SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I wasn't sure if I should post here or in New Beginnings. This place seems to have more activity.

My oldest is a senior. I always figured he would be going away to college and didn't really think about other options. Well, he may be going local and commuting. How does this work out with living arrangements? Our current schedule is every other week at the other house. My second oldest is in 10th. So he will be going back and forth another 2 years. Do kids typically choose one home and stay there after graduation? Or continue the off and on schedule?

I know no one in real life that can relate. I know it's different for everyone, but curious to hear what's happened for those in a similar situation.

♥ little turtle

I think he would do what he wanted-I mean he's an adult. Hopefully your ex will continue to help with child support.

My daughter is in college and son is graduating high school this year. Daughter knows she can do what she wants. She still comes to stay with me for part of the week every other week. My son can do the same or stay where he wants after graduation. My xWS pays for what they need when they are with him and I pay when they are with me. Right now their first two years of college is free since they are attending community college. I expect my ex to always help pay for 1/2 of their expenses. I have never received child support from him nor any type of alimony.

When my DS was at that point in his life a couple years a go he made the decision on what he wanted to do.

Hopefully your ex will continue to help with child support.

XWH was planning to cut the support in half. I told him the court ordered amount for 1 kid is higher than simply cutting it in half. So he agreed to a little more than half. Not worth going to court for.

She still comes to stay with me for part of the week every other week.

Is this the same as before she graduated?

When my DS was at that point in his life a couple years a go he made the decision on what he wanted to do.

100%! I need to prepare myself for any of the possibilities. DS may decide to stay with his dad more often than here. Or stay here more often... I struggle with these life changes!

Thanks everyone for responding.

lt

XWH was planning to cut the support in half. I told him the court ordered amount for 1 kid is higher than simply cutting it in half. So he agreed to a little more than half. Not worth going to court for.

My ex thought the same thing and took me back to court to have it adjusted (expecting to pay half). He walked out of there paying more for one child, then he did for 2.

Judge explained that just because a child graduated does not mean your household bills are cut in half. Heat cost the same weather you are sheltering one child or two, etc.

In many areas (but not my state), CS remains intact through college, etc.

But back to your original question, I would let your child decide what living arrangements. He is the one juggling college, commuting, etc. Legally, you could check to see when a child ages out in your area. In mine, it was graduation or turning 18 (whichever was the latter).

Is this the same as before she graduated?

Sort of... before she graduated I had her for a full week (every other week) per our separation order at the time. Now that she is an adult she can basically choose when she wants to come over so it has been significantly less than before she graduated but I still see her.

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 5:18 PM, Friday, March 8th]

I would let your child decide what living arrangements.

Of course. He gets to decide what he wants to do. I'm trying to prepare myself for the various scenarios. I know it's impossible, but it helps me with transitions when I've thought about the possibilities.

crazyblindsided, I would be OK with that, but it would be an adjustment that I need to prepare for. If he does end up going away, I'm hardly going to see him then as well. Bottom line, I want my kiddo to be happy wherever he is.

Not sure if you claim either child, but when your child is in college-even away-you can still claim them on your taxes if they are at least 1/2 time enrolled. I was a low income earner and got the child tax credit and I think Head of Household filing, not sure all that’s the same.

I don’t think the college aged student has to continue the every other week visitation, but can if they want.

I claim both.

I don't like not knowing what is going to happen.

but it would be an adjustment that I need to prepare for.

Oh definitely. It was an adjustment for me, even the 50/50 I was not used to. It's taken me all of 4 years to get used to this It's hard for us mamas whether it's a separation or divorce or them just plain ol leaving for college.

I filed for divorce in 2016. My eldest was about to start college and my two younger were in mid school.

Fast forward to 2024. My eldest finished college and two younger are in college. Younger live in dorms.

I remained completely engaged with my children. They call me almost everyday. I’m never judgmental. Support them emotionally and financially. Always encourage them to reach out to therapist for guidance; reinforce that no shame in therapy.

I have remained NC since the day I filed. NC worked. Does not mean that I don’t encourage them to build their relationship with mom.

Do what is best for your children. Be present.

He's decided that he wants to go away to school, but it's still up in the air as to where!

No clue how to prepare for when he visits home and where he will go. I don't think that's even possible to do. So I'll have to wing it and see how it goes.

I'll have to reach out more so I can be involved when I don't see him. I've been trying to help him decide where to go and to make sure he's doing all of the things to not miss out on anything. XH is clueless and expects DS to figure it out. Always reminding me that he's nearly an adult.