SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So I'm back again. I was going along this week, feeling a little more like myself, when all of a sudden this afternoon, putting down mulch around muddy areas of the yard triggered a breakdown of sorts, I don't know why. I literally felt like my heart was being ripped to shreds.
I can't stop thinking about what he did, I can't! Everytime I try to distract myself, it's like my brain wants to hit replay on the day I found out, the enormity of the lies and betrayal, the thought that he is probably just going to pick himself up and find someone new without a care in the world, while I am literally destroyed. He took EVERYTHING from me! The relationship I thought was being cultivated, the future I envisioned, it's all completely shattered.
It is taking every bit of strength I have not to contact him. In my head I have entire conversations with him,telling him exactly what he did to me. (Please keep telling me not to contact him!I haven't had any contact with him since the day I found out, March 7. )
The counselor I am seeing right now is ghosting me too. I'd like to drop him as well. He may not help me anyway, I think I need someone more specific to what I'm going through(someone with expertise in betrayal trauma?).
I think I need to stay with counseling for a long time, too. I have to get to the bottom of why it is I attract narcissists into my life if I'm ever going to find peace within myself.

Grief does not follow a straight line. It will circle back and floor you when you least expect it. Remember who he is by what he does. He has done nothing to make you feel better. That should tell you who he is.
Stay no contact. You will gradually get better. I do recommend a trauma counselor. Try to find one that specializes in trauma from cheating. And NEVER let anyone blame you for his behavior. That is all on him!

The emotional rollercoaster ride is real. Hang in there, it does get better but not overnight.

No contact means no new hurts. In the D/S forum, there's a thread where you can post what you'd say to him so you don't break NC.

If he's a true narc, he only views you as an object to be manipulated and tossed aside. You breaking contact only gives him supply and will only hurt you in the end.

A betrayal trauma specialist really helped me.

I'm so sorry, I remember those early days, one day I'd be fine, the next day or two a hot mess.

It's going to take awhile to continue moving forward, there's always a step or two backwards, but what you are feeling is completely normal.

Please do not contact him, it will only make you feel worse, and I guarantee you will regret it.

Do what you can to keep busy, make sure you get out and meet family and friends.

In those early days, I used to pack up my computer and head off to a coffee shop and just get away from my environment for a short respite.

Be kind to yourself and find a good counselor, sounds like you may have PTSD (not fun).

What you are describing is normal, sadly. And yes, find a therapist who is experienced in trauma treatment. You can also talk to your doctor and see if anti-anxiety drugs might help take the edge off.

This does end… it just takes more time than we want.

Hang in there.

hey, I think the first thing you need to do is not tro try to figure out why you attract people like him. You need to figure out how to get out of this mess with your future secure, a great group of friends and relatives and a path forward. The time to figure out who you go out with comes later before you are starting to go out with someone else. In the meantime, is the counseling for you or is this counseling trying to figure out this relationship ? If it's the latter, stop the counseling. If it's the former, keep it going but the counseling should all be about you moving forward from this nightmare.

Your objective is to end things clear and be in a good position. You did nothing to deserve this mess.

Build a timeline based on your objectives. Focus on that timeline and you. Stay on it and get out. Life will be enjoyable afterwards. Yes, not right away but when the light hits, it will be the best feeling you have had in a long time