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Today many countries dedicate this day to women, especially those whose rights have not been respected.

IN families too often fathers do not contribute enough to raising the children. How many dads take a part time job so they can stay with their children after school, take them to the different sport activities, do their homework together, cook together, spend time together? VERY FEW.

How many dads after work go straight home to look after the children? VERY FEW.

How many men take unpaid leave or paternal leave when their children are born or are very young? VERY FEW.

How many men work part time so that their wife can go on business trips and pursue her career? VERY FEW.

How many dads stay at home when their children are poorly or in hospital? VERY VEW.

How many dads organise child care when it is needed? VERY FEW.

So we live in a society, westernised or not, in which dads rarely act as parents. Then, in case of divorce, the majority of the children live with their mums and see their fathers rarely.

Most dads owe their career to their patient wife who maybe worked but juggled work and family without any time to herself. Yet when divorce takes place they selfishly struggle to divide the assets equally because they were the ones bringing home most of the money. If they just understood why that happened...

I don't know much about International Women's Day. I've only heard of it in the last 5 years or so.

As a woman in my late 50s, I can't support that the primary purpose of this day is to show how men or fathers are not doing their part in raising families. I feel that my husband, while still a cheating spouse, did in fact contribute equally in the ways that you mentioned here. Many other men that I personally know are also doing the things that you mention here.

I can support that women should be equally represented in medical studies. In the USA, my country, I can support that they should be supported in an equal way with sexual and reproductive like that men are supported in things like erectile dysfunction. I can support that women have unique challenges to child birth and careers and should be supported for the benefit of society. I support calling attention to issues.

I'm one of those women that celebrates this day. So many women in the past have influenced me in the directions I took in life. From Eleanor Roosevelt to Rosa Parks. I credit strong women with showing me the way. This forum is filled with strong women such as Tushnurse, Whatsright, Dragn and so many others like the co-founder of this site. '

Internation Women's Day is not to diminish men but rather to give strong women our due - it has not been an easy task for our earlier sister to fight for us since 1920 to even go vote. So give yourself a pat on the back today for being who we are.

Another vote for viewing Women's Day as an opportunity to build women up rather than run men down.

According to their website... International Women's Day (March 8) is a global day celebrating the social, economic, cultural, and political achievements of women.

Doesn't mention dads or men at all.

I disagree with your huge generalizations. It's not the case at all in my home.

I agree with others who point out that the purpose of International Women's Day is to celebrate and uplift women, not to tear down men.

So we live in a society, westernized or not, in which dads rarely act as parents.

Hi Molly, I don't know what generation you're from or where you live (apparently the USA for now, but you've mentioned you are from elsewhere) but I can tell you, for my generation (millennials), where I'm from (Canada - certainly a westernized location), this statement is patently untrue. This is not the case in my marriage or in many of the families I am surrounded by (and I have young kids).
According to PEW Research, millennial dads spend 3 times as much time with their kids than fathers did generations ago. In 2016, Dads made up 17% of all stay-at-home parents. Keep in mind that the % of families with a stay at home parent has decreased markedly as women have increased their participation in the workforce.

I also know that we have a huge number of members here who are fathers who have jumped through enormous hoops to try to make things work in extremely difficult marriage situations because they love their children enormously and would be devastated by the idea of having to split parenting time in any way whatsoever. For many of the men of this site, their identities as fathers is incredibly important to them. I imagine reading a post like this from someone who is supposed to be here to provide support, is both insulting and devastating.

I would again remind you of the site Guidelines which prohibit statements that generalize gender.

Hi Molly65. I noticed in your profile that you are new to this site…at least with posting. (I personally "lurked" around here for quite some time before ever posting.)

At any rate, welcome. Even though none of us would actually choose the need for this site.

I’m sorry that you are in a place right now to feel that men are "lacking" so much in so many areas.
I agree that it has been somewhat of a tradition in the past. But I do believe that this is morphing toward a more balanced situation as women’s roles change.

I do agree that it seems sometimes like we (the wives) are expected to pick up most of the slack. I don’t know if that is because we are experiencing in our lives the change from more "old school" traditional roles, to more shared responsibilities, as well as some men even taking the more traditional role that women have held. Also, I believe that when we (the wives) are on the receiving end of the hurt that we don’t mention in this particular forum (Off Topic)…it is hard to not harbor resentments in so many areas.

But thank you for reminding us about International Women’s Day. We absolutely deserve it!

But I have to add that these days more and more men are jumping in to fill roles that are ever growing and changing.

It’s a great day to remember each other…if not individually, at least as an ever changing culture that is ever changing.

Again, welcome. 🙂

The generalizations made here are offensive to a Dad that has busted his ass for his family. My W is one of strongest women I know. We have a special needs Son that requires a lot of attention and care. While my W took care of his needs I kept the house running and the bills paid. We are a team with specific talents and strengths and when we come together we are unstoppable. One thing we have never done is point fingers or blamed each other for not pulling their weight.

My W is a true bad ass and I’m amazed at the things she has accomplished. I’m confident she would say the same about me.

I say this today on our 33rd wedding anniversary spent out of town with our minor Son that hasn’t been home in 10 months because of his great special needs.

Let’s celebrate the strengths of the amazing women / mothers without diminishing the role committed Dads. One is not the enemy of the other but simply a teammate for the greater goal.

Molly65, you have a pm.

Tanner…let me say that you are the very definition of a man who defies the stereotypes referred to here. I’m glad you chimed in here.

According to PEW Research, millennial dads spend 3 times as much time with their kids than fathers did generations ago. In 2016, Dads made up 17% of all stay-at-home parents.

Children and homes should be shared equally 50% by the two members of each couple. 17% is very little. It should be 50% and it is way lower than required.

I am sorry I have triggered a lot of defensiveness in many fathers. I have lived in different countries and have always seen very little involvement of the fathers in their children's lives. This is my experience and it is wrong.

I am sorry if my experience does not sound true or offends people. But I am offended of the injustice women face every day.

When a child woke up ill in the morning who stayed at home in your family informing their boss "Today I cannot make it to the meeting, my child's health is more important. It could be I need to take the whole week off"?

I bet 99% it was the mothers. I hope to be wrong. But I am pretty sure I am not.

[This message edited by Molly65 at 5:12 AM, Sunday, March 10th]

The generalizations made here are offensive to a Dad that has busted his ass for his family

Why do you need to feel offended if you know you belong to that small percentage of men who contribute so greatly to their family?

Instead of being offended by my questions and statements, you should, in my humble opinion, blame the great majority of men who let their wives and children down.

I make an example. I own a dog and ALWAYS pick up after my dog. When people comment dogs’ owners don’t pick after their pet I don’t get offended by their statement because I know and see that many cannot be bothered so I blame all the dogs’ owners who, with their choices, dishonour all those who do pick up after their dogs.

So please think about it and pick your fight as you continue to be a fair husband and father.

Do you understand where I am coming from? I really meant well and I am sorry if I came across as aggressive towards the wrong people.

Molly,

When I was a kid, my father didn’t spend as much time with me as my mother did. Why?

Because he was busting his ass working 2 jobs, often late nights and weekends, to support the family… just as his father and his father’s father did before him.

Statistically speaking, men also live shorter lives due to excessive stress, disease, dying in war, as victims of violence, and in accidents from hazardous professions.

The expectation that childcare and housework ought to be split 50/50 is a very first-world, Western, and classist phenomenon.

It’s also an unrealistic standard to uphold, and may explain why modern women report being more unhappy than their mothers and grandmothers, even though we are freer and have higher standards of living than they did.

Anyone who expects 50/50 is setting themselves up for disappointment. Sometimes one spouse will be doing 80% while the other is doing 20%…because that’s what’s necessary.

All that really matters is that both partners are 100% committed to each other and their family.

The best way to kill a marriage is to start keeping score.

Edit;add

How many men take unpaid leave or paternal leave when their children are born or are very young? VERY FEW.

My husband planned on taking paternity leave after the birth of our child. His coworkers made fun of him for it and then, 2 weeks before his leave was scheduled to begin, he was fired… despite stellar performance reviews and taking little time off in the past, even when he was diagnosed with cancer.

So even if your statement is true that “very few” men take leave to care for children, perhaps you ought to consider that maybe it’s because they aren’t given the opportunity to do so and are actually penalized when they try.

[This message edited by BluerThanBlue at 3:45 PM, Sunday, March 10th]

Instead of being offended by my questions and statements, you should, in my humble opinion, blame the great majority of men who let their wives and children down.

I’m not personally offended, I’m a great Dad. It’s offensive that you celebrate women by tearing down men. One is not the enemy of the other. I know plenty of shitty Dad’s but it is nowhere near the majority in my world.

So even if your statement is true that "very few" men take leave to care for children, perhaps you ought to consider that maybe it’s because they aren’t given the opportunity to do so and are actually penalized when they try.

I am very sorry this has happened. Unfortunately that is what women have been experiencing for decades. There should be laws and clear punishment for any company who ask a woman if she intends to have babies (in my country and in few others it is forbidden). But it is really a very serious thing that the business and employment world are dominated by men. And if a man who wants to take time off when his child is born gets fired, it becomes another form of the same injustice.

Women’s day is certainly to celebrate the successes of women but also to raise awareness of so many injustices women face as they get discriminated against or there is still the concept that a good husband "helps" his wife. NOPE! No husband should "help" because if you say that, you imply it is a favour husbands do to their wives.

As I said a home and the children are a TOTALLY SHARED RESPONSIBILITY and doing less than 50% about it should be really not even considered.

So raising awareness that a lot more needs to be done to achieve that 50% responsibility is a fact. And if people who are already doing that feel offended by my words, they should consider how women feel when less than 50% shared responsibility takes place.

[This message edited by Molly65 at 5:16 PM, Monday, March 11th]

Anyone who expects 50/50 is setting themselves up for disappointment. Sometimes one spouse will be doing 80% while the other is doing 20%…because that’s what’s necessary.

What is the 80% on one side and the 20% on the other determined by and how can that be "necessary"? It seems "necessary" to some who conveniently slip out of their duties...

Well, I was working 60 hours per week and my mum had three jobs (as my father did) to raise the family and pay the bills. The truth is once finished work, we were all exhausted but guess who did the cleaning, the ironing and most of the times the cooking and cleaning after the cooking AND looking after the children? My mum did when I was growing up (my father was a fantastic dad, very affectionate but he didn't do enough at home and my mum was working as much as he was, once he entered home, it was all on my mum's shoulders) and when I got married I did and no wonder my husband found me "unavailable" because I was without energy. Had he shared equally I would have found more energy to be more the wife he wanted me to be, but I had the role of the wife, the mother, the cleaner, the working mother (at work) and I couldn't fit anything else in. I was working my ass outside home and inside home to contribute to the bills and to care for the family. I was an excellent team player, never withdrew from my duties.

And by what I observed within the people I know and where I lived (in two different countries, all people with a university degree, just so you have a picture that I am not talking about traditional families with at home mums) I saw the exact same things.

Women went home from work and continued to care for their family.

Husbands went home and sat on the couch because "they were tired and needed to recharge their batteries" as if their wife had been all day filing her nails. At night time if the children were poorly it was 90% the mums who got up and then went to work as if they had slept all night, which they hadn't. Is that fair? No it isn't and Women's Day is a day also to educate people on home chores and parents' responsibilities.

I have also always done with my husband all the DIY tasks, electric systems, wood work, gardening including pruning of trees and chopping wood for burning, brick laying, plumbing, drilling and I have never refused any chore because I had this idea that OUR home is 50% my duty as it is my husband's. I could have said "I have worked all week, I need to recharge my batteries, I will prepare dinner and you do all those DIY jobs", but I never did, not a single time, whether tired or not.

If your wives lived the luxury of a different pattern I am in awe but I personally should hear it from them rather than from their husbands.

And I am in shock that raising awareness about these society issues is seen as aggressive. You should all find no justification for such unfair roles and take responsibility and act to fight such disparities.

[This message edited by Molly65 at 5:28 PM, Monday, March 11th]

And I am in shock that raising awareness if these society issues is seen as aggressive. You should all find no justification for such unfair roles.

Perhaps instead of doubling down and getting angry every time someone disagrees with you, you can try to exercise a little empathy and actually consider the perspectives of the people taking time to respond to your threads.

[This message edited by BluerThanBlue at 1:31 AM, Monday, March 11th]

Perhaps instead of doubling down and getting angry every time someone disagrees with you, you can try to exercise a little empathy and actually consider the perspectives of the people taking time to respond to your threads.

Sure. I will do when I see the empathy towards me and towards women in general, which so far I have not seen. But thank you for taking time to express your "constructive" criticism.

[This message edited by Molly65 at 5:31 PM, Monday, March 11th]

Don't agree with your generalizations.

It wasn't 50-50 in my home because my husband was out busting his a$$ to provide for his family.

Even though he was a cheater, he did do as much as possible to spend quality time with our three children. He also helped around the house as well willingly. That's what worked for us.

As a mom, I did make sacrifices but honestly, I did it for my children who are all grown now, and if I had to go back and do it all over again, I would.

I don't know of any dad within my family or circle of friends or my former co-workers who wasn't/isn't active in their children's lives AND supportive in many other ways.

BTW, I know a few sh*tty moms. One didn't show up to her son's (my new nephew) wedding this past weekend.

I'm a mom to three adult sons, I won't tear them down to build women up because they are awesome men.

Children and homes should be shared equally 50% by the two members of each couple.

I must have missed that chapter in the "rule" book.

Tanner…let me say that you are the very definition of a man who defies the stereotypes referred to here. I’m glad you chimed in here.

WR thank you, it wasn’t my intention to toot my own horn but to point out that there are some great Dads out here that celebrate women. We are all in this together as a team.