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Var and hidden video camera. Also, you should go after her for support. That is an empty threat and you should notify your lawyer about what she said to you about taking the kids. No judge even in Michigan is going to be okay with it. She makes double, she owes you both child and spousal. Take that to the bank.

Unless I'm fighting off a bunch of bullshit domestics.

More info, the guy she is with is married, 4 kids. 7 children in total had their worlds irrevocably destroyed by her selfishness. I cried a lot over that one today.

[This message edited by TEMPE57 at 3:04 AM, Tuesday, January 4th]

I sit down with my lawyer Wednesday. I told my boss and the business owner today of the company I just started working for on 12-1 about the divorce. They were really supportive and that made me cry too. First therapy appointment is Saturday morning, meeting with my realtor Saturday afternoon. Opened my own checking today. Had to ask my hair stylist to teach my daughter how to do her hair, because her mom always just did it for her and I don't know how. that made me cry like a baby

And I'm on 4.5 hours of sleep since Saturday morning, no word of a lie. I haven't eaten in as long, just premier protein drinks.

I'm gonna grab some toast and force it down.

Talk to your doctor to get something if you cannot get your sleep under control. Sometimes you just have to force the food down. When I was getting divorced the CEO and I were getting divorced at the same time. The VP I worked for had a wicked witch of the west ex, so lots of support all around.

Maybe ask the stylist to teach you how to do your daughters hair. Could be a way to show her how special you think she is.

Sat down and had a look at the account last night. Not only did she open like 15 new monthly recurring charges (most open after I filed), she didn't deposit her check into the account. Went to the bank, pulled the last 3 months of bank statements and dropped them at my lawyers. Got the VAR.

I am certain those charges were for Christmas gifts for his daughters.

[This message edited by TEMPE57 at 8:19 PM, Friday, January 7th]

The biggest mistake I made was not forcing financial separation ASAP. My ex promised to be responsible and fair with the finances all the while draining 10's of thousands out of various accounts. So keep in mind the financial shenanigans will likely just increase.

does this guy's wife know about the affair and if not, why not ?

I haven't begun to look for her

Please talk to your attorney about the VAR... there was a lawsuit a couple of years ago with Project Veritas that put the one-party vs two-party consent issue in flux in MI. I dunno if it's been ruled on (went to MI sup ct, IIRC), so check with your atty (would HATE for you to be in trouble).

I am familiar with thst case. You have to be a part of the conversation in order to record it. I did check with my lawyer and he said it was a good idea, especially considering she is trying to get me out of the house.

even though the house is 4 bedroom, since you worked so hard for it, you deserve equity out of it.

She is also continuing in the affair plus using you as a checkbook to facilitate her affair.

As others say, get support from her and continue to make sure you get your equity out of that house, even if you leave it. Do not give her a single break.

Don't allow her to use your kids to gouge you. She is equally as responsible for them, maybe even moreso now that she has broken up the family fabric because of her greed.

The OM is a dirtball. 4 kids and a wife and now on the other side, he is a homebreaker against you and a future homebreaker in regards to his own family. It is horrible that your STBX has broken up your family as well. He needs karma and his BS needs to know what is unfolding. I am sure you will have success there when you decide to inform. The only bad part of informing now is that it may blow up the affair and she will come running back to you and you want a clean break and amicable one. Tough decision but I hope you make the right one which is to inform at the earliest and most prudent time for you as you can.

I do remember the Michigan case. Every state has their own laws.

[This message edited by Western at 4:12 PM, Sunday, January 9th]

I am glad you spoke to an attorney about the recording. The Michigan case is fuddled. State Law allows one way recordings as a participant. One US District Court Judge put in her opinion regarding the intent of the legislature to be a two way consent state but deferred to Michigan State Supreme Court to clarify. Another US Judge supported one way consent. All sides and the state AG asked the Michigan State Supreme Court for a decision. As of last May, the case was still not decided upon and MSC refused to weigh in so one way consent is still valid through at least a technicality. The problem is that there is a lot of confusion and the liability issue and criminality issue still exists if lines are crossed. It was interpreted differently than the Project Veritas case in Fisher vs Perron which supports one way through 'Participant Exclusion'. The courts can make a mountain out of a molehill sometimes. It only makes sense to have one way consent but some states get defensive on that one.

So I am glad your attorney cleared that up for you. They follow those cases in their own states carefully so he knows best. As a 'participant' you have certain rights that 3rd parties do not. You seem to have a very good attorney. Keep him in the loop on everything.

[This message edited by Western at 3:53 PM, Sunday, January 9th]

Filed a motion today about the parenting time she's blowing off, and her pulling all her money from the household expense account. So he took her last years taxes and my yearly gross, and proposed a equitable share of the expenses. That should piss her right off, but I will know soon enoigh of she has a lawyer or not.

Her dad isn't buying her shit anymore. That's her last source of income. She had him buy her a Cadillac suv, got her a new phone because she said I took her keys and shut her phone off. I talked with him, showed him the Verizon account, he sees that she's lying to him.

Plus her family has been so supportive of me, two of her sisters and her mom. Her one sister is really close with her dad, and she knows what's going on, she knows who her sister is, and she is telling her dad, I keep him out of it because he's in his 70s and doesn't need to feel like he's choosing sides, but my SIL can talk with him without getting him going.

And last update, she kicked her own daughter out of the house, she is currently staying at my FILs place.

Sounds like your STBXWW is burning bridges everywhere she goes.

If she is spending money on her AP/his kids, it makes you wonder what will happen after the D is finalized and she doesn't have access to as much money. Will he be interested and stick around or kick her to the curb?

Glad you are looking to protect yourself. STBXWW is showing that she is a very selfish and greedy person who can't be trusted.

I hope things aren't too difficult for you on the financial end. Good luck

Unfortunately, you wife is showing you who she really is - so be very careful!!

Take legal advice on the joint bank accounts, she's going to drain them ASAP! I'd also make sure you change all passwords on all accounts (everything!) immediately and cancel any joint ones or freeze them, if it serves you!!

With regard to VAR's plus camera's in and around your home - make sure they are running at all times, to give context of any blows ups. Depending on which type you have (you'll ideally have a few!), if the USB type, you can plug them in (check the charging rate, milliamps (Ma) is compatible - I'd make sure they are out of the way!

You're going to have to tread carefully with regard to telling the other man's wife, maybe wise to wait until things are finalised and signed off! There's no doubt, things are going to escalate but make sure you get all the relevant benefits you and your kids deserve!

Make sure you know all the rules of the game, so you don't get caught out and remember to be careful with what you say to her or anyone else!! It's a bit like toothpaste - once it's out, it isn't going back in the tube!!

My daughter brought Covid home from school. It was my weekend, so stbx took off until Monday morning, just me and the two little ones, all exposed. One positive. You would think a mom would wanna stay and be with her sick child.

Home until Tuesday at least.

Some women have no maternal instincts. Even animals can abandon their offspring. It isn't natural, but it happens.

Please make sure you're documenting this.

Tempe - not sure if you've addressed cameras, but it did occur to me that installing cameras w/o audio could both protect you from DV allegations AND keep a solid record of her comings/goings (esp when she's supposed to be exercising her periods of custody). Course, not sure if you want them EVERYWHERE in the house.
Just a thought.

Also - please forgive my short memory... I'm assuming you are the father of the kicked-out daughter. If so, how is it that WW can unilaterally kick her out of the house you two are SHARING and supposedly CO-PARENTING in? Another thing to talk to your attorney about (may want to amend that motion WRT her blowing off custody). Also, may want to get that kid into IC.

Daughter that was kicked out is my stepdaughter, she's still not yet back in the home.