SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So after 2 years from divorce, I decided to date. Was someone I knew in high school. I came to this group with a couple yellow flags. Folks told me to walk away. I stayed. Three years in next week. Found out he did crack, got drunk and had sex with someone while I was out of country with my dying dad. I don’t drink, only use what is prescribed to me and no opiates as they make me sick. How did I allow myself to get in this situation. Now I get to extricate myself from this relationship. I am numb, not angry, not sad just numb. I found out on March 10th. We went out to listen to some music. Started off great then he had a few too many. Went to his house, in his drunken state he said " You’re stupid, why are you with me anyway? I’m not a good person. You don’t know what I did". He then went to the bathroom where I heard a big crash. Opened the door and there he was on the floor with pants down. Nice. He made it to the couch, i searched his phone - which he had given me the password to help me feel safer in relationship and said he had nothing to hide. Phone showed he had semi blacked out on drugs and booze and had sex with an unknown female that his friend said was like a zombie when he…I haven’t seen him since.

I am stupid to have stayed. The weekend my dad died he was doing this, now I know why he didn’t answer when I called. Next time, if there is a next time…I will follow the wisdom of this group. On a positive note, I have not been intimate with him. Now I know why on that end too, still going for testing. Blah. I’ll be 56 next week. Thanks for listening!

Good on you for walking away!

Not stupid, but human like the rest of us. Your gut was telling you things- now you know to listen to it.
Glad you are dumping him. And I’ll be 55 shortly- we’ve got more time left in us :-) so this lesson learned will serve you well in your next relationship.

Take extra good care of yourself this weekend.

Thanks for the encouragement devotedman and BearlyBreathing. I deserve much better, but first time with myself.

You are not stupid, my friend!

We are always learning, no matter our age. What is important that you take the life lessons you are shown and continue to grow.

But I am so sorry this happened to you. Breakup suck.

And I am so sorry about your father!

I'm so sorry about the loss of your father. (((hugs)))

Not stupid at all!! How else can we practice our newly-discovered boundaries without meeting some shitheads in the process?

I've had a few dates with men I really should have stopped seeing after date 1 or 2. But the more I did it, the better I got about walking away the moment I felt unfulfilled.

I think you are brave. You had a relationship post divorce! You got out there, you know you can do it. Ok he was a schmuck, you know now. And you are better prepared for the next time.

I haven’t made it past a 2nd date. So good for you!

Today is my birthday and I celebrated by telling him I knew about his cheating and now we are done. I was calm and stated the facts. He tried to gaslight but I just said you did do this and you have a problem. I’m out. He then said well we are done. If I had found out something about you like that I’d be done too. Then he went for a walk and I got the little bit of stuff I had at his house. I did have a few tears after I drove away. I told myself I dodged another bullet. Yesterday I went to the STD clinic and got throughly tested while reminding myself I had nothing to be humiliated about. 😕

Thanks for your support as usual SI. I’ll definitely take time to regroup and maybe go and see a therapist again to work on that picker and myself!

That sounds like an excellent plan!

Huge huge hugs to you, and happy birthday! I'm sorry your NB turned out to be a turd but now onto better things!

Happy birthday mitz!