Topic is Sleeping.
Jajaynumb ( member #83674) posted at 9:44 AM on Tuesday, August 29th, 2023
This might be difficult to hear but it’s true. You’re so lucky compared to some of us here. You’re not married, there’s no kids and you’re only 30. Get out of there. No contact and more on. Physically move locations if you can do. The betrayal wound will take a while to heal but it will. She’s shown who she really is, believe her and run for the hills.
https://library.survivinginfidelity.com/topics/661294/worse-than-hell-yes-its-all-true/
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 2:05 PM on Tuesday, August 29th, 2023
What are the goals of your IC?
If you don't have one, I'll suggest something like 'get the feelings of anger, fear, grief, and shame that came with being betrayed out of my body' and '(re)build my self-esteem'.
I think what you're doing is seeing yourself as Victim and Persecutor in a series of Drama Triangles. You can find out about DTs and how to get out of them by searching the web on 'karpman drama triangle' (no quotes).
The way out, basically, is to figure out what you're feeling, stop thinking, and let the feeling flow through your body.
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
Lurkingsoul12 ( member #82382) posted at 2:24 PM on Tuesday, August 29th, 2023
This may be normal for some people. But not for me.
You misinterpreted what Adolfo was trying to say.'Normal' here means what you are going through, your insecurities, self-doubts, and panicking are not exclusive to you. Also, in no way is he trying to undermine what you are going through by calling it 'normal'. Every betrayed spouse go through the same pattern regardless of their gender, status of their relationship (R'ing or D'ing), duration of affair, status of relationship before the affair etc etc. They all go through a similar process, and that is what he meant by 'Normal'. Healing from such betrayal takes time. It also takes willingness from you to heal. 7 months is still too early. It will take years to heal. Have faith. Stick to your therapy. It will get better.
[This message edited by Lurkingsoul12 at 9:08 AM, Friday, September 1st]
Adolfo ( member #79193) posted at 7:30 AM on Friday, September 1st, 2023
Lurkingsoul12
You misinterpreted what Adolfo was trying to say.'Normal' here means what you are going through, your insecurities, self-doubts, and panicking are not exclusive to you.
Exactly.. Thank you. You said it better than I did.
Topic is Sleeping.
