SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Help I don't know where to turn. Was hoping to reconcile but found out this evening that my WS was sending dick pics to her whilst i was in bed asleep with our sick daughter the other evening. Ive sent him away and have done some more digging and have found some concerning porn habits. Feel like I never really knew him. Feel devestated for our 3 children. They were so upset tonight. They dont know the full story but have told them that my WS is not sure they want to be with me any more. Im so lost. And he is still deflecting and makihg out he is the victim.

Welcome to SI and I'm so sorry. Infidelity is the worst. There are some posts pinned to the top of the JFO (Just Found Out) forum that we encourage new members to read. Also, there are some posts with bull's eye icons in JFO that are good. The Healing Library is at the top of the page and is an excellent resource. The list of acronyms we use is there, too.

Have you seen your doctor to get checked for STDs/STIs? If you're having issues with anxiety or depression, ask for some meds to help you through this time.

IC (Individual Counseling) can be helpful. My second therapist was a betrayal trauma specialist and the exercises we did were so helpful. Your children may benefit from counseling, too.

Focus on you and your children. Practice lots of self-care. Expect your emotions to be up & down - we call it the emotional roller coaster.

Your WH (wayward husband) making himself the victim is very typical. They can't be the bad guy in their own narrative, so they blame the BS (betrayed spouse).

You may wish to change your profile so your name isn't displaying.

I’m so sorry you find yourself here. Your POSWH sounds like a real piece of work. You cannot reconcile with someone like this. See Attorney. See several. Find out what divorce looks like for you. Get your financial ducks in a row. Make copies of everything and put in a safe place.

You will get through this. (I will truly never understand the dick pic thing. I have yet to meet a woman who is turned on by dick pics. Women either laugh or dry heave.)

just echoing what the others said- he’s not R material.

This is heartbreaking stuff, but the only way out is to go through it. And yes, your kids will be affected. But they are being affected now. D will be a healthier environment for them.

Sending strength and virtual hugs ((()))

Thank you for replying. I'm going to contact a solicitor today or see if I get free legal advice through my work union.

He really is a piece of work. He makes me sick to my stomach. I told his mum what he has done. He still getting angry with me. How dare he.

It's very common because they can't be the bad guy in their own story. DARVO deny, attack, reverse victim and offender. So sorry he's been such a jerk.

I am also very sorry you're here. I am a step ahead of you in the process. Was hoping to reconcile until I found my WH texting and continuing to call his AP. After 3 months, I made the decision to divorce (papers were filed today). I've found this forum incredibly helpful, and I'm still in shock and pain (likely, like you), but we will get through this, one step at a time. Hang in there!!