First things first
A little over a year ago I (m42) posted here about the infidelity by the mother (37) of my kids (8 and 10 now). I won't repeated said story completely, you can read it over there: https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/topics/658265/married-for-13-years-together-for-17-its-over-but-im-still-angry/
So the mother of my kids cheated, I found out and divorced her. During my original post I was in the process of getting divorced and finding a new home for me and my kids.
What happened next
Our divorce finalized November last year, which was ahead of schedule as we were told that the earliest possibility to be divorced would be by the end of December. We could agree on everything with the kids (both wanting 50/50 co-parenting). We aren't materialistic so the division of what we owned was easy. The only hurdle was our home. I sold my part of the ownership to her, which took some effort on both our ends and I went on looking for a new place for me and my kids.
In The Netherlands, we are experiencing a housing crisis. There isn't much to find and when a house becomes available, it's either sold or rented the next day. But eventually, I found a house that had nearly everything that I wanted (except for a garage), but in these times I could not be that picky, so I went for it and got it. I've been living there since the first of April of this year.
From the day I moved to my new place, I started feeling more peace with the situation. I realized how much stress she had been giving me for the past few years and finally living somewhere without her changed everything. I had already started therapy when I was still living with her and I kept going in my new situation. But after a few sessions it became clear that I didn't need it anymore.
The week after getting my new place, I had to take my motorcycle exam (I started with lessons the year before) and I passed. So soon after, I bought my first motorcycle.
How are the kids
The kids love their new place. They have a nice room, for both I created a huge wall painting of their choice (Zelda/Link for my son, an anime character for my daughter).
We live in a very new house (build 3 years ago) and there are playgrounds all around us. They love playing outside when they are with me, which they almost never do in their old home. They haven taken the divorce better than I expected. They are happy, they adjusted to this new normal.
In the summer we went to Disneyland Paris for 5 days. The kids had the time of their lives and so did I. I remember this as the first time I missed a partner to enjoy it with. The first time I considered finding someone.
I barely think about their mother or AP. When I interact with her, I smile, joke and make small talk. I don't let her know my true feelings about her. But she isn't on my mind that much. We see each other on Fridays during the 'kids exchange'. We sometimes chat on whatsapp if we need something (related to the kids), but other than that, she doesn't occupy my mind. AP I avoid as the plague. I don't want to interact with him and I make sure I don't have to.
A new normal
A few months ago, not long after moving to my new place, I woke up happy and relaxed. This feeling was weird at the time and I assumed it was temporary, but after a few weeks, still the same. Now months later, still happy and relaxed. So I've accepted this as my new baseline.
After returning from the summer holiday, I joined a dating app and within 2 days I had set up a first date with someone. While I did enjoy the date, I didn't feel a romantic connection so it didn't go anywhere. However, when I posted about that date on reddit, I was contacted by a woman from the UK. Chatted with her for about a month and she convinced me to visit her. I stayed with her for 3 days and nights and this is the first time in 2,5 years I was intimate with someone again. And again, and again. We tried the long distance thing for another month, but it became clear that we had very different expectations from each other. I was in a happy zone and in peace with my past, she was very much not in peace with her past and tried to rely on me for her happiness, which I didn't want on my shoulders. So I ended it with her a few weeks ago. It was a good experience and if anything, I learned that I have enough love to give.
No rush
As much as I enjoyed intimacy, and someone wanting to be with me again, I'm not in any rush to find a new partner. If it comes my way, it will come my way. I'm making new friends, enjoying new hobbies and I really enjoy my life again. When the kids are here, I make sure they have the best time of their lives. They are doing great at school, they have fun and they feel loved, which is my number 1 priority. When the kids are with their mother, I enjoy my social life, which I didn't have when married because of my exes job. So one year later, I lost my anger, I am happy again and I see nothing but good for the future.
