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I have come out of a long term relationship with my kids mother. Basically my question is are single dads viewed as attractive and can they attract women. My personal circumstances are i have both my daughters full time as their mother left us all when she left the relationship. My youngest daughter has behaviour and attachment issues and the only people who can look after them overnight is my parents who live a hour away. What are my chances of finding someone.

I preferred dating dads post-divorce and my partner now is a father. I always assumed that another parent would better understand that I have responsibilities to my children.

Is your daughter ok with a babysitter long enough for you to go on a date?

Your chances of finding someone are really good. I dated for about a year and I can only think of one guy I went out with who didn't have kids.

Also, a good and caring father like you has a great chance with women who are loving, caring people. You'll automatically weed out the moochers and the ones who just want to party.

Never underestimate the supreme sexiness of an attentive, compassionate single father.

Add the fact that he's doing it all with two daughters, prioritizing them above all else?! Come on.

I want to let you know that I had the *exact* same questions and fears when I started dating post-divorce. My single friends clued me in on the things I really had going for me (that even they didn't).

Seriously, discounting for a minute the vast expanse of human characteristics that can lead to attraction and that don't fit into a neat little box, there are several traits that rise to the top in terms of attracting someone and getting them to agree to a first date with you. I won't go through all of them, but two that are definitely in the top-10 are:

1) Don't be a creep/idiot when messaging them

2) Be a good dad

Again, there are others, and I'm sure you have some of those, too. This is just a start.

In your case, I'd highly advise you to (WHEN YOU'RE READY) make a generic profile on your dating app of choice, do not add any pictures of yourself or any personal info, and just scope out the dating scene in your area. See who's out there and what they're all about. Use that info to begin formulating a framework for what/who you may be interested in, what a profile of your own might look like, etc.

There is other advice to be had for when you eventually do build your profile.

~

Noticing that you've really only been here for a couple weeks. How recent was your separation actually? Are you sure you're ready for this, or are you just planning ahead?

OKOKOK

We split when i found out of the affair in April this year, She was in the relationship with him from March this year. Finally gave up hope and started to move on early June. I am nowhere near ready to date I am just a overthinker but yeah thanking ahead.

I am nowhere near ready to date I am just a overthinker but yeah thanking ahead.

In my opinion, I still think it would be a good exercise for you to build that generic profile with no photos/info. What have you got to lose?

Hell yeh! Ideally my future partner would have children and be done like me.

I’m only 32 but I’m finding single men similar age to me (or even up to 40) are looking for the mother of their future children and have decided to settle down now. I would love a man similar age to me to already have children and not want anymore and also understand that he will be my partner and not a new dad to my children, but can be a positive role model to them.

Singles dads are amazing, especially when they have got their crap together and put their children first...that is so appealing!

Absolutely. I married my ex when he had primary custody of his 3 kids. Lots of women, and men, don't have a problem with it. I forgot to mention, the boys' mother was almost completely out of the picture so when we married, I ended up being Mom.

At mybage now, i wouldn't want to step back in rearing kids again, but I'm old and tired now.

I hope so. I have two teen girls, and one of them is a real handful. She will graduate in three years, but I dont think I want to be alone for that long.

Funny thing. I have no problem dating a woman with kids. I don't want her to raise mine, nor I hers. I dated a woman for a while who had two kids a couple years younger than mine. Great kids. But I could never quite shake the feeling that she wanted me minus my girls. I think she felt that the package was too complicated for her. I don't fully get the cognative dissonance there, but okay.

Maybe I will find someone who is fine with an extended period of dating until my girls are grown, who knows. This stuff is complicated.

I’m a BH who just turned 60 and have three kids, 17, 15 and 11, who live with me 50% of the time. I’ve been divorced for about 2 years and started on OLD a few months before divorce was finalized. Women who have kids living at home p/t are willing to date me, but empty-nesters not so much. From what I’ve gathered, divorced women who have kids much prefer dating men with kids because we understand and accept the demands/responsibilities that come with kids, and they perceive men without kids to be self-centered.

I'm divorcing with primary custody of two school age kids, and have to say I probably wouldn't bother seriously dating a man who didn't have kids (read previous self-centered comment, or more like, people who don't have kids want to go out all the time and say things like "just get a babysitter!" Um, no.) Also I don't want to give birth to any more kids, so I would always feel like a childless man would want me to have his kids even if he told me otherwise (maybe I only feel like this because cheater exH lied about this to me? what do you think, SI? is this a thing or am I crazy?) Lastly, a man who has kids already knows what a post-pregnancy body looks like, and that's a huge fear/barrier for me being intimate with someone new. Therefore, a man with kids is waaay more likely to find someone IMHO...as long as HE doesn't mind dating a woman who also already has kids!

[This message edited by CallingSpades at 10:08 AM, July 20th, 2020 (Monday)]

To be fair to childless men, it's not that I feel they are "bad" in being self-centered - it's just that having kids is such a massive change to your priorities that I wouldn't even expect a childless man to be able to understand. I would fear he would resent my children.

I know my partner's first priority is his kids and he knows that my kids' need for me comes before his want for me. It simplifies things greatly, and I admire him more for the love and pride he has for his children.

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man who has kids already knows what a post-pregnancy body looks like, and that's a huge fear/barrier for me being intimate with someone new

Ohhhh yes, that too!

I haven't really started getting out there yet - I've cast a few lines, so to speak, and the difficult thing I'm finding is actually coordinating schedules. I'm not in any rush though so it's all good.

CallingSpades

I'm divorcing with primary custody of two school age kids, and have to say I probably wouldn't bother seriously dating a man who didn't have kids (read previous self-centered comment, or more like, people who don't have kids want to go out all the time and say things like "just get a babysitter!" Um, no.)

That's an interesting attitude - I'm not sure I've run across that. As in, someone who actually was looking for a man with kids. Then again, I haven't even created a dating profile yet, so what do I know?

Also I don't want to give birth to any more kids, so I would always feel like a childless man would want me to have his kids even if he told me otherwise (maybe I only feel like this because cheater exH lied about this to me? what do you think, SI? is this a thing or am I crazy?)

Depends on the guy I think. There are two single friends of mine that spring to mind - one really wants biological children and the other definitely doesn't want his genetics spreading (he'd date a single mother). That said, yeah, definitely I think there's a lot less pressure to have more kids when both people have them. I mean, I'm not really looking to have more kids at this point. I think with single people, in general, they are looking to have their own biologically.

Lastly, a man who has kids already knows what a post-pregnancy body looks like, and that's a huge fear/barrier for me being intimate with someone new. Therefore, a man with kids is waaay more likely to find someone IMHO...as long as HE doesn't mind dating a woman who also already has kids!

Maybe it's just me but I think that the older you get the more realistic you are in terms of what people's bodies look like. Also, honestly I can't see turning someone down because of the effects of pregnancy - I mean, you created life for god's sake. That's practically a miracle. Some of my male friends have been single their entire lives and I wonder about this, if there is a difference in attitude.

I'd be open to dating someone without kids (although my current plan is to not date for a while and focus on myself and building friendships), but I think my preference would be for someone with kids. That said, my last relationship broke up in part because blending our families didn't seem at all do-able. I have young school-age kids with developmental delays. He had one fully flown adult child and a very troubled teenager (drugs, depression, self-harm). So, I'm wondering if it works better if the kids are not too dissimilar in age. My guess is that, like anything else, it depends on the daters and the kids.

I wouldn't worry about it. You will find someone when you are ready. Ready being the key word. I think you also need to know what you are ready for.

At first, you may be only ready for short term dating and flings. It helps you to learn about the dating scene now, and get you back in the groove.

Later, dating may mean trying to find someone for the long term. Someone that is compatible with your children and you see a future with. With you being early days, make sure you focus on getting yourself mentally healthy, and then go on to stage one above. Make sure your kids are emotionally good before going onto stage 2.

Lastly, to answer you question, which I had as well after my exWWs affair, the resounding answer is YES. You will be able to find a partner (male/female) when you are ready. There are plenty of people out there that would date a Dad. I'm also a Father of 2 girls. It was never an issue b/c the ones who don't want to date a father of kids won't be responding to you. You should note it in your OLD profile. It cuts to the chase. Good luck and have fun

Also, honestly I can't see turning someone down because of the effects of pregnancy - I mean, you created life for god's sake. That's practically a miracle.

My boyfriend said almost exactly these words to me one time. You wouldn't believe the points you score with this attitude

Hawke

That said, my last relationship broke up in part because blending our families didn't seem at all do-able. I have young school-age kids with developmental delays. He had one fully flown adult child and a very troubled teenager (drugs, depression, self-harm). So, I'm wondering if it works better if the kids are not too dissimilar in age. My guess is that, like anything else, it depends on the daters and the kids.

That's actually very interesting - I hadn't even thought of something like that.

HalfTime2017

Lastly, to answer you question, which I had as well after my exWWs affair, the resounding answer is YES. You will be able to find a partner (male/female) when you are ready. There are plenty of people out there that would date a Dad. I'm also a Father of 2 girls. It was never an issue b/c the ones who don't want to date a father of kids won't be responding to you. You should note it in your OLD profile. It cuts to the chase. Good luck and have fun

I've been talking to a few women, starting to get my feet wet or whatever but the topic of cheating comes up. It's A LOT more prevalent than I would have thought. Some of the women I've talked to admit to cheating, which I have to admit turns me off at this point.

JanaGreen

My boyfriend said almost exactly these words to me one time. You wouldn't believe the points you score with this attitude

Lol, well I said practically because of my beliefs with regard to religion, lol. THAT said, I don't have washboard abs, even if I did I don't expect washboard abs/flat stomach/etc in a partner. Honestly I would take loyalty, a fun attitude during sex, and someone I could talk to, over someone with a taunt stomach or whatever, any day of the week.

The one guy I know who demands perfection is also a rampant cheater. I say 'I know' because I used to be friends with him way back when, but not for decades at this point.