SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I just have to vent today.

Today is Father’s Day here and I’ve realized over the last few weeks how little involvement my WH actually has with his kids. I’ve always joked about being a single married mom who does everything because of his long, bad work hours (which apparently made his A much easier as he would just go to her house when he was "working" at night), but it really hit me how little my kids have gotten from their dad over the years and how much more they deserve. Which then breaks my heart even more because I am 99% sure if we D he will see them even less. I hate going on social media today seeing everyone post about their husbands being “the most amazing dad in the world! We are so lucky!” 🤮. Can’t relate.

I also made a consultation call with a lawyer and it gutted me. My husband receives a pension but it’s technically a disability pension (not through social security, he was a public employee who was forced to medically retire and receives a pension). I always thought I would be entitled to half of the pension but apparently I am not because it’s not a "regular" pension. So now I’m even more stressed about money and being a single mom if it comes to that. I didn’t contribute to my own 401k as much as I should have because he would always tell me "we will have my pension, that’s our insurance for the future".

Everything just feels like shit. I don’t see any future where I can be happy. I don’t want to uproot my kids from the only home they’ve known in a town where they are so involved in things but I can’t afford it on my own and child support calculators online say I wouldn’t even get very much even though my husband makes a lot more than I do when you combine his salary and pension. And my job is ending in a few months. I’m overwhelmed just thinking about it because that in itself is going to be a huge change as I’ve been so fortunate to have a flexible work at home job in a field and rank that doesn’t offer that very often. I’m pretty sure I won’t be able to find that again based on preliminary job searches and conversations with people in my field. I’ll be forced back into a regular 9-5 office job throwing off our schedules and my ability to take my kids where they need to be after school.

I can’t do it all on my own. I don’t WANT to do it on my own. He took my dreams and my future and my kids ability to have a happy family away from all of us.

I’m sorry for the long rant, I just don’t have anyone who I can talk to in real life about all of this and I’m spiraling. I’m avoiding my family and friends because I don’t want people to know what’s going on or talk about it or hear opinions about what they think I should do. I can barely make it through my day to take care of my kids. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.

[This message edited by Marie82 at 3:47 PM, Sunday, June 16th]

Marie82, I feel your pain. Just yesterday I was thinking of how little time my WW spent with our son in the last year (even though the EA started about 5 months ago). She forgot about Father’s Day (someone reminded her in a text) and then she offers to go to arcades together to get distracted from everything. Our son doesn't know what's going on and I want to go out with him, but I don't want to go to our at one time happy place and pretend that everything is fine.

You have been heard Marie. Similar story here. WH poured so much time and energy into work and coworkers. I always told myself he is such a hard worker and a good boss. But it was just a way for him to avoid family responsibilities.

His A brought his selfishness in every aspect of our life to the front and center, to include his lack of relationship with our children. Sadly, as the years pass I can see the long lasting effects it has on the kids. He is trying now, but in many ways the damage has been done. Fathers Day is hard because he hasn’t been the "greatest dad ever", like all the cards say! Ha. And in some ways it feels fake to celebrate.

I’m sorry to hear the talk with the lawyer left you uneasy and I can understand why. The good thing is that you took that step and now you can evaluate your options. I know you said that your job is ending and I can imagine that is so stressful. I really hope that something remote comes through for you. I completely understand how helpful it can be to work from home when you need to get the kiddos to their activities!