SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Totally relate to the feeling like a fool. But, we're not fools!! I watched a therapist's TikTok yesterday and she had this message:

Instead of saying how stupid I was to be with this person, instead say "how could I have known people like this existed?"

I really like that change in the narrative of the negative self talk of being a fool, and instead shifting the negative onto the wayward. How was I to know a person like this existed and would infiltrate my life?

Similarly to you, my WH sent a NC and swore it was over. Found out weeks later it was still on with her. We are divorcing but he still is trying to tell me it's over with her...but I can tell from the "find my phone" app he was just at her place the other day. Even though we are divorcing, I still had this nugget of hope we was going to do the work on himself to be a better man, get this AP out of his life etc...but clearly not.

LostandBroken

I’m reading "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing," and it talks about idolizing our partners and elevating their status as a way to justify why we’re so devastated. The last line spoke to me: "In fact, you would be feeling this way even if your ex were very ordinary or below average." So, maybe they aren’t as great as we think. Our brain is tricking us.

I ordered that book and it is coming today! I KNOW this is happening. I was actually miserable in the marriage. My husband provided NO emotional support or companionship. I wished I could divorce him countless times actually. His drinking and partying and selfishness and absolutely lack of relationship with our children... I was SO lonely because he was never home and when he was he was so hungover he couldn't talk! And if he could he just ordered everyone around and took naps.

He actually did me a favor having this affair because now I get to divorce him with better terms for me (at-fault country). Of course, he's doing his whole "I have no assets or income now!" thing but he would have done that anyway, and it's probably not as effective as he thinks or everyone would do it.

In a year I will be living back in my hometown near my family with my children and we will be financially secure. I keep telling myself this. I will have my own home, I will have my own income, my children will grow up with their cousins and grandmother and we will be HAPPY.

I'm definitely idolizing him and the marriage and my husband was a VERY BAD husband actually so I should be thrilled we are divorcing.

robinbird, you’ve got this! I already see that you’re finding your strength and optimism.

In a year I will be living back in my hometown near my family with my children and we will be financially secure. I keep telling myself this. I will have my own home, I will have my own income, my children will grow up with their cousins and grandmother and we will be HAPPY.

This is wonderful!! You and your children are going to have such a positive and supportive future.

Stay strong, you're doing the right thing. Yes, breaking up is searingly painful, but it's a pain with a time limit. The less you interact with him, the sooner the pain will go away. You will heal completely, and one day will roll your eyes at the thought that you ever pined for him.

You're no fool. Humans are meant to bond, and that's what you did. Of course you wanted to stay bonded, you're human. He's the fool, not you.

You're no fool. Humans are meant to bond, and that's what you did. Of course you wanted to stay bonded, you're human. He's the fool, not you.

Thank you. He is the fool! I’m learning this more and more!

Morning glory your posts have been so helpful to me. Everything you’ve been posting is exactly what I’ve needed to hear. Thank you very much for everything you are saying xx