SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It still hits hard. About once or twice a year. Still after all this time.

What is triggering it?

Nothing really. I mean, I won't lie. EVERYDAY there are very tiny reminders. (Heh,I've literally counted 9 days in the last 13 years that I haven't thought about it in some capacity) Seeing the color truck the AP drove, hearing a certain song. Stupid insignificant stuff like that. And 99.9% it takes about 1/10th of a second from me. Just rolls off the shoulder. Barely a thought. But about once or twice a year it just sticks. Weird.

Just still amazes me that after all this time, I can still be susceptible to damn memories.

Big hugs and be gentle to yourself. This is not an easy road and no one fully escapes the memories even if healed and moved on. Maybe find a hobby or something you enjoy that you can do when it gets hard on those days to try to help your brain function. It's not a race to feel better.

20 years later and I agree. It’s always floating around in my brain.

It's been over 35 for me and I still get mind movies, but not as often now.

Same here.

I think the betrayal changes us, literally, in our brains, especially if we trusted our spouses unequivocally.

That ongoing memory behavior probably has a historical survival advantage. As evidence, I would indicate that us posters are still alive!!!

In my case, my FWS completely forgot our anniversary AGAIN, just 3 weeks ago. Part of me thinks that she probably never thinks about the affair, despite the fact that she is the one who had it, despite the fact that she's the one who fucked another guy in our bed, as well as plenty of other places, the very same bed we still have, and who literally confessed on the 18th anniversary of the very same anniversary that she forgot.

I suppose, just like my ongoing remembrance of all of this shit, her lack of remembrance must also convey some sort of survival advantage, just not the same survival advantage, that my remembrance conveys.

Maybe her forgetting enables her survival of her behavior, and my remembering insures that I won't tolerate it again? I think it would only be fair, if the reverse were true!

That way, she could remember that she was married, so she wouldn't cheat, and I would forget that she didn't cheat because she never did?

But, the very definition of "cheating" is that it isn't fair!

WTF?

Just still amazes me that after all this time, I can still be susceptible to damn memories.

Betrayal is a big TRAUMA. I am always surprised it is not considered a CRIME since it causes a trauma.

"It's been over 35 for me and I still get mind movies, but not as often now." said.

Mind movies, well said. Happens once a year or so. Still, things are as good as ever. We made it through the destruction and came out better than we went in.

Just wish I wouldn't get sucked into the "theatre" every now and then.

If you are still together you should share these moments together. And if she is still truly all in she will gladly be partners with you thru it and show compassion.