SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

This is a more casual thread. Ran into someone that looked like "AP's Name".

Conversation went like this.

FWW: Yhere is a guy on this trip that looks like (AP's Name).

Me: Like your ex?

No.

Like my brother?

No.

Oh, like your affair partner?

Yes.

Affair partner has too many syllables. We should figure out something else.

Eh, won't be that common.

So. Y'all got other stuff, fewer syllables? Maybe without curse words. I don't actually need any help here. Most casual and public use of "affair partner" in public while chilling. So that's a kind of progress.

I've actually been wondering the same. I hate the term affair partner. WH's AP has the same name as one of my best friends and I am trying to hard to not correlate that name with AP or have it become a trigger.

Hopefully someone else will chime in with ideas.

I like 'ap', 'om', 'ow'. Never capitalized. Never the 1st word in a sentence. They aren't worth the trouble it takes to come up with anything else.

I hate calling WSes names. Calling a WS a snake just insults snakes, and I think the same for every other name I've considered and/or heard.

JMO.

Bringing my own suggestion after marinating.

Ex-affair partner = xap

Pronounced "zap". I like it.

neat

ETA: I like A.C.C. a lot. It's descriptive. But, yeah, too many syllables.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 10:58 PM, Wednesday, March 1st]

Affair partner has too many syllables. We should figure out something else.

Since this is a casual thread...one lovely BW wrote "adultery co-conspirator" once...and I thought that was very appropriate...so I've been using it ever since!!

It has way too many syllables for this thread...lol!! But it FITS for me...and when I am using my phone...it shows up in the shortcut when I type in "ad"...so I don't have to type anything else...WIN-WIN!! "Adultery" has a much more negative connotation that "affair"...and "co-conspirator" fits better than "partner" for me.

If someone can come up with something else that gives me the same feeling I have when I type out "adultery co-conspirator"...I am all for it!!!

Way too many syllables! But I like the phrasing.

POSOM is my favorite by far, but I recognize the gender bias.

On Reddit several people refer to AP meaning affair potato. That always makes me smile a bit.

I do have a name for my specific OM/AP.

Seeing as how I walked in on them having sex only about five weeks before our big wedding and seeing as how we had plans to buy a house not far from her parents and seeing as how we talked about starting a family and seeing as how had he not been there and me seeing this all I would have been deep in dept and further in commitment maybe only 12 months later and my then wife but at-that-time fiancé would still have the internal demons that made her seek out strangers for a hookup…
I call him "savior".

But then – We were engaged and for me at that time and at that stage in my life moving on from that relationship was the correct response.

She will always be just plain 'her' I never use her name.

In our house we generally avoid using "her" name. It's almost like a Lord Voldemort thing - she who won't be named. To be honest, this far out her name doesn't come up all that much these days.

When she is referred to, we tend to use a term I'm not super proud of (and I'm not sure that I'm allowed to use on the R board). I'll give you a hint - it rhymes with "snow"bag (but instead of snow, think a garden tool). Strangely, it's not even really said out of malice, more an inside joke. The origin is that my husband referred to her as "that snowbag" one time about 10-11 months out and it made me laugh (its not a term either of us would normally ever use so it was very unexpected). At that point, laughter - especially about the A - was so rare and felt so good, that it was kind of a nice moment for us. After that, the term just kind of stuck.

It’s hard to avoid the name, our neighbor has the same first name and it’s hard for me to say his name.

When deciding on a Covid vaccine, one had the AP’s last name not once but twice. I told my W nothing with that name is sticking anything into anyone in my family. Funny thing is, just like the AP, it was one and done vaccine 🤣

Yeah, I don't say ow's name, either. Ironically, my post-d-day therapist's office was on a street with the same name as ow's surname. That helped untrigger that name for me.

I just say "Bozo "

My term is: "SCOW"

No swear words allowed, so I won't state what the acronym means.

Strangely enough, if our 2nd child had been a girl, she would have been given the same name as AP. In fact, we referred to our 2nd baby by that name for months before the birth since the ultrasound technician told me, with 99% certainty, that I was having a girl. I found out a week before giving birth that it was actually our 2nd boy. Thankfully, his name is nowhere near similar to "hers." I no longer like that name and refuse to use it. I don't like the term "affair partner" because "partner" implies a positive association (like a business partner, life partner, dancing partner, writing partner, etc.). I started out calling her the b-word, but my IC said WH would probably respond better to our discussion if I used a more neutral term. I now just refer to her as "that person" or "that other person." It's impersonal and non-descript.

Recently during our second try at marriage counseling, I asked what the OW thought would happen. Did she think he would leave me? Did he say he would leave me? Did he lead her to beleive he was going to leave me? I mean, she hung on for 9 years. He said she asked him if she was just a sex toy. So, yeah, I intend to refer to her as sex toy going forward. I can't stand to say her name.

[This message edited by ClimateChange at 4:12 AM, Monday, March 6th]

It's a little a difficult because my mom almost named me something similar to AP. Difference was ending in 'e' rather than AP'S 'a'. I have a step-sister with the 'e' ending, so the name doesn't bother me as much.

The name of the city where AP lives was a different matter. It took longer to stop having my heart stop when the name of the city where AP lives took a few years.

I don’t have a suggestion for a generic alternative to AP.

My specific AP I refer to as Snaggletooth for reasons which would be obvious if you were to see the fat bastard.

[This message edited by Wiseoldfool at 3:50 PM, Monday, March 6th]