Also,
NC is fundamental. It’s of little use going to couples counseling when she’s still actively cheating (breaking NC)
In priority order:
1. Establish NC (shut down all social media, jettison friends of the affair, accomplices, bad influencers)
2. Full Disclosure & Transparency (turn over of all electronics, passwords, correspondence, communications apps)
3. STD Check
4. Due diligence investigation & surveillance
5. Request timeline
6. IC (Infidelity Spec)
7. Notify OBS
8. Rally support (best friend, sibling, parent)
9. Consult an attorney
10. Protect (your dignity, your finances, your reputation, the narrative, your personal safety)
Now, there’s a thing called "Affair Fog" that she still seems to be in. That’s a condition where she’s still emotionally invested in the affair, preoccupied with the AP, and is still, at least, emotionally cheating, not fully committed to NC and, especially, not R.
Now I, personally, have ZERO tolerance or patience for "The Affair Fog" and I always advise a hard "180" followed by service of divorce papers if they fail to comply. There’s nothing more bracing, more reality invoking, more fog clearing than service of divorce papers.
This may seem extreme, but extreme situations require extreme measures. What your wife is doing is intolerable, dangerous, injurious, deeply inconsiderate and disrespectful and needs to stop right now.
Divorce proceedings are a long methodical process-by design, that progresses by degrees and can be paced or halted or reversed at your discretion.
