SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm thankful for Unicode.

🤗🫂 W2BHA

"Windows + ." Brings up the emoji keyboard in Windows.

[This message edited by This0is0Fine at 9:28 PM, Thursday, August 8th]

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YESSSSS!!!

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THANK YOU This0is0Fine...this old Cajun learned a new trick !!!

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I'm thankful for Unicode.

🤗🫂 W2BHA

"Windows + ." Brings up the emoji keyboard in Windows.

No you didn’t 🤣🤣🤣

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Woohoo Coozann 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂!!!

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Today I am THANKFUL for being able to make pretty pictures with emojis 🥰🤗😍🤗🥰🤗😍🤗🥰🤗😍🤗!!!

I am also THANKFUL that there are THREE positive stories in the "Positive Reconciliation Stories" thread that is pinned at the TOP of this Forum !!

I am very THANKFUL for being able to ENJOY the little things again . A cup of coffee in the morning while my H and I are doing our Bible Study is such a relaxing and peaceful way to start our day! Doing dishes while looking out at the blue sky from my kitchen window is very cathartic now as well...go figure! When I am working in my garden and am HAPPY at the bounty I get for the day...it makes it that much more rewarding because I remember when there was a time that I couldn't be happy at anything.

I was mired in grief for a while. I HATED that I wasn't going to have my dream of a monogamous marriage. It had been a dream for me ever since I was a child who grew up seeing the destruction that infidelity had in families. I wanted so BADLY to break this multi-generational curse and actually have a "normal" marriage where infidelity had NO part in it. But after two non-monogamous marriages I had to make the choice of trying AGAIN at another marriage to make it monogamous...or stay in this non-monogamous marriage.

Once I made the CHOICE...I knew that I then had to FIGHT...for ME. I wasn't going to settle. I was NOT giving in. I knew what I wanted MY LIFE to look like...and my H agreed that he wanted to walk this path WITH me. This path was not EASY...but it was very much worth it in the end . Looking back...I am so THANKFUL that I fought this fight! As that song so aptly says it...you can't always get what you want...but if you try sometime...you just might find...that you get what you need !!! And...as I found out...THIS life is not only what I NEEDED...it is also what I really WANTED...God is GOOD at doing things like that !!

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[This message edited by Want2BHappyAgain at 3:45 PM, Thursday, August 15th]

Once I made the CHOICE...I knew that I then had to FIGHT...for ME. I wasn't going to settle. I was NOT giving in. I knew what I wanted MY LIFE to look like...and my H agreed that he wanted to walk this path WITH me. This path was not EASY...but it was very much worth it in the end

Very good post Cuz. I am getting close to the 5 year mark, I feel as healed as I will get. I am thankful for the work my W has done.

We often tell newbies a WS needs to show remorse not regret. But I will tell you I didn’t believe her remorse for about a year but as she had grown and worked through it, her remorse has turned to regret. I have seen her go toe to toe with a friend standing at the top of the slippery slope. She hates infidelity and has deep regret for what she did. I am thankful for the transition to regret.

I'm thankful for my health and recently for my body letting me take on a heavy workout regimen without breaking down (been struggling with joint an muscle pain when going to hard recently, and that's let up). I'm on a good path for getting back in shape.

I am thankful for the transition to regret.

I certainly get this Coozann . I know it sure makes ME feel good to hear my H say how much he regrets ever thinking that having NSA sex was something worth thinking about in the first place!!

I am not sure...but I think the term "regret" in these two instances may mean two different perspectives? In the first part...I was thinking it might mean that the Wayward shows remorse for what they did and not regret because they got caught. Whereas in the second part...the regret is because they ever entertained that thought in the first place. I could be wrong...I have been before ...but that was how I took it anyway when it was used in that context.

This0is0Fine...ENJOY that workout routine then . It looks like my body is revolting!! My muscles seem to be telling me it is time to give up !!! I have heard that as we get older we have to work harder to even maintain our weight. That seems to be the truth in my case!! DANG...I am not keeping up with this...and it is showing!!!

Yes Cuz, I was saying i never thought I would be thankful for regret, she does not regret getting caught, she regrets she ever did it in the first place.

Tanner...we are on the same page then Coozann !! It is sort of like we are kin or something !!

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HAPPY THANKFUL THURSDAY !!

I figured I would do flowers today before all the Fall stuff starts !! I am so THANKFUL for this new tip you gave me This0is0Fine...although I am not sure if everybody else on all of my social media likes it now !!

I am THANKFUL that we had a bit of a reprieve from the oppressive summer heat...the heat index actually went BELOW 100 degrees for a day this week...woohoo !! We still have to wait a few more weeks until we can go out without instantly sweating from this humidity...but it is coming for sure .

I am also THANKFUL for my H looking for ways to make me have my happily ever after . Last night he went into Walmart on our way home to get one item...and came out with a watermelon. Not just ANY watermelon though...a SUGARTOWN watermelon ! Sugartown is across the state from NOLA...so we rarely get the watermelons over here...but they were there last night...and he knows how much I LOVE them...and he bought one for me...just because .

It wasn't a big deal...I certainly didn't expect it and wouldn't have missed it if he didn't get it. I would have never known otherwise because I didn't even go inside. But HE knew...and he wanted to make...me...happy . And he did just that .

YESSSS...I could say that YOU CHEATED ON ME...IT IS TOO LITTLE TOO LATE. I could say YOU BETTER TREAT ME LIKE THIS FOR WHAT YOU DID!!! I could say a plethora of things.

What DID I say? I said THANK YOU...with a heartfelt SMILE . He SMILED back . And we went home and thankfully ENJOYED a very sweet watermelon...made even sweeter because of the thoughtful gesture from my LOVING H . My H is so THANKFUL for me and for me giving him a chance to show himself worthy of being my H. I am so THANKFUL for my H and for him giving me back our fairytale M. As in ALL fairytales...first comes the sad part...then they live Happily Ever After!

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[This message edited by Want2BHappyAgain at 3:06 PM, Thursday, August 22nd]

It's the little things, isn't it?! 🥰🍉

The little things like knowing the Windows shortcut for emojis make life so much better! 😃 Thank you, This0is0Fine!

I am so so so grateful that my husband is joining me in paying attention to our finances. Since almost the beginning of our 36-year marriage, our money dynamic has been screwy. I handle the bills and the money and he does what he wants until I yell at him to KNOCK IT OFF. He's actually sort of turned it into a little game. We have a certain (small) amount to make it to payday without dipping into savings, and he's on board with mindfully watching every penny. It's SO refreshing, and it takes a lot of stress off of me. I feel like we're a real team, that I have a real partner.

I'm also grateful that summer is almost over and football 🏈 season is around the corner. I LOVE FALL. I've been hibernating in my bedroom with the curtains closed because it's been so miserably hot.

I told H that I'm tired of being tired and sad, and that I need to get outside and move. He's been walking with me at 5:30am this week, which is when it's cool enough to get outside. Since it's "only" going to be 98 today, we decided to reset the alarm this morning so that we could cuddle, and we'll walk tonight after the sun goes down.

I've been half-assing it for far too long, mostly since Covid, and it had devolved into not showering for three days, and rarely putting on makeup or doing my hair. I know that life is better when I feel put-together, so I've started making an effort this week. Between that, walking, and the gym, I'm already feeling SO much better. My give a damn might actually be returning!

A very simple but interconnected pair of gratitudes: Real thanks that I am beginning to walk with a cane again after knee replacement surgery exactly three weeks ago and a deep sense of thanks and appreciation for the hard work, devotion, tenderness and love my fWW continues to put into taking care of needs that my.physical limitations still and will continue to.impose on me for several months more. My fWW is not much of a conversationalist, she shows her true feelings through actions rather than words.Our second Day anniversary was in July and I am glad for a great many reasons that despite everything she did, I was able to see that there was enough good left for a new relationship to come out of reconciliation if we both so desired.
This afternoon we had friends over for English High Tea with proper scones, clotted cream and strawberry preserve. I wasn't able to " buttle " like in previous years due to the recovering knee, but I noticed my fWW's eyes were damp.as she poured my tea and I realized a new happiness has infused our lives.

SacredSoul33...those little things truly do add up !! These little things will show in BIG ways too!!! One friend of mine started on an exercise routine at the beginning of the year...and is now almost 50 pounds down!! She looks AWESOME too!! Having that extra money doesn't hurt either!!

Vocalion...now it is 4 weeks since your surgery and I hope things are even BETTER !! That English high tea sounds good...but I am more of a coffee person . Here in south Louisiana...you can always find a pot of coffee brewing whenever you go to visit...no matter what time of day it is...and no matter how HOT the temperature outside is !

Today is a hectic day for me and it is a bit overwhelming with the things I am going to have to do. Some emotions are running pretty high today. None of them are A related. I have had a few phone calls and texts from family that has made me smile and cry all at the same time. It's nothing HARD...just more emotional based. I just need to "get a grip" so to speak!!

My poor H has been having a bit of a quandary today as well. His issues are more logical based. He works from home and has been coming out from his office to tell me about the saga that has been happening with his work. One of those times he came out and caught me mid-cry . I had been trying to not bother him with my issues...because he already has so much on his plate.

My H immediately stopped what he was going to talk to me about...and turned to taking care of me. Immediately. I guess this is how it should have always been...and maybe this is how it is in other marriages? I just never had it in mine before. I never missed it because I never had it...if that makes sense. I did this for HIM...but I always saw myself as the giver in the M...and him as the taker...that yin and yang sort of thing. I really LIKE this way of BOTH of us being the giver !!! You hear it often said about how a M should be both people giving 100%...but I often thought that was a cliche. NOW I get it . More importantly...NOW I am living it! Like I often say...NOW is what counts ! For THAT...I am so THANKFUL!!!!

Needless to say...that extra care he gave me made me feel so much better . I am not alone in this...we are a TEAM...TRULY a team...and he proves that to me every day NOW. Yes...y'all know...NOW is what counts !!! So I am feeling pretty THANKFUL for feeling much better !!

Happy "Satisfied Saturday" everyone !! I apologize for not having a Thankful Thursday post but there are days when I am not able to be home on Thursday...and I don't get on SI if I am not home.

We were out of town this week...another loved one has passed away . One thing about getting older is that you experience a lot of deaths during the fall of your life. Another thing about getting older is that you realize that death is going to come sooner than later...and it really isn't as scary as it used to be...especially if you know where you are heading next .

I guess that is one thing I can be thankful for about this passing. I KNOW where this wonderful soul is going . I have written about her before. She is the one who found out her husband was wanting to be with a much younger woman. We weren't around to know for sure if he had actually had an A...so I will just leave it at what I was told. The wife immediately went for D...leaving her H to be with the woman he was "pining for". The wife eventually found a very loving man and they had several decades of wedded bliss together before God called her home .

Her ex-husband, however, never married the "fantasy" woman...but he did stay with her until his death. He told us once how he regretted what he did. We visited him on the last week of his life...and all he could talk about was his ex-wife. It was something he never got over. It showed in the way he looked so much older than he was...in the way his life wasn't ever as good as it was with his ex-wife...and in his overall happiness...or rather...his unhappiness.

I am THANKFUL that I was able to see how all of this played out. This wonderful woman knew immediately what to do and she went for it! Within 2 years she was remarried and was on a new journey...in her 50's !! She had some low moments...especially when her ex-H seemed to be moving onward and upward with someone a few decades younger than he was. But the ex-wife turned toward God and kept moving forward...and was she ever rewarded with a much more fulfilling life !!

I chose a different path in each of my M's...and I don't regret either path . The goal...I would think...is to face the end of life and see that your life HAS been a fulfilling one . The man apparently didn't feel that way. There was a LOT of regret in his last words. The woman DID feel like this...and I was Blessed to be a witness to that .

So TODAY...I am THANKFUL for this very fulfilling life I am living with my wonderful Husband...for whatever time we have left in this precious life we are living TOGETHER !!!

Happy Thankful Thursday Everyone!!

First off...I want to ask if everyone can please send prayers to those in the path of Hurricane Helene🙏. She looks like she is going to be a MONSTER . We had to deal with Hurricane Francine a few weeks ago which knocked out power for us for a little while...so I couldn't get on here for a bit. But it was nothing like the destruction Helene is going to be bringing .

This morning I wanted to write about something that was in our "One Thing" email yesterday...about how one of the biggest marriage killers is selfishness. We ALL know that is the TRUTH!! Affairs are nothing more than two SELFISH people who get together to get their selfish desires met.

I knew from the beginning of our relationship that my H was selfish. As the book "Not 'Just Friends'" says...my H was a "Taker"...while I was a "Giver". I also knew that in order for R to be successful...my H would have to become UNselfish. This was the basis of all of my ultimatums to him on Dday.

Oddly...for my H to do these unselfish things...it was for HIM to be the Giver and for ME to be the Taker. That was alright for a while. But I soon missed being a Giver. I was a little scared though to TRUST becoming a Giver to him again. That was a vulnerability that I wasn't sure I was able to do. But I had found that moving forward was scary...but was worth it...because staying in limbo SUCKED!!!

I wrote a thread about it...something about submitting to my H again...in the Biblical sense. It can be controversial when taken out of context...but I think that Ephesians 5:21 says my sentiments pretty well...Submit yourselves to one another because of your reverence for Christ.

The part that was so EASY...but was missing in my M before...was mutual RESPECT. I promise y'all...I am a fairly intelligent person...no...REALLY !!! But for whatever reason...I was settling for my H not showing me respect that as his wife he should have been showing me . Maybe it was just a subtle change over the 28 years of M? Maybe it was from life hitting me down in other places and I didn't see it happening in this part? Maybe it was there all along and I just never paid attention before? I am not sure...I just know that the ULTIMATE disrespect was shown to me when he had his A...and I was NOT going to allow that to happen anymore!

Long story short...I decided to take the plunge several years ago...and submit to my H again. BEST decision EVER !! This time though...it was from a place of mutual RESPECT...that was the key . It is AMAZING how different things are when that is in place !! We are BOTH Givers now in this M...and that is a pretty NICE thing...just like Paul advised us several thousand years ago...go figure !!!

Sadly...but importantly...there was a note put at the bottom of the email stating that this is for a generally HEALTHY M without any type of abuse present. They then gave a link to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline if there was any abuse present. My H ABUSED my giving nature...by gaslighting and manipulating me . I see that now. He does too.

As I finished reading the message...my H reached for my hand and apologized for not respecting me. I could FEEL the sincerity in his words. I simply said, "Thank you". Because I AM thankful that he tells me how he FEELS remorse for what he used to do to me...most of the time without giving it a second thought. I AM thankful that I have a husband who continues to have an "attitude of gratitude" . And I AM so very THANKFUL that I have a husband who RESPECTS and SUBMITS to me in the same way that I RESPECT and SUBMIT to him out of our reverence for Christ !

Happy Thursday SI!! I have not been very loyal to Thankful Thursday but life seems to get in the way. This is the first October post on a thread that is 4 years old now. I go back and look at where I was 4 years ago realize I / we have grown so much in the R process. I am so thankful for a place to come to vent, rage, praise and heal. Thanks to everyone that contributes here and thanks to you Cuz for starting the thread, I will try to be more consistent.

Today, I know that it happened….and I’m also so very grateful for where we are now.