SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So I though this process was going to be smooth and easy. I am not sure if I have lost it and have become overdramatic or if I am just at the point where I have realized I can't deal with anymore bull.

He's on girlfriend #2. Yes I know it shouldn't matter, but he is so in love he left the dogs alone for over 15 hours to go spend the night with her while I was out of town and she joined him in our hometown this past weekend for a special occasion to honor the memory of his dad. Keep in mind, its only been 7 months since his dad has passed and 4 months since we seperated, we haven't even told some of our family yet we are divorcing!!

So yes you were all right, I was stupid and I am so filled with rage and hate I could explode!!

Do you attend to Alanon meetings? I think they could really help you. You are so attached to him emotionally. You need to let go. You can't control him. Let him destruct on his own. People see him and who he is. It's not your job to explain it to them.

I realize this is still fresh for you. If you are not getting support from friends and family, go find it at a meeting. The only person you need to take care of is yourself. Forget about him.

What Bleep said is so spot-on...

Do you attend to Alanon meetings? I think they could really help you. You are so attached to him emotionally. You need to let go. You can't control him.

This might seem like odd advice but it's really very very good. My GF has benefitted tremendously from Alanon (note: she has dated/married alcoholics, almost exclusively, prior to me).

In contrast, I have done a lot of therapy since finding out my xWW's affair.

At the beginning of our relationship, my GF would frequently comment about how I was "doing the 12 steps," which she thought was weird because I had never been to Alanon.

The thing is that dealing with co-dependency issues related to an affair are very similar to the co-dependency issues related to being married to an alcoholic.

So yes you were all right, I was stupid and I am so filled with rage and hate I could explode!!

Seriously: go easy on yourself.

We were all right because we've made the same mistake as you. We made the same mistake as you after people told us the same things that we told you.

This is not easy. You will make the wrong decision often because your emotions get in the way.

Also, be very careful of your anger. As Yoda says, it only leads to the dark side. Going easy on yourself is one way to quash your anger. Letting go of your STBXH and his stupid stuff is another way to quash your anger.

The thing is that dealing with co-dependency issues related to an affair are very similar to the co-dependency issues related to being married to an alcoholic.

I came to this stark realization in my situation when I realized that what I was doing and how I was feeling about my cheater was nearly identical to my feelings when I was dealing with my alcoholic mother. Was a pretty huge a-ha moment for me.

I'm sorry NA1. I know it's hard when you're still in the thick of it, but I promise it can get better. And that starts with you setting down some hard and healthy boundaries for yourself. Hang in there!

Good time to use that venting thread to let loose some of that anger.

Like the others said, you are in good company for making these mistakes— we all did. This stuff is hard.

Also, tell the family. Let them support you.

(((Notagain1)))