SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

She would not do a poly.

Assuming you asked her to do this, and she refused, how can you not possibly assume she’s refusing because she’s guilty?

I agree- if she’s refusing a poly that probably tells you what you need to know. People with nothing to hide are open books.

I went to postnup route. It was a condition to even considering R or MC. I consider it an insurance plan. I did NOT include an infidelity clause because I feel it would just encourage him to be sneakier. Just if we were to get divorced.

His attorney did not want him to sign it- but he did anyway because he knows I’m not wasting even one more second of my life without assurances and a sign of good faith on his part that he has some serious skin in the game. He also agreed to polys if and when I want.

I hope it works out for you (with or without her) but without honesty there is nothing. If your guts telling you something- listen.

The sole purpose of it would be drastically financially penalize a wayward spouse

If I were your wife’s immoral and unscrupulous best friend and she came to me for advice about signing the type of postnup that you’re describing, I would tell her to go ahead and sign it (just to get you out of her hair) because she could easily claim coercion and a reasonable judge wouldn’t likely enforce a postnup that’s so completely lopsided in your favor.

If you want a postnup for peace of mind, it needs to be fair (in terms of what’s legal and customary in your state) and reviewed and approved by both your attorneys (you can’t use the same one).

If you want hard proof that your wife is being unfaithful, your best bet is to get off her back, pretend that everything is happy and back to normal, and hire a PI to track her movements and whereabouts. If you can’t hire a PI, you’ll just have to wait for her to slip up again.

But in the absence of a confession or "smoking gun," At a certain point you will need to decide whether the relationship— as it is right now— I acceptable to you.