First off, let me just start by expressing my absolute heartfelt thanks for the support, encouragement, tough-love, blunt advice, and kind messages that I received from this community. The huge outpouring of support I received here brought me much needed strength.
Next, a brief history of my story - a TL;DR, if you will:
- Married for less than 2 years; dated for a few years prior to our wedding.
- In early 2021 I started getting suspicious … something felt "off" with my wife’s "friendship" with a coworker.
- Had a chat with her in May 2021 when she basically told me that she "needed space", among other things. Basically she tried to blame me for the "issues’ in our marriage. Also she refused to participate in couples’ counseling with me.
- In June-ish(?) I first posted here, worried that she was having an emotional affair. I got like 45 pages of advice, comments, suggestions.
- Confronted my wife, she denied, denied, denied. Implemented a soft-180 and noticed her picking up on my behavior change.
- Eventually she came clean, I told her we were getting a divorce. She tried to get me stay, arguing that a divorce was "drastic" and we should merely separate.
- I moved out on August 2, 2021. Across the country to a new job.
- Divorce was finalized just over a month later.
NOW:
I am doing much better than I was six or seven months ago when I was posting here about my ex’s infidelity and my divorce.
Like, objectively so.
- I have a fantastic job, which is MUCH better than the one I left.
- live in a great city, close to family and tons of beautiful outdoor activities.
- have an amazingly fun, loving, and loyal dog
- get to travel for both work and for fun at least once a month (I’m typing this from an airport bar, returning from a trip where I visited old friends who I left when I moved away)
- am making tons of new friends
- have started to go out on dates and spending more time with girls, it’s been fun!
- Continuing my therapy and improving myself mentally.
- Have a consistent weight lifting routine and am improving myself physically
- I am developing my skills at playing guitar and getting into new hobbies
- I bought a new truck to help take my dog and I on many adventures.
And Best of all: I have started to set clear boundaries to help me live my own authentic life and value myself for who I am. I realize now that I was treated terribly by my ex-wife, who for many years in our relationship merely took advantage of who I was and my kindnesses. I allowed myself to be a "doormat" for far too long. The friends that I went to visit for the Super Bowl this weekend each pulled me aside and told me how proud they are of me. They know the circumstances of the divorce and the infidelity. They each told me that I deserve better, that they wish I had seen that value in myself sooner. They told me that my ex wife is…basically just living life as a shitty person. They don’t have much contact, or even friendship, with her anymore (and a couple of these friends have known her for like 12+ years! And are still not willing to maintain sincere friendships with a person who would do this to her husband). My friends made me feel so loved, so respected, and made me realize for the first time in my life that when I go against my desires to always "be selfless", and take care of myself and put myself first, I become a stronger, more confident, and happier person.
Now, all that said: I still have rough days. I still get triggered by a bad dream every now and then, or by a song that played at my wedding, or one that I sang at a concert with my ex. But these bad moments are certainly outweighed by the good moments I am living in this new chapter of my life. Things are only looking up from here.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I am about to board my flight home - and get ready for a date with the cute lady I’ve been spending some time with lately.
[This message edited by CheesecakeBaker at 10:00 PM, Monday, February 14th]
