SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I’m just going to offer this:

It is entirely possible and likely that this OM is not the previous AP, but a new person - and a catfisher.

I get these kind of messages online all the time. They engage in all sorts of ways, but one way is to get sympathy. This "why can’t I get a girlfriend" is pretty common, I have seen it several times.

Sounds like she’s being catfished, and this person will ask for money soon.

5 decades,

I don’t really know or care if he’s real or not. I care that she is opening up a door, and for some reason feels it’s appropriate for a married woman to give advice on dating to a single man, especially because the last time she went down this rabbit hole, I’m now posting on infidelity boards. All boundaries that should have been show stoppers before the A(both married, both talked about how great their spouses were at first, how they don’t understand why people would cheat, oh and her AP also "became my friend" as well) didn’t stop her. He even tried kiss her once and she told him back off, saying she loved me. One month later, affair was in full swing.

It’s a tad sensitive for me.

And, truly, her behavior with me asking to enforce this very simple boundary has pretty much sealed my decision. She has been nothing short of awful. She did block him finally, but made sure to tell me how awful I am for it. To me, too little too late, and the extreme production of drama really makes it a hallow gesture.

It’s a crazy thing, she’s been spewing all of the lines at me that she threw during the second part of the A when I said I needed her to have NC with AP. I still hate myself for being such a doormat and basically being the king of the pick me dance. Never again.

I don’t deserve to be degraded. I made a promise to myself that I would never tolerate my wife or any future partner putting another man above me again, and I’ll never let anyone talk to me that way again either.

Wow she really has some nerve. She sounds an awful lot like my xWS. When I laid down the boundary of no women friends he absolutely lost his s**t.

I think you should stick around here for the support. You are going to need it. Also start implementing the 180 and begin detaching from her. Just discuss kids and finances only. If you need a break book a night or a few nights at a hotel and enjoy some peace of mind. This will also give her an idea of how hard it's going to be to be a single mom.

When you feel up to it go meet with a few lawyers for an initial consult just to see what it all will entail.

I block rando men on social media as soon as it gets into weird territory and this certainly sounds weird. She shouldn't have any problems blocking a random person. Why would she even entertain a weirdo? Does she need the higher friend count for clout? It's all very bizarre and concerning behavior, especially the fact that she is raging at you for asking a simple request that she shouldn't even balk at. Seems she has an issue with control like my ex. My ex didn't want me setting any boundaries for him, but yet he had a million for me.

I'm rooting for you. Come post down in S/D forum too when you are ready. We will be there to support you every step of the way.

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 5:24 PM, Thursday, July 11th]

If you still have the energy for it, which it sounds like you may not, you might ask her

"Where did all your negative energy and hostility come from when I shared my concern about a boundary for protecting the marriage that I believed we had already agreed on?"

And I might ask her that in writing instead of verbally.

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In brief reply to Hikingout's last post above: I appreciated your thoughtfulness about the balance between accountability, shame and transmuting vices. Overt everpresent shame cannot be a good thing and you described that very well. If I may add two quotes and a thought.

There but for the grace of God go I. Pride goeth before the fall.

There is a also a balance between self love and humility that seems to be at least one cornerstone of spiritual progress from multiple ancient traditions. A lot of it seems to be lost in modern America, where we are bombarded by calls toward pride, self aggrandizement and a right to entertainment and comfort. Obtaining humility requires confronting our weaknesses and flaws. And keeping them present in our mind's eye to some sobering but not overwhelming degree. But without ongoing, overwhelming shame is what you've reminded me of.

I think it’s important to know she is being catfished so that you can get your finances properly protected from her stupidity and stubbornness.

It looks like she’s ignoring any kind of boundary, and doesn’t care about you or anyone else.

She’s opened the door to a stranger on the internet, and this looks like a catfish…..and if your money is her money, you’re about to lose some cash.

I don’t blame you for being pissed, I would be too. I would also be looking to protect assets, because she’s definitely not doing that.

[This message edited by 5Decades at 9:34 PM, Thursday, July 11th]

I am just to here to wish you well on your journey and to tell you that I’m sending you strength and I am so truly sorry for what you’re going through , no one deserves that treatment and you have every right to choose whatever is healthy for YOU. I truly have enjoyed reading your posts and responses to my posts (as much as anyone can enjoy this shitshow of infidelity) you are very intuitive and offer great advice so thank you for this.

I really hope you find peace and I hope we hear good news from you soon!

5Decades, catfishes don't usually have no picture and only follow local businesses + 1 person. Typically, they'll a handsome stock photo picture (or a picture they've ripped off from someone else's profile), lots of friends (many of them women that they're gaming simultaneously), and some posts to at least make their profile look authentic.

Whoever this guy is-- whether it's AP or someone else-- is most likely someone real and accessible to HellIsNotHalfFull's wife.

Nonetheless, you advice to him to protect himself and his assets is still valid.

It’s a crazy thing, she’s been spewing all of the lines at me that she threw during the second part of the A when I said I needed her to have NC with AP.

Not at all crazy. Because "random stranger" is AP.