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And the hits just keep on coming. XWH had lost his job of over 20 years late last year. In January, he was hired at another dealership. He recently began telling me that he was experiencing "financial difficulties" and was not going to be able to pay me what he has been. (I discussed this in a post from June.) Well....this morning he was let go from his new job. EIGHT months later! Apparently, there has been ongoing company-wide layoffs taking place, and he just happened to be one of them. (And just for the record, he only told me this because I texted him this morning about a medical bill that I received for our daughter.) Not going to lie....I am stressed about this. Of course, I spoke to my bosses right away. We all still have the same outlook we did months ago. If he is unable to continue to pay me what he has been, then he will also need to change things within his own life style and the OW's. Maybe they need to downgrade that huge house of theirs or maybe one of their brand new X5s. They don't NEED a huge house for 2 people and no one needs to drive the car they are both driving. OR maybe sell that fancy engagement ring he bought her last year. This may come as shock to him because I know in his mind, he believes he will just decrease what he pays me and sustain his lifestyle.

Late last week, I received a text message from one of my cousins. She came across a new Facebook page he created. (He hasn't been on any social media since I discovered the A in 2017. He said he didn't want people in his business and knowing what was happening. Anyway, seems like he all the sudden, developed a new sense of confidence to put his life out there. He has no profile picture, no job description (which he had a job at the time), nothing. The only thing he has on his page is his status as "engaged". (Which I am sure the OW asked him to include in his profile.) My cousin checked and he didn't really have many mutual friends on his page. Just 2-3. So I was hoping our daughter didn't come across it, but she did. She was hurt that he is flaunting this engagement of his, like it is something to be proud of. Of course, he never sent her a friend request, because he knows she wants nothing to do with his personal life. This morning, she went onto his page a saw a something on his timeline where he was being congratulated for his engagement and "hoping life is treating him well". She was so upset. We do know the person that posted it, he is one of our son's former soccer teammates' dads. But he does not know what took place, only that we are now divorced. I asked my daughter to stop going on to her dad's page. It will only set her up for more disappointment and hurt. I did think of reaching out to him about this, but he will take it as me "trying to control him" or that I am the "crazy ex-wife that is still obsessed him with." I just hate that he still does not think about how much all of this is affecting our kids and now thinks it is ok to put it out there like it is not a big deal. I just find the timing of this very odd. It gets engaged last year and get fired a few months later. He creates a new Facebook page after not having any social media for 7 years and gets let go a week later. Can't help to think this is his KARMA. This is the universe's way of getting him off his high horse. But in the end.....the kids and I will also take the hit. Just wish that his KARMA didn't affect the kids directly.

Can't she block him on FB? Sorry he's such a douchecanoe. You'd think he'd start thinking about adjusting his lifestyle to ensure he can meet his commitments.

How sad dad is unable to protect his daughter from information by simply posting with privacy! When they di so if us because they want as many people as possible to know. Included his daughter.

How sad dad is unable to protect his daughter from information by simply posting with privacy! When they di so if us because they want as many people as possible to know. Included his daughter.

He’s not the guy you knew or married.

I would not tolerate him paying you less than what is owed due to his new expensive lifestyle. His child is his first priority and you need to ensure she remains as his top priority.

leafields, she did end up blocking him after I spoke to her. I know she is hurt and of course, it trying desperately to understand why her father's "new life is worth so much more to him than having a relationship with her." She is 16 and it is normal at her age to have all these emotions and feel like she needs to understand his behavior and everything he continues to do. But she will never be able to understand it. It has nothing to do with her and everything to do with him. She is going to speak to her therapist more about this.

Fantastic, I just think he doesn't care. It doesn't even cross his mind that our children can come across things and how they would feel. People like him have zero empathy for others, even their own children. His behavior over the last several years has proven just that.

The1stWife, you are 100% correct. I really need to put my foot down on this. It is going to be hard. I did it in the past and the treatment I received from him because of it is something I am still dealing with. He is mentally and emotionally abusive and when it comes to money, he becomes even worse. But what is fair is fair and I need protect my children. They did not ask for any of this and neither did I. We are all in this situation because of him and his poor, selfish decisions. We are also not responsible for his post-divorce decisions to buy the house he did and maintain the lifestyle he chooses. I really feel like this is just everything catching up to him now. He put us through hell for years and it always seemed like he was "fine" doing it. Never bothered by it. Always felt like his behavior was justified because he "supports" us in the way he does financially. Now, I am curious to see if this will all humble him a bit more, but I doubt it. If losing our niece to cancer and him choosing not to be there for her didn't humble him, I don't think anything can. He lost his relationship with his only brother as a result and doesn't even seem to care.

Sadly it seems he has a history of one bad decision followed by another and another.

But you are right - he has obligations to you and your kids and you just have to stop engaging I his drama.

When he starts with the nonsense you have to detach and disengage. Walk away or hang up the phone or stop texting.

Take back control from him. Change your interaction and don’t let him continue with his behavior.

Hope this helps you.

The1stWife, thank you for taking the time to respond and for the advice. I agree 100%. I think I have tried so hard in the past to understand his behavior and get frustrated on how someone else can behave the way he does. Especially the father of my children. But the reality is, I will never understand his choices or behavior. How could I?

I am going to continue to focus on what matters here. My children. He has taken enough from them and I will not allow him or his chosen lifestyle with the OW to take even more. My kids deserve more and so do I.

I wouldn’t tell him directly that he needs to continue proving for your children. He’ll love the fight. Just reach out to your attorney who handled the divorce and ask him how to handle this, especially child support and any alimony, and how to keep logs of medical he’s supposed to reimburse you for. My atty had me keep a log of me asking for the $$, him refusing, and when we got to a certain amount he sent him a scarey letter about contempt of court and jail time. 🤣🤣🤣

Your xh sounds like mine, so be prepared for him to want your daughter to drop out of high school and all activities and not go to college so he can have the magical financial life he thinks he deserves. 🤢

I read one time that if you are alive after dealing with a narcissist, it’s only bc they wanted you alive. Scarey stuff. So I went totally grey rock on him (disappeared and still act boring when I see him and slut). I let my atty handle any problems.

The absolute hardest thing was seeing my children hurt bc of the "narcissist dump". Just thank God he’s not hounding you and trying to get your daughter to move in with him.

Fwiw my XH and OW slut fight all the time I e heard from old neighbors I run into at the store, 🤣🤣🤣

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 6:28 PM, Monday, August 12th]