SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi all

We have been in recovery and working towards reconciliation after my husbands breakdown and subsequent alcohol/porn/prostitute use. We had 24 amazing years together and then this happened and now a year of hell. He immediately was shocked back into reality and started therapy and self work as well as being 100% supportive of me.

As we approach this big day- I feel so sad. I was very proud of my family. Of the life we created. My other family members are all divorced and we are the ones who "made it" . I was doing so much better but Im right back to just being so so sad. 25 years- I was so excited.

Then Dday is early Sept so I have the whole summer to replay and feel sad. UGH . and I sorta get the feeling he feels like "we got this" and all this is past but I see trickles of him being inpatient with me, slacking a bit in his morning meditations and therapy....Im not trying to control him but Im watching.

I guess Id just like to hear from others who have been here...

[This message edited by SatyaMom at 11:31 AM, Saturday, June 15th]

Satyamom,

I just ignore our anniversaries including our 25th. It was 4 yrs after Dday.
I cannot celebrate something that obviously meant nothing to him.
That day makes me so sad & angry.
Valentine's day is out too since we married on that day.
He sent cards to his AP for that day over a 3 yr period.

Sorry this has happen to you.
Some get past it & some don't.

I only had one anniversary post Dday. Then I pulled the plug. I fid inform her that all of my birthdays and anniversaries henceforth would be k own as "do whatever the fuck I want" days, funded by her of course...

I feel your pain, SM. For me, our 25th anniversary was 3 days before dday1. His behavior was so different from our other milestone anniversaries that I sat him down and begged for the truth 3 days later, and boy did I get it. Last November, I was in no mood to celebrate. Luckily he was sick and it was a non-issue. I still haven't put my wedding ring back on. Not sure I ever will.

I too used to be proud of our marriage. Now it is a source of grief. I know I'm legally married, but in spirit, he is no longer my husband. How could he be after 3 years in love with someone else? I know he wants that back, and initially I did too, but I am too broken hearted to do more than go through the motions.

Be true to your feelings and be honest with him if you don't feel like celebrating a day that brings you pain. It's okay to feel that way. And it's okay to mourn and be extra sad around dday anti-versaries. That is also understandable and very common.