SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi all. I was on this site about 12 years ago. My ex husband of 30 years had been cheating. In addition to being an abusive narcissist. This site saved my sanity.
Flash forward to the past 9 months. The guy I was so in love with during high school looked me up. We were thick as thieves ever since. He wanted to get married, the whole bit.
Long story short I caught him sexting other women.
He told me about this in the beginning but said he had stopped when we started dating. I confronted him this morning. He tried to deny it. I sent him screenshots of his convo with one woman. It was very explicit so he couldn’t deny it. He tried the whole," I told her I was in a relationship so it’s not cheating ". Lmao did the rules change?!
I’ve gone no contact , but I feel terrible. I thought he was the one. I thought we had a future together. It seemed like kismet at the start now, I just don’t know.
Any words of comfort or advice?
Thanks

The only comfort that I have to offer is that you now know what is in front of you, as opposed to the first time that you were ever hit with infidelity. You have knowledge and power today that you didn't have many years ago.

You can use this to guide yourself forward. Sorry that you are back here.

Sorry you are here.

It all boils down to what you want for your life. Unfortunately you already have infidelity experience, and being on that boat again is hard.

Going by the past experience ask yourself what do you want for yourself? Nothing better than having that backup "expertize". Do you want someone who is loyal and respects you or someone who right from the start shows he may not be respecful towards you?

Only you can answer those questions.

You can't make him change who he is and who he wants to be. He needs to want to be that person to you. Willingly. It seems he does not want that at the moment.

Grab hand of your experience. And if need be, run as fast as you can - before things get even harder.

Or maybe, confront. Implement bondaries and look for the actions. Although the starting point does not seem too promising it seems.

All the best to you. You will be ok whatever your decision is.

[This message edited by justanotherperson at 9:44 PM, Wednesday, November 23rd]

It was very explicit so he couldn’t deny it. He tried the whole," I told her I was in a relationship so it’s not cheating ". Lmao did the rules change?!

"I told her I was in a relationship...."
That's rich!
What he knows he failed to do is to tell you he was in another relationship.

I'm so, so sorry that this has happened to you again. A sign of how prevalent cheating is, I guess--especially when electronics make it so accessible 24/7.

Not all men are cheaters. Many are good at commitment.

Sorry you have to use your past experience to heal again! But you do know the path better this time.

This is so common it makes me sick. I hate technology for these reasons. I think it makes me detach from reality so much they fail to see what they are actually doing.

I am so sorry he did that to you, it really isn't fair.

Thanks for replying.
I’m just so sad and angry at being played yet again.
I really thought he was the one. Especially since we were good friends in high school.
I seem to attract narcissists and alcoholics. I guess now I’ll add sex addict to the list.
I was happy single before he came back into my life. I know I’ll be happy again- being single.
I’m almost 60 and way to tired of the bs.
I’m done, but I’m good.
Thanks again 🙂

My 3 relationships that ended due to infidelity statred off amazing as well.

I think the ones who cheat make a big effort a d show at the start. Doesn't mean all great starts have cheating. Cheaters are good at lovebombing. Narcs are experts at it.

There's good souls out there. Don't despair.

You dodged a big nasty bullet.

was happy single before he came back into my life. I know I’ll be happy again- being single.

I’m almost 60 and way to tired of the bs.

I’m done, but I’m good.

Thanks again 🙂

Still plenty left for you to grab a old of life and to be happy. The mindset you show along with the experience certainly helps.

You will be ok. Take care of yourself.

All the best.

[This message edited by justanotherperson at 3:48 AM, Tuesday, November 29th]

I'm sorry you had to go through this. Been there done that but in reverse order. My first fiancé found a coworker that fit nicely into her backseat after her shift ended. And the woman I did first marry did as well. Well, not sure about the back seat part that time but then again I didnt ever really care either.
You still have a lot of life ahead of you and you'll find a decent one at some point. Generally when you arent looking, as it was with me, I was done, I had my son and that was all I needed or wanted in my life, and now I have had 26 years with an amazing woman.
You'll find it too.

People present themselves as being functioning moral adults, while they are far from it.

It is so difficult to know who people really are.

I can understand your feelings but the X came into the relationship without honesty. That’s not something you could know unfortunately.

My brain knows I dodged a bullet. My heart is still sad.
I’ve given up on finding someone. It would take me a long time to trust anyone again. And then what?! I’ll be in my sixties dealing with more crap?! Lol
No thanks. I’m so done, but I’m good. 🙂

Honey time to love yourself
Time to embrace yourself and give you everything you need and want in life.
Give you the best life you can.
Feel the feels grieve the loss because that is what we need to do to heal ourselves.
See a therapist to help if needed. But allow yourself to heal and gain happiness in life.

I'm turning 70 next year and so happy not to be saddled with a cheating icehole. They walk among us and eventually show their true colours. I'm so pissed for you since he was the one to chase you down. What a dick!

Sounds like you get to dodge that nasty bullet one more time. Single and fabulous and happy as a goddam clam. Welcome to the club.

This is what I thought when I read your post….

- wow, what an idiot he is for sexting and thinking weak words make it ok
- he doesn’t deserve her
- wow this lady knows she deserves way more
- good for her for kicking him to the curb
- it won’t be long before she meets a decent man
- I admire her