SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Husband went off to NY in May to spend a week with someone he met online. I only found out about the affair when he left and was still in the air.

Long story short, he said he wanted to work on the marriage after I confronted him a day after he returned home. So for the past couple of months he told me he wanted to work on the marriage but was in fact still in touch with the witch. He left our home after I asked him about it.

I tried to keep our marriage together after he said he wanted to but you can’t make anyone stay with you if they do not want to. So now I have decide to let him go, as much as it hurts me. I do not recognise the man I married. So am now talking to a lawyer.

I am scared of what the future holds. It is going to be a rough ride but I have to believe we will come out stronger.

[This message edited by GShale at 2:29 PM, Sunday, August 22nd]

I know that the future seems scary now, but it will be far less tense than wondering where your WS is when he's not home, or if he takes off again, or tries to hide finances, or.......

Wait until you see how many divorced members chime in; many that also didn't work for years. You may be surprised by the responses.

Mine EXW walked out in 2016, left me with the kids, and it took my until this past June to get divorce finalized. The quicker you get there, the better you'll be. Just pay attention to everything financial: spending, bank accounts, bills. Don't let him gaslight you or string you along, just get it done. You'll feel better. Don't fear the future, it will work out.

For me, it helped a lot to break down my fears and think about each one. Like, thinking about the future without him seems scary, but exactly what about it is scary? And then I tackled each thing individually.

For example, I was worried about money. So I made a budget and figured out how much I could spend for housing and food and so on. Turns out, I'm fairly comfortable.

I was worried about my looks, and not meeting potential new partners because I would look too old/fat/boring/whatever. So I started working up a good skin care routine, eating better, drinking water, and walking. I am not ready to start dating but when I am, I will be looking so good!

And like that. Some of my fears were actually silly, some were just not based in reality, and some were easy to overcome. I was also afraid of just being alone or lonely, or of being sad or that it would hurt not to have him around. As it happens, none of that will kill you, and none of it was worse than the pain of being ignored in my marriage or being betrayed or lied to.

I am 6 months out today. Sometimes it still hurts to think that this man, who I loved so much and sacrificed so much for, is never going to be part of my life any more. I mean, it hurts. It feels like my ribs are coming off my sternum sometimes, it hurts so much. But the thing is, it hurt so much worse when he was having his EA and rubbing my face in it. It hurt so much worse being rejected and ignored. The pain I have now, can sometimes feel truly awful, but not near so bad as what I left.

[This message edited by WarriorPrincess at 11:16 PM, Sunday, August 22nd]

Thank you for the supportive messages. It really helps to hear how others have managed. It also opens my eyes to how I have allowed him to treat me so bad when all I ever did was love him.

I will come out stronger.