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Last week I had an IC session which left me feeling quite positive. My counsellor got me thinking in news way, easier ways for me to get through the day to days while deciding what future course I choose to take. And since then I had been actually feeling quite confident in R.

But today I reached out to a younger co-worker and friend to see if she was ok as she just found out her partner of close to two years has been seeing to other women at the same time they were seeing each other. Anyways I didn’t actually know she knew about my husbands affair but turns out she does and told me ‘I was a stinger woman than her’.

Well that has just got me all very emotional. I told her I wasn’t strong but just chose what I think is the best option out of the two shitty ones I had. But it’s more than that. I feel pathetic for not leaving and I know in my heart the reason I have kicked my POS husband out is because I just can’t share my son.

Bloody australia always gives 50/50 custody to parents when they are both good parents which I know is the best thing to do for the child but it just feels so u fair. This would be the second child I have to ‘share’ and I just can’t do it. I need to see him everyday not just half his life. It has broken my heart with my oldest son and I won’t let it happen again.

Fuck I hate what this pathetic excuse of a man has created for us. I fucking hate it 😭💔

You’re not pathetic for staying. To try and fix and rebuild, especially when the conventional wisdom is to leave is incredibly hard, and requires strength. Working to keep the family together is a strength. I’m old fashioned and I firmly believe in keeping families together within reason. (I absolutely condemn abuse, addictions, and do believe adultery is a form of both and perfectly acceptable to leave.)

The pathetic one is your WH who decided cheating was an option. I have sons and daughters, and I can’t imagine looking at them if I ever hurt their mom the way cheating does. I can’t imagine raising my kids with that sin burned into my heart.

What I suggest though, and I don’t know if your WH is trying or anything like that, just don’t burn yourself to keep son full time. I understand, I have 5 kids, and I’d be lying if I said they weren’t a significant factor in me attempting R. I decided I would try because of them, but I set my limits. As much as I would love a happy together family, I had to make sure that I could still be the best me for them, and if that meant leaving so be it.

Give yourself grace and patience. If I remember correctly you are still very fresh since dday. The first 12-18 months are brutal, and it is no matter R or D. Allow yourself healing. Once you get through it, you will feel better and feel better about what ever decision you end up making.

{{Hugs}}

Sending you a hug. This shit is hard.

You DO sound strong to me. Nothing pathetic there. I’ll agree that your son being in a happy home is best, so if things are bad, please leave your WH. BUT if he is trying and making progress and you can be content there, then I think that is okay. It is your life, your choice, and you and only you can decide what is right for you and your DS.

Sending strength (even though you don’t need it). (((Hugs)))