SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Has anyone seen the film ‘He’s Just Not That In To You?’ Or read the book. It’s been years since I’ve watched it but I remember the basis.

I’ve looked on his Instagram and all his for you page is pretty blonde girls with white skin and big boobs, just like his affair partner. I’m annoyed and I’m hurt, I’m dark skinned flat chested brunette and I’m just so so sick of never feeling enough. It’s triggering massive feelings from when I was at school looking so different to the other girls and being told by boys that they were attractive and I wasn’t. Why did he marry me if I’m not even his type? On holiday I had so many compliments when I was dressed up for an evening and didn’t even get one from him. It’s making me think he’s just not that in to me which is fine, but why ask for me back? I just don’t understand to be honest and I’m so hurt and I’m so so so drained from feeling this way. It’s exhausting

His affair partner preferences don't necessarily mean he's not also attracted to you. The range of women my ex cheated with was astounding - from grandmas to barely legal 18 year olds and everything in between.

Sometimes people marry the person they believe will make a good wife and mother. Someone who they know is loyal and trustworthy, or a high earner or someone who is an asset to their career or financial goals. And, even cheaters might marry for love - even though they end up unfaithful. My cheater thought marrying me would somehow cure him of his lifelong infidelity problem. They can be magical thinkers.

My ex begged and pleaded to reconcile for a very long time, even after I divorced him, but whenever I gave it a try, he continued the same bad behavior. In my case, I believe he wanted to keep me as an option, just in case. Some cheaters like to have a stable of options at the ready, if for nothing else reassurance and an ego boost.

My advice is don't listen to the words, rather watch his actions. His actions will tell you all you need to know.

[This message edited by skeetermooch at 4:20 AM, Thursday, August 15th]

Every other partner my FWH had was that type, blonde, big boobs. I’m so Italian/latina looking that people will often start speaking to me Spanish or Italian before English if we’re traveling in those areas. It doesn’t matter the type in an A. The only thing special about the AF is that they’re willing.

Now FWH calls me his "Sofia Loren". I’ll take it.

I know exactly how this feels. Mines AP was half Asian, I know he’s always had a bit of a thing for Asian women (not uncommon). But she wasn’t even attractive, rather oddly tall, gangley with a shaved head and big feet. TBH, I’m much more attractive even at 30+ years her age.
Anyway though, it’s tough. He says "let’s watch China play the Americans in volleyball" and I’m like "yeah sure, let’s watch the tall Asian women run around in shorts". He was kinda blindsided by the trigger, but it was an opportunity for me to really tell him how I feel about his choice of AP and for us to talk about that trigger and what he can/should do to repair it.
On the subject of Instagram, same thing. I saw a reel of woman in shorts butt wiggling down the street, Asian women doing strange things like carrying logs on their back, etc. Once you click on something, you know, the algorithm keeps serving you more of the same- and they just keep going as long as you keep interacting with it. SO I say DELETE THAT SHIT FOR HIM. I started hiding those "suggestions" and also unfriending people I thought too proactive or that I didn’t know. I even go into the messages and delete the sex pfishing messages. And now he doesn’t get them any more. We did talk about it, after I had been doing it for a month or two. He didn’t have a problem with it and actually, he has really not been on Insta much at all since D-Day because he finds it triggering for himself.

I know exactly how this feels. Mines AP was half Asian, I know he’s always had a bit of a thing for Asian women (not uncommon). But she wasn’t even attractive, rather oddly tall, gangley with a shaved head and big feet. TBH, I’m much more attractive even at 30+ years her age.
Anyway though, it’s tough. He says "let’s watch China play the Americans in volleyball" and I’m like "yeah sure, let’s watch the tall Asian women run around in shorts". He was kinda blindsided by the trigger, but it was an opportunity for me to really tell him how I feel about his choice of AP and for us to talk about that trigger and what he can/should do to repair it.
On the subject of Instagram, same thing. I saw a reel of woman in shorts butt wiggling down the street, Asian women doing strange things like carrying logs on their back, etc. Once you click on something, you know, the algorithm keeps serving you more of the same- and they just keep going as long as you keep interacting with it. SO I say DELETE THAT SHIT FOR HIM. I started hiding those "suggestions" and also unfriending people I thought too proactive or that I didn’t know. I even go into the messages and delete the sex pfishing messages. And now he doesn’t get them any more. We did talk about it, after I had been doing it for a month or two. He didn’t have a problem with it and actually, he has really not been on Insta much at all since D-Day because he finds it triggering for himself.

Hello, UnfinishedSympathy

You can't read to much into his visual choices, even if they match the AP.

Alot of men have sexual "fetishes" for lack of a better term.

A woman he would like to screw can be totally different from one he relates to.

Of course some men would stick their penis in a gas tank.

I like tall women...5'10-6 feet. I married a 5 foot 1 inch woman who will fight you to the death that she is 5'2.

Physical attraction is just that...Physical. beyond that his AP was also convenient.

If he would have found a "dark skinned flat chested brunette" at that moment who was willing to be his AP he would have done it.

It could have been anybody.