SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

You are/were in love with the woman you thought your WGF was. Now the real version of her is standing in front of you. It isn't pretty and it's tough to reconcile. This is the beginning of your journey. Take it slow. Look after yourself. Post often and read everything here you can get your hands on. I'm almost 6 years out and in a good place, so take if from me, this is a transitory phase of your life. Holding space brother...

Thank you. I’m starting the realise this now. I’m glad you are in a good place now.

I want to make really clear, because I understand you're searching for reasons, that this behaviour has nothing to do with you or your marriage. The many people here will be able to help you understand the general reasons "why", but your partner might take a very long time to be able to answer you.

How are you feeling NOW?

Thank you for your advice. I appreciate your reply.

I’m doing ok. I think about it most of every day at the moment. And when I come home from work and see her I just don’t see the same person anymore.

But I’m hitting the gym 4 days a week which helps a lot.

A long journey ahead I’m sure.

That is really good news, it will help with all the stress you're feeling. Expect yourself to be in shock for a while. I hope you can keep talking here, you will find the best advice. Just talk as much as you want to, ask questions and get it out

So, she cheats on you once, nothing happens while you pry the truth out of her. She just shrugs, drops the truth on you and you become suicidal and depressed. She just pretends this is something you have to get through and owns none of those emotions.
You then, much later, catch her again doing exactly what she did before. Just the guy wasn't a POS like the first one.
You are now hurting again and she can't understand why you are struggling. She didn't care the first time, then wants to do the same thing this second time. So which time will make you actually take action? The third, the fourth?
You are British. Stop that. Feel your feelings in this because not forcing her to feel your pain isn't how you treat your partner. She steam rolls your pain and thinks you need to just soldier on through it. Leave her and make her chase after you. She can't prove she will chase you if you don't run. Give it a shot. Run this time and make her prove she wants you enough to swallow her pride and chase after you. Trying to ignore it did nothing last time, so please try action, this time.