SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It was all brutal. A huge sob fest even though 2 of the kids suspected it was coming. It was the hardest thing I have ever done.

Devastation all around. We are at ground zero.

This is a mutual decision and we both agree there is no going forward.

Some told me I would feel a bit of relief after telling kids. But I feel dead inside and the amount of hurt they now carry is SOOOOO painful.

Did anyone else feel this way even though you wanted the divorce? I think this is one of those moments that will forever change my heart and my kids hearts.

I told my adult kids about the A way before we went to D. When I pulled the plug on the M, I was numb at first, then the grieving process for the M.

Now, my life is so much more peaceful. The kids have as much or as little as they want. They're glad the football draft is over and I heard one mention he's going radio silence. There dealing with the change ok.

It will change everyone but not necessarily in a bad way. As painful as it is right now, having an honest authentic relationship with your adult kids will be worth it. And now they can process the hurt they had before but didn’t understand because they didn’t know why they hurt. Now they do and they can work through it.

You did the right thing. Hang in there. You will all get through this.

My two adult sons live quite a ways away from me. I told them what was happening we I made the decision to divorce their mother. My youngest still lived (and still does) with me. My oldest two (both in their 30's)were stunned but supportive. I encouraged them to remain in contact with their mother. Neither were able to come and see me until about a year and half after the divorce was final and about 2 years after the separation. Despite the fact that they knew their parents were divorced, it still rocked their world to actually see us apart. My oldest commented that he thought I was handling it well but that he wasn't doing quite as good with it. I had to gently remind him that I had lived through the 2 years of attempted reconciliation after discovering her cheating and that I'd not spent any time with his mother for 2 more years, so I had a front row seat onto my new life, whereas he was just actually seeing it for the first time.

I've continued to make it a point to encourage all three of my sons to have a relationship with their mother. I don't want to be that "bitter" parent. My youngest only sees his mother about once a month. I'm not sure how often the older ones talk to her, but I expect its not often.

I don't think I ever felt any relief after I told them, but it was something that needed to happen. I come from a family with long marriages (both sets of grandparents made it 60+ years) and my parents are now on year 63 or 64 together. I expected I would die married to my ex, but things worked out differently. My life is much better now.

[This message edited by countrydirt at 1:18 AM, Monday, June 12th]