SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Now that I’m officially apart of the BS Club, I can’t help but notice the amount of infidelity there is out there. I do my very best to stick to SI - I feel like this is the most realistic, helpful and knowledgeable group in trying to heal from infidelity.

Man oh man, I am apart of some "mom groups" on FB because I like being able to ask questions about mom things. Unfortunately, these groups are becoming more like "just found out my husband is cheating" kinda groups. There is at least 2 posts per day I will randomly see that this awful discovery has been made … it’s so sad and heartbreaking and takes me back to my own Dday. I remember seeing posts like this from time to time prior to my DDay and would think to myself "wow, these poor women, how awful that must feel, I would leave if I were them, glad I have a husband I trust 🙄" Sigh. Here I am.

Is marriage becoming less and less of a thing? Looking at family, friends, friends of friends … lots aren’t happy, lots have divorced and not sure if the ones that are still married will stay married. Again, this makes me so sad because I truly believed in monogamy prior to this shitshow. I’m less than a year out, so maybe this is normal thoughts so early on, but I don’t know what I think or believe anymore in regards to fidelity - I’m so numb and dead inside because of what my WH has done that I feel like I won’t ever honour the sanctity of marriage like I used to. It’s like, the bearing it once has means shit and I’m trying to create a more realistic belief system around marriage.

I don't know that you can get reliable statistics on infidelity because it is generally by survey and self reporting and you are relying on liars for some of your data. Others simply wouldn't want to admit they were impacted as a BS because they rugswept.

I think the studies show something like 40% of marriages are "impacted" by infidelity with men cheating at a slightly higher rate than women.

See "Infidelity in heterosexual couples: demographic, interpersonal, and personality-related predictors of extradyadic sex"

I don't think these numbers have actually shifted much over recent history.

Doesn't make it suck any more or less to join the club though.

I agree, until this happened to me I didn’t really understand the amount of infidelity out there. The statistics are crazy high to what I thought they would be and to think they are the ones who admit it!

I think marriage is evolving and definitely very different to what my grandparents were. I can see some positives and negatives from this. I think also infidelity has always existed but spoken lot less about as now we have forums etc like this one where we have a safe space to talk about it.

The one thing I do hate is the judgemental posts and opinions from people who have no experience infidelity and make nasty comments about BS being weak for staying. Opinions like that screwed with my brain a lot at the beginning!

I suspect there might be more cheating (hello social media and apps!) but also that it is now talked about. How many BS have come here and had parents say to forgive them, keep quiet. And there is also that now you SEE it when you used to just see it. It jumps out at you when you see it in the pop culture, news, friend group, etc.. Remember that single pregnant women used to "go visit an aunt" for a few months and then return…. It wasn’t talked about. Or cancer. Always there, we just know now.

Social media and apps like WeChat and less savory websites plus mobile phones has made it easier than ever for folks to communicate secretly. That has made it so much easier to cheat. So opportunities abound if you are inclined.

And yeah, I think nearly all of us were shocked at how badly infidelity hurt and the damage it did. Definitely a case of walking in someone’s shoes. I am guilty of not understanding the devastation and I wish I had been more empathetic and sympathetic to folks who went through this that I knew before I was cheated on.