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The realtor is coming here this morning. Starting another chapter on the other side’ of the decree.

I kind of feel good. I cleaned last night and I’m going to get ready. XWH will be here too (we own house together).

I’m going to try to stay focused on the meeting and not speak to XWH unless absolutely necessary. If I open my mouth I tend to spew nastiness because of my newfound bitterness. So, send me your good vibes so I can stay strong and stay on point today and get him out of here ASAP. (Please).

This is a huge day. It’s 20 years tomorrow that we took the keys to this place and moved in. Trying to hold it together.

Thanks all!

((Hugs))

SP

Sending you the requested good vibes, and all the encouragement you need to get through this face to face interaction. Sounds like you have a good plan to limit any verbal conversation and focus on the end goal here. It is bittersweet to let this house go so close to the anniversary of moving in there, but better days are ahead and new, happier, healthier memories are just waiting to be made. Let us know how it goes.

You've got this, Stormy!!

Thanks for the good vibes. Today was meh. XWH was late. Realtor was great though.

After realtor left, we had a list of small projects to tackle, maybe 3 hours worth, tops. XWH worked for two minutes then refused to help anymore and said ‘make the kids do it!’.

He left.

We got 25 pages of legal stuff to review/sign etc so asked him where we could meet tomorrow that is neutral so we can review.

He responded via text two hours later saying can we do it over the phone because his girlfriend is there. I replied no. He called and yelled at me. I ended up raising my voice and asking what his girlfriend being there tonight had to do with this priority for tomorrow and that we could just review at attorney office instead. He asked if I was threatening him.

I got pissed and mouthed off, don’t really know what came flying out of my mouth. I know I rambled about being abandoned and still not having help to ready house for sale and do his girlfriends know he’s been calling me for s** up until May of this year? He called me a liar and hung up.

Ugh. Now what? We have these realty disclosure papers we need to both complete and they need to match. I give up.

Thanks for reading my rant. I just don’t know what to do.

((Hugs))

SP

Well, pretend he is dead and take care of selling the house by yourself. He WILL try to sabotage this so you need to take care of this yourself.

Use your attorney or realtor for dealing with him. You step away from the drama. Be wise and cunning when dealing with him. You can out think him and out maneuver him without interacting.

His goal is to yank your chain and keep you off balance.

Check to make sure there are not any secret liens on the house that will derail the sale--- that happened to me as I was dealing with the Wasband from hell that tried to sabotage the sale of the home every step of the way.

Thanks for chiming in.

So, the house is only in his name. But it takes two to sell and our divorce decree gives me half of the proceeds.

We each got our own copy of the seller disclosure stuff but the plan was to review and sign today because lock box comes tomorrow.

Also, inspection being done Wednesday and that has to be paid today online.

I’ve got atty meeting on Friday regarding the retirement funds —they need my notarized signature.

I can’t get in to see atty until then. That will also delay this whole deal if I wait until Friday to handle the real estate stuff.

There are no law secret liens, thank goodness.

Do you think I can just fill out the forms and pay the inspector myself? I could try to get half back (415 is total bill) upon settlement?

The judge told us to have this house listed by April 1. WXH stalled soo long and I want to move and get on with my life. I feel so tortured here.

I just wanna do everything to push this along and not stall the process anymore. Not trying to make excuses. I’m thinking I can just go ahead and sign these papers myself, he can do his. If they don’t match will the realtor will call and say some thing?

I was so trying for a positive , new start. But it’s just one step forward and five steps back.

I can’t understand how he has gotten so ugly to me. He used to be at least decent when speaking to me. Now it’s just yucky. And, if he doesn’t like the conversation, he hangs up on me or walks away abruptly. It’s beyond childish.

((Hugs))

SP

And, Chrysalis, I’m so sorry you had to deal with that nightmare. Too bad we have all had to live with such pain.

I don’t know how I could’ve managed all of this without the SI group.

((Hugs))

SP

You guys!!!! After the 20 minute berating I got this morning via phone, with his gf standing next to him, I mustered up the courage to block him on social media. Big step for me!!! He asked me to not spread rumors and be mean about his gf because they are so happy together. I have never done that and told him (them) so. I then asked him to stop texting me and calling me for s** to which he replied, meanly, that he never has and I'm a big liar. My heart hurts so much that he lied. I have no reason to make any of that up. I also told him I wish he would've not been a coward and walked away the first time he cheated on me with current GF (from 90s) and why did he marry me and string me along? He only said he wish he would've left because he is in such a good place now, not drinking (bull), healthy, happiest he has ever been. Then he says why do you think I walked out on you?

Baby steps....I can do this. There is so much support here in these forums. Trying to hold my head up and be strong enough to keep going.

((hugs))

SP

I agree with Chrysalis, you need to remove yourself from this drama. Complete your paperwork/forms and pay the Inspector. His half of the $419 is not worth the mental anguish he is putting you through. I'm so sorry this has turned into a knock down drag out but you are being provoked into responding if you continue to have contact with him. I would limit all contact and only be in his presence with attorney present. Great step forward in cutting off social media contact, now take another baby step forward and limit ANY contact. You can do this!

Oh thank you. I feel like I just need my hand held today.

How does that no contact work when you have a minor child? He is supposed to have her the first weekend of every month. I just don't think he cares to see her though. How do we keep in contact about kid stuff? I tried to use a family app and he wouldn't look at it.

I appreciate any and all advice and please know that I usually follow all of your direction(s).

How old is minor kid? That makes a difference on the NC advice.

just turned 16 in january

she is supposed to go there first weekend of every month. She has been there one night overnight since December b/c of his drinking or him being busy or simply not wanting to go (b/c of drinking)

Stormy:

Sorry the cheating liar is making this so difficult. You have rece8ved great advice. He is going to try and drag you down and hurt you with each interaction. It is so very common among these jerks. Do not accommodate. Use the parenting app. Notify him through your attorney. If he doesn’t look at it after you have notified him it is official for you, tough. You could also do only email. No calls, texts, or in person meetings. Drop off and pick up with intermediaries or in public. Your minor is old enough she doesn’t need to be escorted to the car. This will only be short term while your Child is still a minor.

Good for you for blocking him on Social media.

Your daughter is old enough to navigate this by herself. I know this sucks but she has a cell phone and she and her dad arrange meetings. You are out of the loop.

Do you have a separate agreement or parenting plan yet? My kids were arranging their own things with their dad around age 15. By that time I was out of it, except for what was written in the Separation agreement which he tried to mess with. For instance he would intentionally not return the kids on Mother's Day just to annoy me.

He asked me to not spread rumors and be mean about his gf because they are so happy together. I have never done that and told him (them) so. I then asked him to stop texting me and calling me for s** to which he replied, meanly, that he never has and I'm a big liar.

Here is a very soft velvet 2x4: All of this talking is too much. has it worked for you yet?

No it has not.

Here is a tip- change the game. Go dark on him. No conversations. Everything by email and the emails are short and to the point with out conversation. This is to protect your heart and establish new boundaries for you. Anything that can be handled by someone else- they handle it.

Here is an example from my life. Wasband was not paying child support on time. I was panicked. Instead of talking to him I researched what had to happen in my state before he could be held in contempt. Then my lawyer taught me I didn't need an attorney for this issue because the Child Support Enforcement office in my county would handle the issue for a minimal amount (I think $25). So, I just waited. I gave him the rope to hang himself.

Once he met the criteria, I went to the CSE office and paid the nominal fee. Before I knew it he had a garnishment and was dealing with the state and could no longer fuck with me.

I cannot tell you how empowering that was for me. Me, the formerly most codependent, boundary-less woman ever. I did it! Istood up for myself without talking to him AT ALL!

[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 5:41 PM, June 28th (Sunday)]

oops- duplicate post

[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 4:53 PM, June 28th (Sunday)]

I'll just echo what others have said. Kid is old enough to navigate directly with her father herself, including whether or not she wants to visit. Pull yourself out of the mix and the drama (for you) will lessen tremendously. Don't try to manage their relationship in any way. It is between them. You just need to be supportive to your DD with whatever she decides to do as an almost young adult.

My youngest DD was 16 at time of D. She had her own cell phone and had a driver's license. I told her that whatever she decided to do with her father in terms of relationship I would support. I wiped the tears. I gave the loving hugs. I answered the questions honestly. But I did NOT get directly involved. I didn't need to. DD managed just fine and, ultimately, decided to write her father off. She told me she now considers him dead to her. Sad because she was daddy's little girl growing up. But she lost all respect for him, and he has no one to blame but himself. Not my monkey nor my circus.

The more direct contact you cut off, the better off you will be. As Chrysalis said, go dark. Utilize others for contact, if necessary. Any absolutely necessary contact is gray rock - no emotion, no chit chat about stuff, nothing. Simple yes/no responses or only the bare minimum otherwise.

He feeds off tormenting you. Cut off his food supply. Starve the fucker. Your own healing depends on it.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 5:27 PM, June 28th (Sunday)]

I finally realized the happier I was, the more he tried to drag me into arguments. So I became the happiest person you’ve ever seen, and I started laughing everytime he was angry or acted like a child.

Yes, pay the $419, you can recoup it later-possibly at closing.

(My xh owed me money, my atty said to send him a cert letter stating how much and for what. When xh didn’t respond in 30 days, my atty called his atty, threatened Contempt of court, and I got my $$$. ) Get everything fixed and send him a bill.

If he calls you, repeatedly, call your atty to scare xh with harassment charges.

He is still drinking, believe it. He’s “happy” bc he’s on a high, but decent, honorable, truthful people do not cause this pain to those they love. The 2 of them will start drinking more and fighting, but by then you’ll be so much happier, and your home will be peaceful. (XH OW complains to everyone how she hates being married to him, and that he’s always drunk😂😂.

Keep posting here, bc so many of us have been where you are. And now our lives are so much calmer. (And our xh’s “awesome” new lives have Imploded around their drunk, lying,ways.