SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

How do you show up to your partner while you are in the process of repair? How do you show him/her that s/he matters, that you love her, that you want to fight to repair the relationship without love bombing? Any suggestion? Thanks

I am consistent. Each day on my list is to do something that makes his day better or brighter. It doesn’t have to be huge. I might make his favorite meal, or take one of his chores, bring him his favorite snack, or give him a back rub. I think bombing is excessive, and sometimes not genuine. But you do have to make non-transactional actions. Do it because you want him to be loved properly, not because you are sorry or trying to get something in return. I try and remember my love before must have been conditional so I work towards non-conditional.

I am an affectionate person and he is too (though maybe slightly less so). But I do try and connect with him physically every day. I am not really talking about sex, that is a whole different topic.

Earlier out I would plan trips and date nights that I know he will like but I think the consistent daily considerations has been great for both of us. I notice that butterflies come from the effort you put in more than what I receive.

Additional ones post infidelity- bring up the affair so he doesn’t feel like it’s always him (leads to feeling like he is a burden- the last thing you want is for them to shut down talking about it because they are never not thinking about it and that creates a loneliness rather than being in it together) it shouldn’t be "do you want to talk about it?" It should be things like "I was thinking today about how it must feel to know that I did (specific detail). That was so callous of me, what I have learned is this…" in other words bring it up not for him to have room to talk (though that’s the goal too) but because you are working through what you did and striving towards the person you want to be. Share your learning, or your appreciation for this additional chance. Bringing it up is probably one of the most important things you can do to show you care about the damage you have caused and that you are interested in changing and making amends.

Honesty and respect, anticipate things that may trigger him.

[This message edited by hikingout at 4:49 PM, Tuesday, April 23rd]

As hikingout mentioned, consistency is key. A genuine desire to be giving to your BS without expectation of recieving back is very important. It shows that you're thinking about them without their prompting. Being proactive can really help in healing.

in addition to what the others are saying.

1. stop lying or deceiving them about anything
2. share your feelings, affirm or appreciate them verbally
3. tell them when you fail your boundaries
4. communicate your emotional needs (but be careful most BS on this site see this as manipulation and trying to control the BS)