SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Just b/c your STBXW is being nice doesn’t mean she’s going to change her behavior and stop cheating.

Once the cheater invokes the “God led me down this path” mindset — the cheater mindset is clear. The cheater will say and do anything to justify the affair.

She will never get it.

Just b/c your STBXW is being nice doesn’t mean she’s going to change her behavior and stop cheating.

She's being nice because she sees her fantasy coming closer to fruition. That niceness will fade after reality slaps her in the face a few times. Then it will somehow become BetrayedGamer's fault even though he's done nothing wrong but give her what she wanted. Unremorseful wayards aren't real good at owning their mistakes.

[This message edited by BetrayedGamer at 7:05 PM, April 28th (Wednesday)]

Took a big step today and started the process of IC. Started with about a 15 minute phone talk with the counselor, really like her. Was sympathetic without being overly so, really seemed to understand. She even confessed to me (said she normally isn't supposed to) that she had infidelity happen to her so she was glad she got matched up with me (through the VA).

She was able to prescribe some sleeping pills, in a couple of weeks I'll have an online session with her and we'll go over a medicine review. Then I have a deeper, 90 minute session after that.

She even offered to have her assistant give me "check up" calls next week, since I explained to her that the STBXWW will move out Sat but my brother won't be moving in until the following week, so I'll be completely alone for the first time in many years. I told her just the act of setting all this up and the short talk we had already has me seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. Wish me luck!

STBXWW moving out today. I drove her to the Uhaul pickup this morning.

I know this is good for me...why does it hurt so much?

Hi BG

Glad to see you’re starting IC & have good feelings about it already. That’s a really positive step. How did the moving day go for you?

I’m sorry you’re hurting. It just sucks.

I know this is good for me...why does it hurt so much?

Because you are only human. But at least you are out of limbo now and can start rebuilding. It can only get better BG

STBXWW moving out today. I drove her to the Uhaul pickup this morning.

I know this is good for me...why does it hurt so much?

Because it was not the path you would have chosen. Your STBXW abandoned you and your dreams and this is one of the final manifestations of that action.

So move out day went by quick, mainly because I purposely stayed up the night before so I could somewhat sleep during the day. Ended up waking up and everyone was already gone.

She left a lot of stuff behind. The problem wasn't the room in the truck, there was plenty, just that she procrastinated over packing. She came back both on late Sat and Sun to pack and haul more stuff. She invited me to come see the house, I agreed but I was dreading it. But she needed help mounting her TV, her dad was trying to do it all and I felt bad for him. So I ended up going. MiL and FiL were both super nice to me, I could tell they were not happy about the D just being supportive of the STBXWW. SD seemed very depressed and distracted.

Got the best sleep of 2021 Sunday night into Monday. Got a new matress, finally back in the master bedroom...slept 10 hours and totally needed it. She tried to set up coming over next Sat, I countered with just come by after work (as she passes by to go to the new home) and take boxes each weeknight. Hoping tonight is the last load. I'm actually enjoying the house to myself, brother will start moving in next week, and I also have my first IC video call, so my spirits are definitely up.

Only negative is the FB memes she keeps posting about "starting a new journey" and other crap, like the last 7 years with my was so horrible. I know I shouldn't even be reading them, and I've had a family member tell me I may be taking them the wrong way. I am just so pissed the only people who know about the A are her and I and the SD. I so want to comment on her posts, "your FB princess you are all liking had a fucking affair on her husband, that's why she's having a new journey"...but I won't do it.

Only negative is the FB memes she keeps posting about "starting a new journey" and other crap, like the last 7 years with my was so horrible.

Come on Betrayed Gamer. You know part of NC is blocking her on SM. If you want really want to have fun start posting memes of your own. Your have the option of cheater memes, catfish memes, or LDR memes. Any of those will poke her back.

[This message edited by grubs at 2:43 AM, Wednesday, May 5th]

Seriously gamer. You need to unfriend her on social media. Once you're done, be done. Everytime you poke you head back in, your nose gets cut off again. So stop jerking yourself around and cut it all out.

I think you will regret not telling people about her affair. Its her cross to bare, not yours. I think you best bet is to just completely ghost her, no more helping her move stuff, nothing. She invited you over to see the new place so that you can help her, than she went on social media to say what a nightmare her life was with you. WTF?????

Move on, you'll find someone new and better. Let this chapter end, so that a new one can start.

I am just so pissed the only people who know about the A are her and I and the SD.

Well tell people then, why not out her affair? I just wouldn't do it via Facebook (not classy) but I don't think there is a reason to hide it from your families.

Indeed I am now of the opinion they need to know so they can have informed decisions on how they interact with her. I didn't tell mine and regret it as Ex kept in touch with them and they were still nice to him, I knew they wouldn't have wanted to speak to him if they knew what he had done, I feel like I took away their agency in that choice.

I've told people on my side of things, people who were my friends first and my side of the family (which isn't much).

I'm getting more towards the point that I don't care. I know the MiL is not happy with the D at all, I guess that's something in my favor. I've got an IC, got the anti-depression meds going, and am focusing forward. I'm trying to get my days to feel some semblance of "normal". I'd like to OLD again, but not feeling it yet. Back to the original point of this topic, I just don't know if I'll ever be able to trust again. Can I have a healthy, new relationship if I'm always looking over my shoulder?

Give yourself some time. Let your heart catch up with your head. It's all too fresh right now. I know I was pretty insistent I'd never trust again or get married. Yet here I am doing both. Your outlook a year from now is going to be different.

Only negative is the FB memes she keeps posting about "starting a new journey" and other crap,

Block her.