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So she has thrown the towel and has given me "I am not committed to this relationship" speech. We are moving forward with the Divorce. We are currently doing IHS (In House Separation). We are not fighting. We have two kids 8 and 12 years old. We will try the mediation route initially. We are both salaried workers, I make almost twice as much as her. From what I am told there are no existing calculators for spousal supports longer than 10 years in California.

I'm curious if anyone has experience with mediation and would appreciate any insights. Additionally, both of us have pension plans and share ownership of a house.

You'll have to check exactly how the legal system is set up in your country/state/province.
Often mediators are just interested in getting a deal done, and not so much in what you are legally entitled to. They certainly don't provide you the same advice as a lawyer and don't represent your interests independently.
With children in the picture, I do encourage you to consult a lawyer to find out what your rights are with divorce. In some areas, there is such a thing as collaborative divorce where you both have an attorney and try to collaboratively work within the legal framework in a non-litigious way, often with a focus on what truly is best for the kids. It's like a middle-ground between lawyers and mediators with representation. It will be more expensive than a mediator (but cheaper than litigation), but the cost is well worth it if you have children.
Just my 3 cents.

Mediation if I remember correctly was almost some kind of requirement, at least I recall being required to attend a mediation.

Was it useful? Yes, but it depends upon perspective and how much one side or both sides are willing to just get it over with. Have a plan, have a good lawyer in the room and know how much everything is going to cost should it go to trial. I made a business decision during the process, but a lot of the groundwork had been set during the of the previous hearing. We made the other side believe we were going to make it ugly, embarrassing and costly when in reality our plan was getting the best financial deal and no entanglements on my earnings in the future.

In short, have a plan, have what you want to accomplish, have your redlines and remember you don't have to make a deal. Only make a deal that makes sense for you.

Oh and remember your soon the be ex-wife isn't on your side now, do not expect good or decent behavior from her side.

My mediation date is set for tomorrow, 11/16. Anyone else have any insights to share?

Know your priorities?

What's your bottom line must have?

What are you willing to give up or compromise on? Follow your attorneys advice. What are things she will want but you don't, and use in bargaining. Stay cool and calm.

Keep your eyes on the end game. Do not get diverted or manipulated.

Good luck.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 7:18 PM, Wednesday, November 15th]

Curious how your mediation appointment went. Let us know!

I am interested in mediation as well, so I’m curious how you initiated this. Did both you and WS go together to meet with a lawyer to act as the mediator?

Its been a while Welp,
How are you going?