ever.

I'm SUPER STOKED that my Cowboys thoroughly whupped the Giants, 40-0. We had grand plans to watch the game on the beach using a projector, streaming from our phones, but the darn projector wouldn't work and we all ended up huddled around an iPad. No matter, though, because the game was so glorious, and I got to watch all the highlights when I got home. Excited for Thursday night football this evening! Dang, I love football season!

When we left home last Friday, it was 107. Today, it's 76 and the highest temp in the 10-day forecast is 90. There's also much needed rain expected. I'll take it!

My grandson turned 7 yesterday. I went to lunch at his school, then IHOP with family and friends because he wanted breakfast for dinner.

Life is good!

SacredSoul33...I LOVED reading your post from last week...how AWESOME !! I used to feel the same way about my Beloved Bayou Boys (New Orleans Saints)...as you do about your Cowboys!! We aren't much into football anymore since everything became so political...but I am so HAPPY for you and your team .

Louisiana beaches aren't like the rest of the Gulf States' beaches. The rich silt that the Mississippi River brought down to add land to our state makes our beaches more brown and muddy than white and sandy . The water is murky as well...and the bottom definitely does NOT feel sandy!! But being at the beach is always FUN!!! I am so HAPPY to see that life is GOOD for y'all !!

My Thankful Thursday post today started with a not so thankful feeling this week. My H started on Ozempic for his diabetes a few months ago...and is looking oh so GOOD from the weight loss! I on the other hand...still look the same...no weight loss for me without Ozempic!! Proverbs 5 last week was just the beginning of the "talks" about adultery. I think that theme carried on through Proverbs 8. It brought back memories from my H's adultery. That...along with him looking very trim now...made me feel triggery. I didn't realize what it WAS though...but I knew something didn't feel RIGHT.

I often say on here to always trust your GUT. So when I started having these feelings...I started looking for the WHY. I don't LIKE having those feelings...and want to resolve them quickly!!! It took me a few days to understand WHY I was feeling this way...because it just wasn't one thing...but a combination. I openly discussed this with my H...and he started to help me to go through some of the thoughts and feelings I was having.

Once I understood where things were going...I knew I had the tools to change my mindset . I learned a long time ago that our THOUGHTS dictate our FEELINGS. I could change the thoughts about my H looking better=my H looking to cheat...to my H looking better=my H is healthier . I WANT him to be healthier...so my feelings from that thought are more positive than from the other thought.

Also...the theme for the Proverbs right now is all about WISDOM. My H has made comments about the wisdom he has gained...but how it came at a great cost. That is so TRUE. We have both grown wiser. That is way more better than growing bitter . Needless to say...I am feeling MUCH better NOW...and NOW is what counts !!

My DEAR friends and family...especially you who are new to this site and are still feeling the RAW PAIN from infidelity...just KNOW that things CAN and WILL get better . It won't ALWAYS be rainbows and roses after we get OUT of infidelity. Just like with ANY trauma we experience...there will be days that we won't be able to be HAPPY. But we should ALWAYS strive to be at PEACE . It may take going for D like I did with my 1st H...or R like I did with my 2nd H...or somewhere in between. There is NO right or wrong answer to this. What works for some may not work for others...and all of that is perfect for EACH of us...no matter what path we take. We just have to keep moving FORWARD .

For TODAY...I am so THANKFUL for the tools I learned about from this wonderful site that HELP me to find my way forward !!

Happy Thursday, W2BHA! Your post is a valuable one, I think. It won't always be easy and feelings will pop up from time to time, but we can redirect our thoughts and get out of the muck.

I'm again grateful for the Cowboys whuppin' up on the Jets, 30-10, and for Micah Parsons, who's a total BEAST.

I'm thankful that My H finally got his way with an important issue at work, and that he's having good days at work again. It's been a while, and he's been so unhappy. It's so very nice to hear him self-report that "it was a good day."

I'm thankful for good insurance that allows him to go to the chiropractor for his back without breaking the bank. I'm grateful that we have savings to dip into when things get a little tight, even though I don't want to.

I'm grateful for Febreze, because these dang dogs are SMELLY.

We had family photos made this past weekend and they're gorgeous. I'm so glad we got to capture this moment in time, especially with my grandsons who are growing by the minute.

I'm so happy that it's autumn! And we got RAIN! Lots of it. I don't think it's rained since early June. It was GLORIOUS.

H had to go to AP's workplace and passed her in the hall. He told me about it when he got home: "Oh, I saw the troll today."

[This message edited by SacredSoul33 at 3:47 PM, Thursday, September 21st]

I have been absent from Thankful Thursday lately. We are in a real tough time right now with our Son. He has been hospitalized for over 5 months. During this time we went through another A antiversary. It wasn't as bad as the previous ones because we have better communication and have put in the work.

I'm thankful we did the work, dug down to the roots of this mess and killed it. If we had rugswept we would not be in a very good place with the crisis we are in.

About 3 weeks ago he was transferred to a hospital in Houston 4 hours away. My W is in an extended stay hotel to be by his side while he continues his recovery. I travel Friday - Sunday to be with them. My W has not been home since mid April. She is 4 hours away in a hotel with stress and depression, I should be an absolute mess, but my gut is good. I trust my gut and my W. I'm thankful we took this R journey together, we didn't anticipate the challenges we were preparing for.

SacredSoul33...ooooo...LOTS of things to be Thankful for...I LOVE IT !!!

Tanner...what a BLESSING y'all are to those precious sons of yours !!

This week started off with a really weird trigger . My H is a foodie...and is in a group with other foodies on social media . I like some of the things that people in other states/countries show as well! I can say this without being prejudiced...South Louisiana truly has some of the BEST food I've ever tasted . BUT...it is good to venture out and try new dishes as well!! My H has really learned some amazing tips on smoking different kinds of meats...which is what got him on that particular group in the first place. Men sure do love showing off their smoked meat !!

Anyway...a notification popped up on the social media we both are in stating that my H made a post on someone's thread in that group. When I looked at it...it was a picture of a variation of a pot pie...the way the Amish do it. My H commented about how he loved pot pies when growing up . That was weird because my H rarely mentioned pot pies...and certainly didn't mention how much he loved them!! Then I saw the thread was started by a woman who wrote about how SHE loved pot pies...INSTANT trigger!!

One of the first things my H said on Dday about the adultery co-conspirator was how MUCH they had in common. When pressed on it...the only things he could remember was that they were both diabetics and neither of them had any piercings or tattoos . It didn't matter though...in HIS head at the time...having so much in common was one of the reasons he had felt that everything fell into place like it was meant to be (his words). Fantasyland at its best .

We Cajuns cook juicy sauce-type dishes...gumbos...etouffes...sauce piquantes...couvillions...DANG...I'm getting HUNGRY !! Pot pies though...you don't see much of that...if any...at a family get together in Cajun Country! My H isn't a Cajun...but he absolutely LOVES the things I cook . Seeing the comment about them both LOVING pot pies...that was something he SHARED with someone else that he hadn't shared with me. It was something they had in common. That HURT .

I sat with those feelings. I have learned not to react immediately...it doesn't help at all in my healing process. My H asked if anything was wrong...and when I calmed down...we discussed it. He stated how he remembered it as being a comfort food when he was growing up...but it wasn't necessarily something he really WANTED now. He said that post brought back good memories from his childhood...but that was all it evoked in him. I can relate to that. I can remember having turtle sauce piquante growing up...and the turtle meat was so GOOD in the tomato gravy. I would not have that NOW though for any money in the world! Just the thought of it is...YUCK!! But...I do have good memories of us going turtle hunting with Mama and Daddy and getting so EXCITED when we knew we were going to have that for supper .

As we looked through the thread...I could see from others how different people were talking about things not necessarily related to the OP's post. There were over 400 comments on it...so apparently a lot of people like the Amish version of a chicken pot pie . My H showed me the people he followed who had posted on that thread...and seeing THEIR comments showed me how HIS comment made sense as to why he wrote it. It was NOT a one-on-one conversation between him and the OP like my mind immediately went to. Isn't that funny how our minds do that?!

As we were doing this...it occurred to me how my H was HELPING me to calm down over this trigger . He wasn't defensive...he explained his reason for the post which was not a red flag...he then showed his comment in the context in which he wrote it...and most of all...he CARED about me . NO gaslighting...NO manipulating...just TRUTH !! It is amazing how the TRUTH can calm my GUT...but it sure gets all riled up when the gaslighting and manipulating are occurring!!

I was reminded once again that my H is no longer THAT man. The man who was SELFISH...who was a MASTER at gaslighting and manipulating me...a man who DESTROYED my world as I knew it. NO...THAT man is no longer in MY life . THIS man though...the one who has made it his life mission to give me my happily ever after (his words)...THIS man is who I am very HAPPY to say is MY husband !!

So TODAY...I am so very THANKFUL for having THIS man in my life !!