SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

All good advice thanks Bigger!

My guy has already done 3 bathrooms for my mom (that I saw progress in photos and in person), and has done several projects for my sister - all of which he finished on or under budget and in less time than the estimate specified, so I feel like I am in good hands. I think the price he quoted me is very fair (I got 4 different quotes and his was right in the middle of the pack) and he helped me work out what kinds of materials would be both cost-effective and have a nice design quality for the finished product.

Holy cow TA999 - count my WH in among the lazy, talentless triplets. Can't do shit around the house (which is fine, I knew that wasn't his thing) but he tries (half-assed) and then wants to me stroke his fragile little ego for every light-switch cover he replaces.

He went out of town a few years back, may have been during his A, but before DDay. In those 2 days I replaced our 50 yr old kitchen faucet (4 trips to HD because none of the new stuff would attach to 50 yr old crap! The new faucet had been sitting in the garage still in the box for at least 5 years waiting to get installed,) spread out a yard of gravel that had been sitting in our driveway for months, and paid our neighbor's kid to dig out our firepit.

I'm sure that contributed to his feeling of "not being needed" which was apparently one of his "whys." Ugh.

He finally just replaced our mailbox, which had also been sitting in the garage for the last 10 years. The old one has been missing the flag for at least 5 years, and the door was starting to fall off as well. I had to put it on an actual "Honey-do" list for him to get to it. I'd have done it my damn self, but I didn't want to hurt his wittle feelers.

Now if only I could get him to install this new ceiling fan that's been sitting next to my WFH desk since the pandemic started...

EDIT TO ADD: Congrats Ellie!! (Just realized I totally thread-jacked!) Everything you have done and plan to do sounds super awesome! I'm not much of a closet/clothes person, but having the autonomy to make your house YOUR HOME is so amazing! (A teensy bit green over here )

[This message edited by Trapped74 at 6:03 PM, February 23rd (Tuesday)]

Good for you!!!

Yea!

Way to go!

Enjoy that new bath and closet!!

We can't wait to hear how wonderful it is.

I'm sure that contributed to his feeling of "not being needed" which was apparently one of his "whys." Ugh.

Trapped I don't mind the threadjacks

And YES to this. I said it in a different thread, but mine did this same thing! Post-A, he brought up a whole bunch of house stuff that I did and how that made him feel 'worthless' and like I 'didn't need him' enough. So fucking ridiculous.

My guy has already done 3 bathrooms for my mom (that I saw progress in photos and in person), and has done several projects for my sister - all of which he finished on or under budget and in less time than the estimate specified, so I feel like I am in good hands.

If you have a good 'guy' then you should definitely keep him.

I'm convinced that half of the problems created by bad contractors isn't because they are cutting corners... it's that they don't actually know what they are doing (and they don't know that they don't know what they are doing).

Post-A, he brought up a whole bunch of house stuff that I did and how that made him feel 'worthless' and like I 'didn't need him' enough. So fucking ridiculous.

The fragile ego of the cheater. Sounds familiar.

I'm convinced that half of the problems created by bad contractors isn't because they are cutting corners... it's that they don't actually know what they are doing (and they don't know that they don't know what they are doing).

For reals barcher!

Yeah, I think mine is one of the good ones He did a beautiful job on the bathroom renos he did for my mom and he came in to fix a bad contractor job for my sister and was such a sanity-saver for her.

I know just enough about the necessary stuff for a bathroom (water membranes, proper tile backing, etc) to know that he definitely knows what he's doing. For example, I wanted to move my toilet across the bathroom and he took measurements and explained that the rise in feet vs height wouldn't allow it per code and plumbing function, so drew up some other plans to work around the issue. I have had other contractors that would have done it my way just to get the paycheck, so I was favorably impressed that he explained it all to me and took the time to work on other designs (the final one of which I like better anyways!)

I love reading these, Ellie! How is the renovation going? Should be well underway now.

There's such a luxury in a nice bathroom, or maybe that's because I love pampering myself with a sauna visit and that's what nice bathrooms remind me of!

I can also relate to the finance-leeching cheaters! I have been able to save up (and invest) so much money, while also affording myself small luxuries. I'm always a little surprised when other BS'es mention this, even though I've read it over and over now. Why is it such a common thing for cheaters to overspend?

ETA: maybe they buy stuff to fill up the holes in their heart that they also try to fill with someone else's genitals?

[This message edited by Hedwig at 12:24 PM, March 7th (Sunday)]

Hedwig....it also initially surprised me to see the many accounts of cheaters being financially reckless- but now I see that it is a common trait and goes hand in hand with their inability to control impulses -sexual or otherwise. There was also never any remorse for the overspending on my WS behalf.....Being able to save money now, splurge, and invest are things I love about my New Beginning- and the remodeled master bath is just icing on the cake!

It's going really well! Of course I wish it was all done right now, but it's been really cool to see the changes happening. It will be a 4 week project and it just started a week ago today, so still have a ways to go.

My contractor is farking fantastic too!

I also have been decluttering since I had the roll-off container for this last week. Got all my clothes weeded through and got rid of a ton. Got my garage almost cleaned out of all the assorted crap. Just feels SO good. I feel lighter!!

That sounds fantastic Ellie! It is so wonderful to see you so happy and content. Hope it turns out even more beautiful than you imagined!

I'm convinced that half of the problems created by bad contractors isn't because they are cutting corners... it's that they don't actually know what they are doing (and they don't know that they don't know what they are doing).

This!^^^

I had a concrete sidewalk thing. One guy came out, observed, looked up like he was thinking and calculating and said 10 grand. I laughed. He dropped it down to 5 grand. I asked why 5 grand? It's the better price. Dude didn't know what he was doing. Got another guy, 800 bucks and clean work!