SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

W2B - yes, Colorado is a beautiful place! Thanks so much for your encouraging words! I truly appreciate them!

We are getting settled into the new trailer - or as I now call it - HOME! It feels good. I got the gas grill out of storage today and Teacher came over for a really nice meal of grilled pork chops, grilled asparagus and salad. Just as I suspected, I was the third wheel while she and my son visited and laughed and played with the cat together. That makes me so happy - she gets to be a mom a bit to a grown up and he gets to have another mom in his life.

My son then headed off to a friend's house and Teacher and I visited for another hour or so before she pled tired and headed home. This hot time in summer just pretty much saps all of the energy we have. Plus it's sort of monsoon season, so now we deal with actual humidity after most of the year hovering around 5% relative humidity. The high humidity of around 40% makes us feel miserable, even if you people that live in real humidity will just laugh at us princesses!

The "decorating" is coming along well. I have some art on some of the walls now and new curtains in the main living area and in my bedroom. Starting to come up with a few ideas. And, I've hauled a couple of pickup loads of boxes to the ARC store to donate things I no longer need. Time to minimalize - who needs 10 spatulas? And 50 logo T-shirts?

Keep your chins up! and keep enjoying summer!

[This message edited by countrydirt at 6:07 AM, Sunday, July 10th]

My adult sons are visiting from out of town/state/country. 2nd son arrived today from Vienna Austria! His girlfriend and brother are arriving tomorrow. 1st son and girl are arriving on Sunday. Although it's a little awkward with "sharing" them with the ex we're making it work. I even took youngest over today and we had lunch together. My youngest is so excited to have 1 brother here already and is over the moon anticipating biggest brother's arrival. Ex and her partner are going to do evening meals and I'm going to be doing the morning adventures/hiking, etc. Ex and I always got along and have talked quite a bit over the last few days as we arranged for flight pickups and what not. I actually enjoyed laughing with her partner as she shared things that I no longer have to deal with and she does.

I took the boys - I mean men - over to meet Teacher today and she loved them. My 2nd is just as charming and kind as youngest, who teacher adores, so they hit it off quite well. She commented that she certainly sees the family resemblance between the 28 year old and me and he told her a story of finding old photos of me at about age 5 that he was certain were photos of him. I've always referred to him as my clone. As we prepared to leave, Teacher hugged them and clung onto my youngest just a little longer and they raved about how good it was to see each other. She told me later on the phone that is was wonderful for her to start feeling more like a part of my family.

We're making some hiking plans for when all the kids are here. Teacher will be coming along on at least 1 of the hikes and us older people are looking forward to hiking the asses off of the youngsters who live at or near sea level when we are at our Colorado altitude!

In unrelated, but pertinent older people news, Teacher has been neglecting some of her hormones, so intimacy is off the menu for a few weeks. I also went to the audiologist last week and have new better hearing aids this week (damn, I really should have worn hearing protection more as a young shop teacher) and am enjoying turning my TV and music down and not having to constantly say "Could you repeat that?"

[This message edited by countrydirt at 3:10 AM, Saturday, July 16th]

Well, I'm in a really good place. This week has been a roller coaster (all ultimately in a good way). My oldest son's car broke down about 6 hours away late on Saturday night. Repairs couldn't happen until Monday or Tuesday, so I got up early on Sunday and drove across the mountains and "rescued" the two campers and their little dog. We had a great time on the ride back and then I dropped them at the Air Bnb they rented and then came home to find that my 2nd son, his girlfriend and the Filipino brother and cousin wanted to come and stay at my house. Of course I said yes!

On Monday, we planned a hike with the 6 visiting young people (my youngest had to work). I took the 4 I had with me over to Teacher's house and she grabbed son's girlfriend and brother and took them in her car. We caravanned about an hour to meet the oldest and his girl and the little dog at a trailhead and embarked on a conversation and laughter filled 8 1/2 mile hike, crossing streams and clambering over rocks. We finished the day with ice cream and more laughter together. Teacher told me how much she loved being with my kids/men and women and she and I smiled and laughed as those youngsters checked on us old people every time we might have even scuffed our hiking boots on the dirt, let alone stumble or stop to get our breath.

We all took a day off yesterday, so Teacher and I ran errands separately during the day and had dinner and some "just us" time and, well, the hormone challenge has been resolved

Today, my parents, older brother and wife, younger brother and wife, my uncle and aunt and all the kids got together for a really nice visit and meal at the Air Bnb. Teacher met us all there and we all had just a wonderful time of visiting and story-telling together.

A couple of things happened that were just fun. Teacher has been pretty hesitant to show much affection to me in front of my sons and family because she is sensitive that it might seem "weird" for them to see their dad/son/brother with someone instead of their mother. Well, today, we had a little smooch when she arrived and during the rotational visiting with parents, aunts and uncles, kids and partners, we occasionally sat together and held hands or rubbed shoulders in front of everyone. As the visit came to an end, Teacher asked if she could take a couple and chose my 2nd son and his girlfriend and they had a great bonus visit on the ride home. I took a different route home and the Filipino men and I had to stop and rescue a tortoise on the gravel road a mile from my house. They were thrilled to see some American wildlife up close and personal. When Teacher dropped the others off, we had another little kiss in front of the kids.

The other sort of affirming thing was when my oldest son told me that he wasn't really that thrilled to go to his mom's wedding reception this evening. I was able to be the "bigger person" and remind him that I wished only happiness for his mother and knew that he wanted the same. He rolled his eyes a bit but then calmed down and agreed. My sister-in-law was standing right there and of course chimed in and told my son that she wasn't sure she had ever seen me so happy in the 30+ years she has known me. My son had to agree to that and said the he and his open minded girl would both try to open their minds even more and wish his mom and her partner good blessings.

It's exhausting to spend that many hours catching up with family. I'm tired. Teacher is tired. We talked and agreed that sleep was the most important thing we could do tonight.

[This message edited by countrydirt at 4:10 AM, Thursday, July 21st]

CD

Aside from the wonderful details of your family/teacher visits, I think there was an important unspoken take away from this.

You’re out of infidelity and happy!

Thank you for posting these great updates. Keep ‘em coming.

My oldest and his partner and their dog headed back to California yesterday afternoon. I am so happy they were here, but its never enough time, is it? I think it's been 5 years since I had all three together.

My second son and his gang are coming over tonight to spend the rest of their trip with me. He told me he just can't take anymore of his mom and partner and their little petty passive aggressive ways. An example, XW had sent a blow up mattress over with them when they spent a couple of nights with me earlier in the week. She made a point to tell them to bring that mattress back today because, I guess they need it when no one extra is sleeping at their place. And the partner got after my youngest son for taking a bottle of lotion when he was taking care of their cats (for free) a few weeks ago after she only found out about it when he mentioned it the other night. He said she's not going to be a good step-mother. His older brother pointed out that they don't have a step-mom - they just know the person their mother claims to have married.

In a rare moment of bad-mouthing my ex, I just sort of pointed out to my sons that they remember how stingy their mom used to be about some things and that nothing has really changed so they ought not be surprised.

This new life is pretty tough for my sons who have been away to wrap their minds around and both told me that they thought I was handling the upheaval pretty well. I reminded them that I've had several years to adjust my life, whereas they are just seeing the reality for the first time. I told them what was happening as the cheating, separation and divorce were happening, but it just wasn't quite real until they actually saw their parents apart. I'm sure we'll have more conversations as they process it all.

I love how supportive and understanding you are of your kids’ emotions as they accept all the change. They are lucky to have such a great dad!
And congrats on the continuing milestones with Teacher. It gives me hope for a great new beginning for myself. .

We did something really fun last night. My Austrian visitors and I had played guitars and mandolins together last week at my house, so when a good friend told me he was hosting an open mic night at a local brewpub, I asked them if they wanted to go. They shyly agreed.

We all were there and going through a couple of songs when Teacher arrived. When it was our turn, we stepped up to the microphone and played a Johnny Cash song and an old mountain tune and finished with I Saw The Light. It was so much fun! After we put our gear up, Teacher sidled up to me and said, "Ooh, I'm with the guy in the band!" I told her I knew that playing the guitar would finally pay off!

We stayed around and listed to the 5 or 6 others that played and thoroughly enjoyed the music and then headed to another spot with a restaurant and had a lively and laughter filled meal. Teacher just soaked it all in and fell even further in love with my son and his people. They kept us in stitches the entire evening and we ended with a coolish walk to our cars and all went our separate ways for the night.

The youngsters will be staying with me for the next couple of nights so Teacher already plans to come over for another concert and some Austrian food and more laughter and good times.

Wow, when adult kids are involved, we have so much fun. It's been crazy trying to pack in so much in a short time - I'm really glad I'm retired now and didn't have to go back to work yesterday!

Our little city has Festival Fridays during July. We all gathered up at the local museum/conference center for some live music and frivolity. XW and partner were there and she and I just stood around watching our children dancing and loving every minute of it. Teacher arrived a bit later and met XW. They had a couple of conversations over the course of the evening and both told me that the other seemed very nice. Teacher complimented XW about our sons and XW told her that they had the best father. Of course that stroked my ego a bit. XW later told me that she thought was Teacher was fantastic. Teacher and I ended up staying until the end and danced the night away.

We met my younger sister and her husband on Sunday at Garden of the Gods. Teacher drove one car and I drove another. My best friend Nurse came along and we had a wonderful time. Not an epic hike, but just a really fun stroll with plenty of time to visit and then sandwiches and laughter in the parking lot. It was sort of fun to remind my baby sister that she is now more than half a century old (just turned 51).

Later, after we returned to my new palatial trailer house, Nurse went and grabbed her sister and niece and came back for supper. Teacher also came along and we had a rollicking good time sharing a pretty small place with about 11 people. It was so much fun for my friends to spend some time with young people from another country.

Last night Teacher came over to get a little more time with the Austrians - she said she could only stay about half an hour. She went home 3 hours later. As she got ready to leave, my youngest son grabbed her in a giant hug and just wouldn't let her go and told her how much she meant to him. I watched her shed some tears of happiness over that.

The Austrians - not quite sure how to refer to them all - my son's girlfriend, her brother and their 2nd cousin - headed out today for a 1 month tour of the western United States. Hugs and tears were shed as they departed, then 2nd son and I drove and grabbed Teacher for a late lunch of a local burger and more laughter and stimulating conversation.

My son flies back to Vienna on Saturday to start a new job next week. 3 weeks is not long enough to have him around, but he is doing what he loves with the woman he loves (even if they will be apart for a month). They have been together for 11 years - she was an exchange student when they were juniors in high school when they started dating.

All I know for sure is that I am going to treasure these next few days.

Life is good.

I love reading your stories about your kids and your new love. I'm in about the same place you are with a grown DS and a BF that is my partner in life. It's so nice to be relaxed about relationships and not anxious any more. I love to see my kid thrive in his adult life (he's playing a gig in the Big City tonight with his band) and knowing his future is bright.

It's amazing how even when I thought I was at meh about WXH before he just slips further and further from my consciousness as time goes by.

[This message edited by nothisfriend at 2:21 PM, Wednesday, August 3rd]

Thank you nothisfriend!

I "snatched" my 28 year old son this morning from his mother's house. It was sort of weird to see XW in the same old pajamas she wore years ago...but I bit my tongue.

My son and I had coffee and a breakfast burrito as the "geezers" set up to play music on the side
walk at the coffee shop. We played for about 2 hours and I was amused as a youngish teacher who sang along with us tried to pick up my 28 year old son. My Teacher came down and spent the time with my son while I played. She sat just across from me and we shared many nice gazes as I made 'old-timey music" faces and tried to focus on playing rhythm guitar and singing harmony.

At the end, XW and partner arrived to pickup our son. Teacher asked if it was weird that she was there when they arrived, but I assured her that it wasn't. Teacher shared a big hug with my son as we all said goodbye. So much for weirdness. I'm pretty sure that my son likes Teacher because his dad is happy.

At this age, mortality always encroaches. I was out volunteering this morning on some trail clearing with our local trail builders organization on the trails that I ride my mountain bike on and hike on and my mother called/texted/called/texted so I answered eventually. One of her first cousins passed away this week and wondered if I wanted to go the funeral. Of course I said I did because I knew him as a kid as well as knowing him as an adult and am good friends with one of his sons. I actually "talked" with the late cousin in the last few weeks when he posted some ranch pictures of green grass in August and we ended up chatting on messenger for a few days.

Their(my mom and her first cousin's) grandparents homesteaded in New Mexico early in the 20th century. I spent many hours on the old home place where my grandmother was raised and married my grandfather. I had a lot of fun with those "cousins" - never sure of all of the degrees/2nds etc. We were all raised in the country, so we just always considered each other cousins.

The little trail crew I was with noticed me talking on the phone and asked polite questions. I told them that a relative had passed away and we were making plans to travel to the services. I thanked them for their expressions of sympathy and said something along the lines of, "if you live long enough, people you are related to or know will die."

Later in the day, I talked with a cousin (our mother's were first cousins) who I know I haven't talked to in 45 years and discussed if we would see each other at the services. We were great friends and penpals way back in the day. Her mother and I became good friends about 25 years ago when we lived in the same metro area and she loved meeting my sons and served as a quasi grammy for them whenever we would get together. My cousin told me that she was a little nervous to bring her new boyfriend to the services since it was a new relationship. I assured her that it would be alright to let him into her life and we talked about my journey since my divorce and her's as well. I told her that I hoped her new guy could handle ranchers and wouldn't try to overdress to fit in with us country people. We had a good laugh. It will be sort of fun to catch up, even if it is over a sad occasion.

Teacher won't be accompanying me. She just can't do funerals. This week is 6 years since her son passed and she gave him a final goodbye with services. She has been pretty quiet this week, and I respect that. She did come over last night and we went out later to try and watch the meteor showers, but some yahoos started shooting guns a few hundred yards away, so we left. We did see about 6 shooting stars, so we have those memories together.

Nurse turned 55 this week, so we had a little party with her people and I ended up playing the guitar around the fire pit with her and many of her relatives. Life is good when you are able to surround yourself with friends and just have fun. I just can't stay up until 1 a.m anymore.

[This message edited by countrydirt at 4:44 AM, Monday, August 15th]

CD, you have taught me to not obsess about the future, and take life - the happy and the sad - as it comes. I've found that it's a lot more fun facing life the way you do, and I am truly and deeply thankful for you.

Thank you Solarchick! I know that for the longest time I was here, I was miserable and was looking for light anywhere I could find it. So it feels like a chance to give some encouragement. I can honestly say that everything in life isn't always rainbows and unicorns, but in the main, life is good.

The memorial service was really nice for a nice man. It was good to be back among 'country folk' and see much of the family that I haven't seen for quite a few years. Somehow, over the years, all of us 2nd cousins just sort of lost touch as we moved on with our lives and started our own families. We all sat around and caught up on each other's lives and vowed to try and bring back the old family reunions as we all descended from the same hardy homesteaders who came to New Mexico in the early 20th century. There's no excuse for me not to keep in contact with family. Heck, one 2nd cousin and I realized that we only live about 60 miles apart and haven't seen each other for over 30 years. We were all such great friends as kids and as we talked and laughed and cried together, we realized that we are all still great friends.

Teacher and I had breakfast with my parents this morning. It was really nice. When Teacher arrived, she ran right up to me for a hug and kiss and then went and hugged my parents. We had a hour filled with laughs and stories and then we all headed off for various errands.

Later, I met my parents to pick up some peaches from one of my aunts (fundraiser for her church). I just love fresh produce season! Afterwards, as we were saying goodbye and having the giant family hugfest, my dad said, "We sure like your girl and we're pretty sure your girl likes you!" Made me laugh having her referred to as a 'girl'. We made loose plans to stay with my folks in November before we head off to a friend's wedding in Mexico and have my folks be our airport taxi service.

Overdue update - Retirement can be busy for sure. Couple that with Teacher starting school a few weeks ago and my kids wrapping up their visit to the US, we've only been able to catch just a few moments alone together over the last few weeks. So, yesterday we went and had brunch and really enjoyed each other's company. We ran into another friend who was at brunch on a "date" and we enjoyed seeing her. After that, we went back to her house and I changed out a flat tire on her bicycle and then we just couldn't help ourselves and well, you know... Wow, we really needed that!

Later we got together and went to a bar, of all places, way out in the country to listen to a live band and dance. We had such a good time dancing and smiling. I told her I was just coming into my immaturity and I photobombed various partiers who were taking pictures.

We met another couple we haven't seen in a couple of months and laughed and talked and shared pictures of our various adventures over the summer. We talked about trying to get in some fall hikes and maybe some camping trips as the weather cools off.

Previously Teacher and a couple of friends met for coffee at the same place I play music with a group of old farts and fartette (is that correct? there is only 1 older lady who joins us). Teacher came and grabbed me from the music circle to participate in her discussion. Her friends are getting married in November in Mexico and Teacher and I are sort of late at getting our flight arrangements made (already have the resort booked and paid for) but we took the lecture on flights and tried to nod knowingly as the much younger people tried to show us how to use some flight apps to get the best flights.

I've signed on as a volunteer for CASA which stands for Court Appointed Special Advocates for children whose families are in upheavals for various reasons - divorce, abuse, DV, etc and am learning about how I can help. I've got about a month of training ahead of me before they assign me a child to help.

A few weeks ago, my best substitute teacher called me and reminded me that I am retired, so I was volunteered to help at her church's food booth at the Colorado State Fair. Today I rode my bicycle to the fairgrounds and then spent about 7 hours cooking burgers, prepping hot dogs, warming green chili, plating food and enjoying the heck out of some new friends. I get to do it again tomorrow!

I've been on a couple of mountain bike rides with another friend. I know that I am sheltered and innocent about things of the world, but it seems weird to me to have to stop halfway through the ride for him to smoke some marijuana. MJ is not a vice that has ever been attractive to me, in fact, I tried MJ to help me cope and sleep as my divorce was happening and I ended up wide awake and paranoid, so scratched that off my list.

Next week I'm going to hit the mountains and get in a hike or 3. The summer crowds will be gone and I should have some trails and campgrounds to myself. Even though I wish I could take Teacher, I'm looking forward to some alone time.

AWESOME update...thanks so much for sharing!!!

Just a couple more fun occurrences this weekend. Volunteer cooking at the State Fair, while fun to meet new people, is really not that enjoyable. Hot grill, grease flying, cramped 50+ year old kitchen for 7 or more hours...you get it.

After the first day, I just came home and showered and relaxed. Teacher gave me a call early in the evening and asked if she could stop by since she was on my side of town for a memorial service for a good friend. When she I arrived I was blown away at her prettiness. Her friend really helped her when her son passed away so she made an exception to her "no funerals" rule.

Yesterday she sent me a text asking about when I would be done with my cooking shift. I told her and she wondered if I would wait at the fair for her to come over and of course I said I would. She again just took my breath away when I saw her walking down the midway. We strolled the grounds and looked at some displays, found some food, found some music and visited with a few people we knew. We finished with ice cream and she accused me of reading her mind as I picked the flavor of ice cream she was going to pick. That's not the first time its happened - we seem to have very similar food tastes.

I walked her to her car and we had a couple of kisses then I jumped on my bicycle and rode a couple miles home.

I love your updates CD, keep them coming!

You paint a beautiful picture with your words, CD. Thank you for sharing with all of us.

Another weekend of fun done. Teacher and I had a couple of good days of fun food, intimacy and an epic night with friends trying to see the full moon on a cloudy night with tons of laughter and good conversations along with simply joy and well, life.

I finally got my old family desk out of storage this week. It was my paternal grandfather's last desk. I've had it for about 35 years. I haven't really used it for about 7 years. It was fun to start unpacking (and pitching some crap I don't need) boxes and loading it back up after so much time. The end of a marriage is so disrupting!

We're planning a short trip to hear some amazing bluegrass music this weekend. No, we're not going to Winfield, KS to the big festival, instead, we are hearing some of the headliners before they head east. As a mandolin player, I am sooo looking forward to hearing Sierra Hull!

Keep your chins up friends!

[This message edited by countrydirt at 1:47 AM, Wednesday, September 14th]

My FIL used to play the mandolin. It brings back fond memories. Hope you have a great time and hope to hear about them.

I enjoy seeing Steve Martin playing banjo. At least it doesn't bring triggers for me at this time.