SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I have a questions for any of you that divorced your wayward spouse. I left two years ago. I still loved him at the time but I was extremely unhappy. And now WH and the OW are together. I knew that him being with the OW was a possibility if I left but after 5 years of lies, gaslighting and emotional abuse I could not take anymore. He manipulated me to stay for so long yet he did not let the OW go all those years. I just found out a few months ago that they were seeing each other...they made it official. Now they are moving in together and having a baby. I was married to this man for 15 years. We only had one child due to multiple miscarriages. I am so angry and hurt. I wanted more children. I wanted so many things that he took away from me. Things I can never have back. I cant help but be obsessed with this situation. I want them to hurt. I have never hated two people more than I do them. I feel like there's not justice. How can two awful people be happy....while people than never harm anyone get to suffer. I'm also worried for my son. Worried that things will change for him. He has suffered so much instability since all of this started 7 years ago I just don't want him to suffer. I don't know what to do with these emotions. How do I overcome this. They are living their life...happy to start their family while I have to deal with all of this. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind. I keep hearing that these people usually pay for what they do or that it does not work out....but so far they have made it through everything. This woman did terrible things to ruin our marriage and she gets what she wants at the end.....this is so unfair it hurts.

Don't believe anything on social media. They are both invested in creating the illusion of perfection, but ime that perfection rarely extends past the photos put up on sm so they can get their pathetic likes and crumbs of valuation from everyone but themselves.

I'm sorry you're hurting and I don't blame you for being angry. You're 100% right, it is so unfair.

But end of the day, the ow "won" a cheater and a liar. You on the other hand, won a life free of that. A life filled with authenticity and peace and truth. When you start spiraling just remember who really won something worth having.

Hugs to you. It does get better I promise!

She’s won the “prize” of choosing to be in a relationship with a known cheater. Let’s see how THAT works out after the baby arrives and she’s now tied down. She’s no longer footloose and fancy free lol. Or fun and spontaneous.

That’s when he’ll start looking around for some action. Just give it time.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 6:03 AM, July 31st (Saturday)]

I think, and im not out of the marriage yet but trying to get my life together as a single mom, i think when you ( and I, too) start getting other interests other than these people and building a life outside of them, the thinking of them all the tine will end.

Like- my inlaws. I always used to be sad that we weren’t invited to their lake house in the summer. We would go 20 min away and stay at a hotel while wh sisters and their families and mil were at the lake house. We would go during the day and then drive 20 min back to the hotel every night.

We stopped going after asking outright in 2019, can we stay with you guys? So the kids can all play together, etc?

No. Not enough room (in a 4000 sq foot, 3 story, 5 bedroom 4 bath house)

Ok. Stopped going. Took family trips to the beach that were much more fun. Life has gotten worse br me and wh this year- so what did i do? Went to visit my famiky and made a list:

So far i have (with family)

Gone on a hot air balloon ride

Taken a mini road trip through 6 states to see several points of interest

Had lunch at a fancy restaurant where we all got dressed up

I didnt think of the lakehouse once over the week they were there.

Do something for you. Something you gave always wanted to do. Something thats scary and fun and wild and unexpected. Something that you can put on social media and have people say so fun! And give you those little ego kibbles.

[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 7:42 AM, July 31st (Saturday)]

So she also got strung along for five years, and her reward is a cheater and liar? Yeah, that house of cards will come down in good time. I feel for their unborn child— it is just time before it goes through what your child had to go through.

They are trying to save face. You dont’ need to. You are already awesome.

I understand the inclination to ruminate— every once in a while I get the same feeling. But remind yourself what exactly she won— she didn’t get an improved, better man. She got the exact same cheater, except she knows he’s that cheater.

Time will help. Reframing will help. Moving on and living your best life will help.

(((Abyss)))

Thank you all of you. I appreciate the response more than you know. This is such a lonely road. I hate that all of you also know this pain but I am glad I’m not alone. Thank you.

She’s won the “prize” of choosing to be in a relationship with a known cheater. Let’s see how THAT works out after the baby arrives and she’s now tied down. She’s no longer footloose and fancy free lol. Or fun and spontaneous.

That’s when he’ll start looking around for some action. Just give it time.

^^^^THIS x1000!

I'm sorry you're hurting, Intotheabyss. Do something nice for you - if you can, get away with friends for a weekend - take a well deserved break!

Sending hugs...