Topic is Sleeping.
Abcd89 (original poster member #82960) posted at 2:11 PM on Thursday, May 16th, 2024
I struggle to look my husband in the eyes. I often shut them or look elsewhere or at the ground. Is this fixable?
During the EA - he would regularly shut his eyes rather than make eye contact - presumably because he didn’t think I was worthy of looking at 
in comparison to the lady who blew smoke up his arse. Maybe because I repulsed him or maybe to make me feel bad. It was very noticeable at the time.
I really find it hard to maintain eye contact now. I can’t quite articulate why. I feel very uncomfortable.
Howcthappen ( member #80775) posted at 2:20 PM on Thursday, May 16th, 2024
He didn’t want to face what he was doing to him.
You don’t want to see the soul that lies behind his eyes.
The eyes tell it all and when you’re both able to look at each other that’s when stuff happens.
He’s got to be willing to feel disgusted in himself, disappointed, and face the pain he caused and all that happens when he looks into your eyes.
You’ll need to be willing to see that he is flawed and that he was distant and deceptive and lost.
Eyes
Three years since DdayNever gonna be the sameReconcilingThe sting is still present
Trdd ( member #65989) posted at 2:21 PM on Thursday, May 16th, 2024
I am strongly thinking he avoided eye contact during his A because of his guilt, not that you weren't worthy of it. My question is why do you think you can't look him in the eye now? I know you said you can't articulate why but try to share a few possible explanations with us.
My guess is you need to heal and he needs to be a safe partner before you can start looking into his eyes again. You find it a very intimate activity and you don't feel safe doing it with him yet. That process of healing can take a long time. I do think it is possible you can get there but are you doing the right work? Is he?
Abcd89 (original poster member #82960) posted at 3:34 PM on Thursday, May 16th, 2024
I’ve thought since I posted and sadly I think the word is disgust. Sometimes a tinge of sadness.
He looks into my eyes all the time now. He has noticed I can’t look at him too.
He has done a serious amount of work and I really hope he gets to be the person he says he wants to be. I knew he had flaws and I was okay with them. But I don’t enjoy looking at him anymore.
I always liked looking at him. I thought he was so special and if he walked across a room I always noticed. Those feelings have gone.
I did think briefly that maybe he was ashamed of his poor choices at the time, but nope when I really think hard I believe he was just being cruel to me. To make me feel bad about myself.
Topic is Sleeping.
