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When I found out, I slept on the couch. For a long time. Why dont they think they should be the one sleeping on the couch? It still makes me angry 10 years later. WS slept like a baby. WTH?

I don't know, but I started sleeping on the dining room floor using the couch cushions on D-Day 1 and I did that for 5 years until we moved. SAWH slept like a baby in the king-size platform bed I'd built for us. It never bothered him to see me on the floor. But I just could not stay in that bedroom even if he'd moved out of it!

Many betrayed spouses in this group have experienced this sort of mistreatment. It’s like there is a playbook for waywards. I am not
Sure how they mesmerize bses to lower even their standards for where they should sleep. This really should have told me everything I needed to know…me sleeping on the couch in a sexless marriage while he was doing who knows what with who (or is it whom?). While him telling anyone who would listen that I was a frigid wife….i

I am mad right along with you. There is such a thing as righteous indignation.

Wishing you peace and healing.

"It never bothered him to see me on the floor"

The lack of care, concern, and empathy displayed by active waywards is shocking. I would not have believed the half of what I have read on these boards had I not lived it.

It’s like all of human decency is sucked out of them.

Prior to the A when we would "fight" I would always be the one to sleep on the couch, in the other room, on a shitty air mattress on the floor (when pregnant!!!) … he had noooooo problem sleeping peacefully in the bed.

Dday … HELLLL Nah!!! Not only was he not sleeping in MY bed (that my mom bought us), the couch was still too good for him. Out he went to his car were he slept for a month until I allowed him back into the house. He graduated from his car, to the floor in the basement (no he wasn’t allowed to sleep in my beautiful guest room), then I gave him an air mattress, then he moved upstairs to the couch, then finally I allowed him back into the bedroom.

I will admit there are sometimes I don’t want to lay next to him so I go sleep with my kids and snuggle up with them and I find I have more of a peaceful sleep when I can see them and hear them breathing 🥰

Why did you sleep on the couch? Why didn't you kick him out and make him sleep on the couch? I may not have slept peacefully in our comfy king-sized bed due to insomnia from the affair, but neither did he. Bonus points, he had a bad back and was miserable on the couch.
I would guess entitlement as the reason your former(??) cheater felt he was due a good night's sleep.

I am with you all that the cheater HAS NO PROBLEM SLEEPING!!!!

After dday1 I was lucky to sleep 45 minutes a night.

While he slept soundly!!!!

However after I told him I was D him and he had to leave, he was the one unable to sleep some nights. Not many, but I know he was up a few hours some nights worrying about the trauma he caused. And whether I would R w/ him.

I kicked my WW to the guest room...

I am glad it’s not only my WH that can sleep no matter what. Nothing ever seems to bother him where as I, like most BS have had terrible during recovery plus any other life drama. Before his A I quite often slept on the couch because of his snoring but after the A no fucking way.

I remember the first night on D-Day I built a pillow wall to stop him getting to close and when he snored (yes still slept so well he snored) I punched and kicked the pillows while yelling at him to shut up snoring.

Now I have no problems waking him up when I can’t sleep due to the affair. Those first few months my crying woke him continuously. I guess I’m lucky in a sense he would always try to appease me even though I’d tell him to F off most of the time.

It's hard for me to admit this (thank goodness for this being anonymous), but I was scared of her. I was conditioned for 20 years to be scared of upsetting her because there was no good resolution to that. So even after this horrid betrayal I was still scared of making her upset. I remember thinking that after THIS, something THIS AWFUL, that she couldn't possibly still pull the same bullshit. Oh, was I wrong.

My is NPD slept in the couch to avoid building a relationship with me. It was used as a control tactic.

I confronted my wife in the afternoon. Around 840p she walked into the kitchen, arms crossed, eyes shooting daggers, and asked "where do you want me to sleep tonight?"

I said "sleep wherever you want." She asked "are you sleeping in our bed" and I replied "yes I am sleeping in our bed."

She went back upstairs. I went downstairs, changed the combo on the safe, and went upstairs. "DID YOU JUST CHANGE THE COMBO ON THE SAFE?!"

"Yes I did"

"YOU THINK I'M GOING TO STEAL FROM YOU?! YOU DON'T THINK YOU CAN TRUST ME?!"

I said "right now I don't know what to think and you are in no position to talk about trust"

She flipped over turning her back to me. I laid down but I knew there was no way I was going to sleep. After maybe an hour I got back up and went out to the garage.

I was up from about 5am Thursday morning until i passed out at midnight on Friday, so about 43 hours :/

AFAIK she went to sleep just fine.