SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I don't know why, but I cannot be physical yet with my husband. We are 4 months post DDay, and I am trying to slowly hug, kiss, etc. and while spooning the other day I felt his erection and TBH it just makes me SO uncomfortable. Anybody else in this situation?

4 months is not much time, usually we say 2-5 years to be healed and reconciled. However, the fact that you said it makes you uncomfortable is a concern. What is he doing or not doing to establish some level of trust and solid ground for your relationship? Has he been working on his whys in IC?

@Bor9455

He's actually doing everything he should be. But this is his second affair (both affairs he did while I was pregnant) and after thinking we were doing well after years of counseling, bam, I got a text from a random girl and here we are.

I think the emotional damage is so deep that I cannot even begin to fathom something physical with him. Although, I was never a lovey, dovey, physical person to begin with, but we did have sex, etc. I'm just not a cuddler. But my therapist suggested taking a small step and spooning, etc. to begin physical intimacy again. Just the thought of him being with other women can't get out of my head.

For me, intimacy requires trust. I could not even think about trusting anything about my husband at 4 months. It took a while before I did not dissolve in tears each time we tried to be intimate. There is no rush or requirement for you to be intimate with your husband after TWICE being betrayed until you are damed good and ready. He should be eternally grateful that your are even allowing him to be in your presence. Your husband risked your health and the health of his children twice when you were most vulnerable. What is he doing to become a safe partner? His ACTIONS in the direction of becoming a better human will allow you to begin to build trust. It is ok for you to not be ready for intimacy. It is ok for you to evaluate your life and your marriage and to take the time you need for YOU. He lost his right to an opinion about what you do when he cheated. You did not get to voice your opinion. You were a hostage to his lack of integrity. Right now, YOUR needs come first.