SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I left my ex husband after I found out he was going to massage parlors for intercourse. Separated end of 2018, divorced a year later. We hooked up a few times after this 🙄but I’ve been working hard to cut him out, physically and emotionally, though there’s still love there. He called me out of the blue on Monday asking if we could talk in person. I said no. Eventually he told me that he’s been dating someone for a month, but said if there’s any hope for us that he would break it off. He only wants me, he’s still in love with only me, she’s not even his type, etc. i know a lot of it is bs. Anyway, I of course looked her up. She’s half my size, 10 years younger, blonde (I’m brunette), likes the same stupid shit he’s into. Anyway, there’s no point to this post other than I feel like absolute garbage about myself right now and I can’t stop crying. I tried to talk to friends but they kind of dismissed me/ can’t relate. I feel alone, and insecure, and panicking that my life is flashing before my eyes. And PISSED that he did me wrong and he’s already with someone and I’m here, alone on a Friday night after working a long day, with no prospects and sex deprived. 2 years have gone by since our divorce and I feel like I haven’t gotten anywhere. Gained weight during the pandemic, work insane hours, and just feel RAGE at the injustice of it (yes I’m throwing myself a pity party at the moment and I know I shouldn’t). And he’s over here living his best life. Fuck him. And fuck her too. That’s all.

You have been heard.. i’m sure he’s off chasing some chick but he has not fixed anything about himself. So he’s going to do the same cycle: lather rinse repeat. Have your pity party – it’s totally justified. But tomorrow morning you can pick yourself up and maybe start doing some 2022 planning. Where do you want to be , what do you want in your future?

I know it’s hard. I’m struggling with the same part of moving forward. But you were healing and you were going to be healthy enough for a relationship in the future whereas he’s just doing the same garbage all over again.

Take care of yourself, and trust that things will get better. You’ve got a bright future ahead

[This message edited by BearlyBreathing at 6:23 AM, Saturday, November 13th]

I found out my XWH was dating someone last Christmas. All I felt was sorry for her. I honestly hoped that she was also a bad person to be with so that there wouldn't be a victim involved. He, like yours, is going to carry on doing what they do, screwing up their lives. My life with him looked pretty good on the outside. Bet yours looked good with your XWH too. So his life looks good on the outside with the new girlfriend. It must be great. So great, in fact, that he's reaching out to you, his ex, behind her back. He's STILL cheaty. He will remain cheaty. There is absolutely zero zilch nothing to be envious of where he's concerned. You could get laid any time if you wanted to. You could probably be a fake liar and find a man to make a fool of too. You could do what he's doing, but you won't do that because you don't suck. So while you sit there without a partner, you're still living a far better life than he is while he's making an ass out of a new woman.

Time will help this. Honestly. Time and space. Detach hard and go no contact with him. You don't need to know about the dumpster fire of a romantic life he manages to piece together at any given time.

So his life looks good on the outside with the new girlfriend. It must be great. So great, in fact, that he's reaching out to you, his ex, behind her back.

^^^^^^^^THIS!!!^^^^^^^^

He called you to ask if there was "any chance".

He could have called you and said I will do anything to get you back. And then done that.

He’s not without a plan B at all times. How sad.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 3:05 PM, Saturday, November 13th]

I just want to say I love you people. I don’t know you, but I do. Thank you. I wish nothing but the best lives for all of you. Having felt pain so deep and to be able to keep going and keep living and keep growing… man, it’s hard, but I believe in karma- bad and good karma. Thank you.

Why did you answer his call? Block him. He only did it to manipulate you. He wanted you to look her up and be jealous. Next time don’t answer.

It must be great. So great, in fact, that he's reaching out to you, his ex, behind her back. He's STILL cheaty.

EXACTLY what I thought when I read the post.

Have all the pity parties you like Echo. I believe letting the rage and pain and all of it flow through - and OUT of - you ultimately helps. I'm glad there is a place called SI for it (Lord knows I've posted a few doozies!).

I'm beginning to learn that loving myself includes compassion when I feel shitty about myself - sometimes that may feel counterintuitive, but when I really think, it's more like a Hakuna Matata for me.

Just big hugs for the trigger of it all.

You’ve been heard. Its awful when they try to hook us back in. That’s how sick they are!!!!! They can’t even leave us alone!!!!! I learned on this site that no contact equals no new hurts, we only have to process old hurts if we stay no contact. Until you see that he is going to therapy 2 times a week for the next 6 months, there isn’t going to be any genuine, lasting change in him, (and some people fake therapy, too.) My own counselor told me it’s so hard to leave an emotionally abusive marriage bc there’s good parts to it. It’s best to stay in reality!! and focus on myself and my healing.

I was thinking today that as much as I hated xh getting married to the OW, it has saved me a lot of drama. It’s up to me to work on myself and have a good life. They have a life that looks good on the outside, but 8 years into their marriage, my sons say they fight all the time about everything. So, I have a better life actually. No one is fighting with me and cheating on me, playing head games, etc. I live in a very peaceful home now, by myself, but calm & I can just "be".

(((Echo)))

Gurl - He is giving you a gift here.

Let me explain. During my D (and beyond), I was given signs I was doing/did the right thing by ending that relationship and D. It came in various ways, but the signs were there.

THIS is your sign. This man is SUPPOSED to be in a NB. THAT should be a wonderful stage when all is new and magical. He should be so lost in that. But nope, due to his lack of integrity, he is calling you on the down low and telling YOU that he still loves you, blah-blah-blah. You don't want that!!!

Don't even worried about the new person and what she does or doesn't look like. There is nothing to admire there. She is a victim here. She thinks she is in the start of a new relationship and he is already trying to run behind her back.

And he’s over here living his best life.

No he isn't. Read above. He is still a broken person building a broken relationship.

Don't take his calls. He is doing nothing but making you feel bad.

Make a plan for YOU and onward and upward, my friend!!!

Look, it's already been said, but if he's reaching out to you and sniffing around, he's not happy or living his best life.

Weight is temporary and can be lost or gained. When my ex got together with his current, she had lost a lot of weight and was much smaller than me. She's pregnant now, but before that she had gained weight and I had lost weight, and I was smaller. I mostly just feel bad for her because I know how mean he was to me about my weight.

Honestly I would just try to ignore him as much as you can. I fail with this with my ex, because we coparent, but seriously the less you can talk to him, the better.

Before our divorce was even final, ex had cheated on his current. He called me for advice (LORD) and was telling me about some of their fights and dynamics. I told him, and I meant this with 100 percent sincerity, that I would choose to be single for the rest of my life if all dating and relationships had to be as dramatic and full of conflict as their shit. But oh, you should see how shiny they look on social media. It's all fake. You know how your ex is. Don't be fooled.

he’s already with someone

Clearly this new relationship doesn't mean anything if he's reaching out to you!

I'd almost be tempted to tell her about it, but since she chose to be with a cheater she can find out on her own.

Keep moving forward!

Pretty human to be angry after his betrayal. Sit in it for a few hours, then move forward. His new girlfriend is in for heart ache, and you are free. And by the way, he isn’t close to happy.

Hugs.

I hear you. That's a tough one and hopefully by the time you read these responses you realize that no feeling is final. How you felt then about his news and your own situation may seem more tolerable now, tomorrow, and the next day. I am going on my third year of divorce and my own grief and rage about my experience have become less interesting. I don't dwell as much or invest a lot of energy in going back to it, though that could change next week. There's never a chronology with these emotions. Grief is a jackrabbit.

The other girlfriend may be younger, thinner, but he is the same cheating man, with the same hollow heart. HE's not a new and improved version of himself that you missed out on and he's not living his best life. If he were, he wouldn't have tried to convince you to come back. But you'd didn't go back because you are strong and smart. Smart enough to get yourself out of a terrible situation. He's not who you thought he was when you married him. He will cheat with the girlfiend, and the next woman, too. By then you will have found a way to live with this terrible experience.

I hear you. That's a tough one and hopefully by the time you read these responses you realize that no feeling is final. How you felt then about his news and your own situation may seem more tolerable now, tomorrow, and the next day. I am going on my third year of divorce and my own grief and rage about my experience have become less interesting. I don't dwell as much or invest a lot of energy in going back to it, though that could change next week. There's never a chronology with these emotions. Grief is a jackrabbit.

The other girlfriend may be younger, thinner, but he is the same cheating man, with the same hollow heart. HE's not a new and improved version of himself that you missed out on and he's not living his best life. If he were, he wouldn't have tried to convince you to come back. But you'd didn't go back because you are strong and smart. Smart enough to get yourself out of a terrible situation. He's not who you thought he was when you married him. He will cheat with the girlfiend, and the next woman, too. By then you will have found a way to live with this terrible experience.