SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

This has really affected me and I am so down about it all. My OHs best friend also happens to be my cousin. I loved his wife so much and I am gutted that it has transpired he was seeing this OW for two years of their 15 yr marriage and eventually left her for the OW. My husband has met the OW and remains the loyal friend. They have just bought a new home together. His STBXW was so mentally ill when it came out. But has now moved on. I am still raging. I can’t imagine ever having a civil relationship with this woman who happens to be same age as my daughter. I am just disgusted. Are men that weak? Everywhere I turn, it’s the same old story. I honestly think men just can’t help themselves. And any who say they wouldn’t leave their families for a woman half their age who happens to be very attractive with very big breasts and Botox lips etc , only say that as they haven’t had the opportunity yet. That if they were offered it on a place like this guy was, that they would all be at it. Sorry to the guys who truly believe they are not capable of this. I just feel so untrustworthy of men full stop. Rant over

ktez,

You know, every time my husband had an affair, the woman was willing. That said, every time a woman has an affair, the man is willing, too.

People who have affairs find willing partners, period.

It’s not a man thing. It’s a cheater thing.

I’ve been loyal for the 20+years I’ve been with my wife. If I had wanted to, I would have had many opportunities to step out on my W, especially as I’ve gotten older and more established in my career.

My W is the one who has an affair.

The AP of your friend certainly knew that he was married, sure didn’t stop her from being the OW. They both are the ones with the problem.

I think the real issue is your WH insisting on being friends with her. In my opinion, that is not a couple who are friends of the marriage, especially in a post affair marriage. I would never be okay with my WW continuing that friendship.

I know I’m being completely sexist and generalising all men. It’s just my own insecurities surfacing. Just makes me feel so vulnerable after my own husbands affair 10 years ago with a much younger woman. And now my cousin/his best friend has done the same on his wife. Feel like giving up now and moving into a one bedroom bed sit, never to see the light of day again and be open to any future pain. Sorry for offending any loyal guys out there.

This loyal guy forgives you

It’s very understandable that this would rattle you. I hope you can say what you need to say and do what you need to do to come back to peace.

So let me get this straight? He's 50, she's 25 and the first 2 years of their relationship was an affair? And now that they've gone public, he's not only going to have to contend with explaining to everyone in his life that he's blown up his marriage for a 25 year old, but he's also going to have to face the financial reality of divorce?

Yeah... that's definitely going to last. A real fairy-tale.

ktez - I'm sorry for your friend, and I'm sorry this has impacted you so much but from these seats, it's laughable. This guy hardly seems like a prize.

Oh I completely get this, it was my exact thoughts when my POS WH (41) had an affair with a 23 year old from his work. Get sent a picture of her tits and apparently I’m a tyrant of a wife.

I remember laughing in his face, telling him how pathetic he was and he was nothing but a pathetic cliche. I would always bring up the age difference and one time he replied ‘who cares how old she was’. Well
Let me just tell you how he regretted saying that, he was lucky he didn’t get a punch to the throat.

However since then, doing infidelity research it’s clearly not just a man thing! Either way though it really is just pathetic and I would not be able to be their friend either!

It would be perfectly OK..healthy..to tell your wh to NC this friend. I don't care who's cousin he is. He's a cheater. He's toxic. Of course this is going to be a huge trigger for you. Your wh should protect your heart,and mental well being. He should understand going nc,considering the friends behavior.

Also..he was 48 when he started dating a 22-23 year old? Gross.

This will not end well for either of them, neither of them have won a prize. This is someone that does not belong in your circle, family or not, go NC.

I honestly think men just can’t help themselves. And any who say they wouldn’t leave their families for a woman half their age who happens to be very attractive with very big breasts and Botox lips etc , only say that as they haven’t had the opportunity yet. That if they were offered it on a place like this guy was, that they would all be at it.

Not true, I have integrity and protect my reputation and my M with everything I have.

Please review the guidelines before making generalizations like this.

It’s not uncommon for older men to go for younger women, and there’s no shortage of women who want older men. I am trying to say this without arrogance or anything, I noticed as I got more established in my life and career there were a lot of younger women who tried very hard to get my attention.

I understand your insecurities completely.

Why does your WH insist on keeping this relationship with these people? More so, why is he being loyal to the OW? That’s honestly disgusting, and another betrayal in my opinion. He throws the wife under the bus and is a friend with the AP? This is the real issue here. In my opinion he should want absolutely nothing to do with her, and should be on your side supporting the BW with you. Me, personally, if my WW was being loyal to the OM/W in that situation i would divorce her.

The best part of this is that your friend could buy shares in a popcorn store.

People are gonna need it while they watch the drama in his new relationship as it crumbles because of the suspicion and jealousy that will surely surround everything they do until one or the other ends up in another affair.

A gentle warning about generalizations.
The one made in the original post is definitely a breach of the guidelines of this site.

Keep in mind that a significant number of posters here are men who have gone through the agony of infidelity. Being classified this brutally is both insulting and degrading for them.

Thanks. I did apologise shortly after posting. I realise it was so unfair of me to lash out like that and I will think before I post in future.
Apologies again to any offence caused.

What does OH stand for?