brokenandcrazy (original poster new member #57320) posted at 7:47 PM on Wednesday, October 23rd, 2024
I haven't posted here but I have been lurking since 2016. I don't want to go over my story but I am triggering really hard.
My husband was aught sexting from the day i met him with multiple women online and continued into the first few years of our marriage. He and one of the women I confronted Claimed it was only a porn addiction gone too far. He was also using alot of porn and neglecting me. I know from texts recovered that one woman who lives in another town sent him a msg that she was waiting at a specific hotel in our town. No responses were discovered so he told me they never met which I know was a lie.
He also had a woman he was sexting start suddenly going to his gym. He told. Me he thought it was weird she was following him around but never thought to tell me.
Well I stayed for reasons I don't want to go over, we had 1 kid at the time I found out and now we have 3. I have been mostly happy, and a few times a year I get triggered, I get upset and get over it and continue on.
Well now My husband has an opportunity to be in a commercial, and they are paying for him to fly to another state, pay for room and meals and paying for his time. He leaves in a few days and I'm just triggering hard. We never go on dates, we have never had A vacation we have No one to watch the kids except his incompetent mother who couldn't take care of him let alone my 3 kids. He was a latch key kid at 5 years old to a single mother. So I get to stay home alone for what was supposed to be 1 day but has now turned into 2 nights.
I have zero trust in him and I'm having a complete break down. I need to complain somewhere I have no one to talk to. I'm so broken, I need advice on how to silent quit my marriage. I won't divorce right now due to circumstances but I need to detach and focus on me. I can't keep living like this.
I came from a household with a narcissist father, so I've had a rough life and been emotionality abused my entire life.I always try to be happy and see the good but this week I'm just falling apart. Help 
Me:BW
Him:WH
married 2014
Dday june 2016
massive TT
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 8:30 PM on Wednesday, October 23rd, 2024
(((brokenandcrazy))) really sorry you are triggering and also the way you feel in your M. I can relate as I had a serial cheating xWS and basically stayed for the kids and finances at the time. I was in limbo for a good decade before I left my M.
Unfortunately since you sound like you are not in R my only suggestion is to find ways to detach and definitely implement the 180 for your own sanity. Make your life about you and the kids but this also means turning a blind eye to your WS and I know how hard that is. Even though I was fully detached from my WS during the last half of my M what he did (continued A's, lying, gaslighting) still affected me on some level.
Do you have a therapist? If not I would highly suggest having one and having them help you to detach and transition out of the M (when you are ready of course).
fBS/fWS(me):51 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:53 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(21) DS(18)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorced 8/8/24
Fantastic ( member #84663) posted at 9:57 PM on Wednesday, October 23rd, 2024
I'm so broken, I need advice on how to silent quit my marriage. I won't divorce right now due to circumstances but I need to detach and focus on me.
You already have a lot inside you, you just need to let this sink in and you need a good support. I am sure a good therapist will be able to guide you.
I have the feeling your husband is the second narcissist of your life. It is not because of you he misbehaves but because of HIM.
You deserve better and by taking care of yourself you can life a happy and fulfilling life. Please see a GOOD therapist and fi d time to look after yourself.
[This message edited by Fantastic at 9:58 PM, Wednesday, October 23rd]
