SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi all! Have not posted for years here but feel like I need to post re dating. Usually when I post things are going terribly wrong and you guys are awesome to direct my head in the right direction - so thank you in advance !!

There is this guy - let’s call him B. I met him soon after my life went in pieces (whopping 10 years ago). It did not work out. Then over the years we have tried quite a few more times - clearly not successful. On a flip side I know feel I know him very well and understand some of the issues which i did not understand at the time…

We reconnected in Summer. He helped me moved house. Got me on the fitness programme (I had put on some weight), helped with quite a few other things. I have been treating and seeing him as a friend. But somehow I feel not a friend and he keeps on confusing things - like kissing me not like friends kiss. At this point he has met my friends etc etc, but I only met his friends few years ago.

He also has ocd and it’s quite severe in terms of eating so dinner or eating out with him happens very rarely. So we talk a lot but we don’t meet very often.. he lives with his parents .. and my mum is with me so for having sex we don’t even have the place right now :). I do feel wanted and liked and he has done quite a few things for me (which are amazing for me - lost 15kg under his guidance which alone is gold worth). And other equally good things.

But as I am confused on terms of what we are now… I have gone out to few dates with another guy.

And this guy so far is everything anyone could ever want from a man - ok he treats me exactly how I want to be treated - almost like it’s too good to be true.

Amazing restaurants, bookings in advance, sending me flowers regularly. Telling me he dates one girl at the time and is falling for me. Planning trip to Paris to stay on cheval de blanc hotel just because I mentioned in passing I want to try it.. so you get the picture..

My heart is with B. But at this point I am ok to go with the other guy if we are just friends with B.. we are so close with B though I feel he knows my soul and he has been there for me quite a bit..

I am starting to feel bad for juggling these options.. (not sleeping with any of them atm - but expect that to change soon)…

So what do I do is the million dollar question…

Hi! My suggestion would be to take a breath and figure out what you truly want. Then be upfront and honest about that with them. Ultimately you do not want to lead on the one if your heart does not feel it, but you also do not want to put yourself in a bad situation. I hope everything works out for you.

Mel- I say try both. You're dating right? This is not exclusive.

So give them both a try. I would say, from the sound of it, B has a long history, but it hasn't worked out romantically. Maybe you feel obligated to him b/c he has put in a lot of sweat equity towards you, but so do many friends. Friends often provide a lot of sweat equity, but it not necessarily mean it has to be romantic. Don't date him just b/c you feel obligated by his help. Date him b/c you really want to date him, and you have feelings for him. Otherwise, you're doing you both no favors down the road.

So I say if you're unsure, just date both and see which one is a better fit. As long as you don't lead them on, or tell them that you are monogomous, I don't see the issue.

Thank you guys!

Have to say I was going with dating both option but one of them left the distance. And that was the new guy. Just started disappearing and fading out so I called him out on that and the rest is history.

With B we are still moving forward. I think his unwritten expectation would be to be exclusive, and as the other guy did not work out - so we are.

I do want to date him and be with him but as we have had unsuccessful starts few times I am little guarded, but that is starting to fade. So I am cautiously optimistic and will see - only time will tell.

Thank you for the perspective - as always super valuable !