SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It’s been happening more lately for some reason. I’m on social media (Reels specifically) because I have ADHD and I will mindlessly scroll. I keep seeing infidelity posts. Some are therapists who are selling some programs, some are "ladies if your Ph is off he’s cheating" type posts. Normally I really try to scroll by but unfortunately I sometimes give in to reading the comments.

The vast majority of comments are "leave him", "immediate divorce", "he will do it again have some self respect" type comments.

I learned long ago that it’s way too difficult to speak about infidelity with those who haven’t been there. The ones who say they left and we are all better off leaving a cheater are the ones that really get under my skin.

It’s hard for me to stay off social media and I feel like I need to learn to see these posts and comments and not apply them to myself and my situation.

Sometimes it really scares me and I think The Universe is sending me signs (yes, I have OCD and BLD)

So, do you find social media to be helpful or not?

Social media is the devils work.

The negatives far outweigh the positives, due to their business model. Click-bait shouldn’t even be a word, yet billions and trillions of dollars depend on it. Your mental health and well being is worth nothing in that world.

JMHO

[This message edited by HouseOfPlane at 4:59 PM, Tuesday, May 7th]

If you reply to a topic, the algorithm shows you more reels or posts on that topic. When I wasn't looking for things related to this topic, it never occurred to come across certain topics.

Social media know what you look for on search engines and know if you paused or liked or commented on a topic and will offer you other things to read about that topic.

Give your likes to holidays and more holiday packages will come your way.

What I hate about social media is the easy access to anyone in any part pf the world, therefore geographical distances seem a joke. People get immediately in touch and that has offered so many men and women the opportunity to betray their spouse and it is so sad and so offensive of people's dignity. To o easy nowadays to stay, too many temptations and people are really weak.

The universe isn't sending you a sign. Zuckerberg is. Our phones are "listening" to us all the time, and they know the interests of the people nearby. My H and I were watching The Great British Bake-Off last night, which isn't something that he usually watches, and all of a sudden, his reels feed was full of GBBO videos.

A friend of mine said that she was merely in the room when her H and his DND friends were having a discussion about swords, and then her feed was full of ads for swords. She never googled anything. It was either that the phone picked up the conversation, or that it knew she was in the presence of a lot of awesome nerds who might like a new sword.

I do very little social media.
However two different people in my life both recently mentioned this same phenomenon about having conversations about a topic and then that same topic showing up on their social media feed.

Most of our phones are passively listening and then actively marketing to us.

Deleted mine in 2018

I really just want Reels for puppy videos and nail polish and cupcake decorating! My Gen Z kids also send me funny stuff. It’s sad that I have to to remove myself that typically brings me some joy just so I don’t get triggered. I already got rid of Tik Tok so I guess I need to find new hobbies!

I’ve been all over the place looking at infidelity recovery. Here’s what I have found.

No shortage of people offering services to help save a marriage after an affair, but in my opinion almost all of them are scams, place blame on BS, do some kind of rug sweeping and charge a ridiculous amount of money.

On public forums, from the r community, and all of the forums in between, vast majority will insist that D or leaving is the only way after affair and that to R is a lack of self respect, a form of codependency (which is an incredibly misunderstood term) and weakness. SI is one of the few places I have found where you won’t be treated with contempt for attempting R.

My opinion is that is that there’s a lot of hurt and a lot of people project their own feelings and experiences on to every story. Most of the other forms are people who didn’t even get a chance at R because spouse left for AP. Creates an echo chamber of pain and anger. The r community has a disproportionate of vile towards unfaithful wives, and will rarely support BHs in R. Ticktock, YouTube are also full of people mocking WS stories where someone will read their posts and the comment sections are vitriol with hatred. Again, also seems to be a huge thing of bashing unfaithful wives and cheering the BH leaving her.

My point is that a lot of that content is created not to help or heal, but to generate views. Drama and anger fuel the fire and the more sensational the more views. It’s rare to get an infidelity post from those streams that is actually helpful. It’s all about views. Anger fuels views. Most SM will display content based on your search’s.

If you want to stay on SM, then I’d recommend delete any infidelity related topics from your history and then spam search with all of the things you like. Just type over and over puppies and whatever, view a ton of them, and don’t view any infidelity related posts. It will reduce a lot of that content.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 5:58 PM, Thursday, May 9th]

We are being monitored in more ways than we can imagine.
When you go to this site and/or any other infidelity-issue site there are several marketing analysis engines trying to figure you out. Not to mention the passive listening I too think our phones and smart-tv’s and whatever might be doing. Based on this you will be presented options that these engines think would fit within your interest. This is both to entice you to stay, as well as connecting those offering services and products your activity indicates you are interested in a potential client.

If you really want to throw these engines into a tizzy... Well... I do a lot of DIY and I sometimes fix my own truck. Plus I like fly-fishing and I read sites on relationships and human behavior and interaction. On a "normal" week where I’m not fixing something at home and my old truck doesn’t need a new shock-absorber my social media and advertising tend to be rather general or outdoor/fishing related. As if they can’t discern my gender. Once I start searching for topics like "how to change the rear differential" I notice the adverts change. The "logic" seems to assume that since I’m into fishing AND cars I am probably male, and since I’m looking at sites about relationships I must be looking for a Russian bride... So that’s what I tend to get for a week or so.

The ones who say they left and we are all better off leaving a cheater are the ones that really get under my skin.

In many ways I agree with that. The issue is that this group tends to be loud in the beginning of a new posters thread, and often use terms that are demeaning and have negative implications. Like we can argue that the phrase "cuckold" can apply to any husband with a cheating wife, but we also have a negative association with that phrase way beyond the negativity of the affair itself. It implies the H is weak, indecisive and/or has some inability to deal with the issues. That’s why most of us avoid using that term or any abbreviation or deviation from it. Having someone come online and virtually scream at you that if you don’t file NOW you are a cuckold and will be a cuckold until you divorce... not likely to lead to any constructive interaction with the poster. A comparable message can be gotten across using gentler words.

However... the ones that really get under my skin are the posters who consistently and loudly say we are all better off leaving a cheater, yet are still with their cheating spouses and don’t seem to be divorcing nor reconciling.