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So here we are a week and a half from d-day. The last week and a half my nerves have been shot. I could barely stop shaking at any point. Tears, heart wrenching sobs, and anger that bubbles up like I never feel has all happened. I forgot to eat, couldn't sleep more than a few hours each night. And today it's like my body decided to pause the feelings. I can feel some things like aches and pains everywhere. I feel tired. But mostly I just feel worn out on a deep level. And like my emotions are just numb. Songs, images, little things that have been setting me off are happening but its like my body just doesn't have the strength to care anymore. I have started to get my appetite back and I did take a sleeping pill last night to try to get some sort of solid sleep. So what is this I'm feeling? Is it normal? And what happens next? Am I about to get hit with another round of absolutely debilitating emotions?

It's very normal. If you've ever lost a loved one, you will recognize the highs, lows and the flatness when you just don't have it in you to grieve at the level you had been. Sometimes we need a break from feeling and thinking and our body gives it to us. It's not that you don't care, but that you can't keep that up that level of grief indefinitely.

It is very, very normal.

WRL,

I can attest to this being 100% normal. We have similarities in that this isn’t your first DDay. I can remember the first one and my reactions were more severe but this last one I was numb and emotionless. I think it’s a protection mechanism but I also think we are damage from repeated abuse.

I think my WH realized I was checked out honestly I still am. He is going to IC and I’m waiting for some answers of why.

I hope you have a good support network. I didn’t share with anyone my first DD. I have shared now with a few. It’s empowered me to stop with the secrets and protection of a marriage that is gone.

You are stronger than you think. Take care of yourself and start sharing his behavior so you are not isolated.

S2D

And today it's like my body decided to pause the feelings. I can feel some things like aches and pains everywhere. I feel tired. But mostly I just feel worn out on a deep level. And like my emotions are just numb.

Completely normal. It's often referred to as the plain of lethal flatness... almost like being stuck in the doldrums with no wind to the sails.

If you think of things in terms of a journey... sometimes you take a few steps ahead. Sometimes you take a few steps back to find a better path. And sometimes you just need to rest to gather your strength. It's all part of the process of climbing that mountain. But you are making progress, and that's the important thing. It may not look like it, but trust in yourself that you are. Keep faith - the view once you get the the summit is absolutely amazing.

It’s normal. You body protects you and releases the emotions in doses. So yeah, another wave will come by. Sorry. But you get better at handling them. Drink lots of water, get some sleep, exercise and eat healthy food. Avoid alcohol and drugs. This steps will help your body and mind handle this stuff. See your doctor if it becomes too much - many of us needed anti-anxiety or anti-depression meds to help us in the early days. If you stop eating or keep vomiting, keep some protein shakes around to sip on throughout the day.

For your emotions, it’s a roller coaster. Ups, downs, and straight-aways. Remember that no emotion stays long, and you can get through them. An IC can help you develop coping, and journaling and talking about your feelings can help you work through them.

I am so sorry you are going through this.

Today as I try to dig deep and find my emotions in this, I think maybe numb IS an emotion. Its like I've been drowning and clawing and fighting for the surface and today my body broke through and is gulping air but that's about it. I can't get out of the water. Can't get out of the storm. But for this one moment I'm actually thanking God and praising Him for this respite that I need so very much.

I have to say that although I wouldn't wish this betrayal on anyone, I'm so glad to have you all here supporting me, giving me advice and just in general making this less lonely and devastating. Thank you for answering my posts ❤️

[This message edited by wantreallove at 7:13 PM, Friday, October 27th]