SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

We have a routine of sorts, a bit of TV in the evening before bed. Either series or movies depending on time. I noticed he kept choosing horror movies/shows. At first I thought it was because Halloween was approaching, but it has continued. My thinking now is that it is because it’s less likely to have A’s in the story line. We’ve watched stuff with affairs and it makes me so sad I sometimes cry. One movie was particularly bad because the details were so similar to what he did. At one point I told him watching A’s on TV was horrible. I guess he listened!

Not many people know about his A. So when someone starts talking about what their X did to them, or what their friend is going through, and how anyone could stay with their cheating spouse is beyond their comprehension…. It sucks. I feel like crawling into a hole.

A’s are everywhere, they cannot be avoided.

My question: how do you deal with these situations?

For a long time, I didn't watch movies unless I knew them and that infidelity wasn't involved (for several years). I watched a lot of cooking shows. It kept me from having TV Tourette syndrome - when infidelity did come up in a show, I couldn't help but yell profanities.

As for people saying they couldn't stay, just add the phrase "until it happens to you" to the end . They don't really know until it happens to them. I would not put any value in their words. And the person who said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" was lying. I recognize that the words hurt, but they're also coming from a place of ignorance. If we were from the South, this would be a Bless their heart scenario.

A’s are everywhere, they cannot be avoided.

My question: how do you deal with these situations?

Ahhh, so true.

My wife watches that stupid show Hoarders. One episode we were watching a few weeks back had cheating as a central theme. Husband was in an active affair with a coworker and the couple were staying with this "friend" when they got evicted. I found it VERY uncomfortable to watch (beyond all the normal "hoarder filth"). My wife seemed somewhat "unaware" but maybe she felt acknowledging the discomfort would break her "rugsweeping spell".

Even shows you would think this wouldn’t come up, BOOM, there it is. I had starting watching "Rescue HI Surf" because I have always loved the North Shore of Hawaii and surfing (it is very Baywatchesque, however). One of the main storylines now is the main character and her affair with her engaged ex……..yay.

The other thing where this pops up all time is music. I never really noticed before but probably one out of every 10 songs you hear is about cheating. I have started listening to more country musics lately and it’s probably 1 out of 3 (or more). I just made a trip to the dump (a 15 minute round trip) and heard "Stay" by Sugarland (song from the POV of the other woman), "I told you so" by Keith Urban and "Cheater, Cheater" by Joey and Rory. I had never heard the last one before. At least I got a laugh from the lyrics:

"Now I'm not one to judge someone that I ain't never met
But to lay your hands on a married man's bout as low as a gal can get
Hey I wish her well and she rots in hell and you can tell her I said so
Cheater cheater where'd you meet that no good white trash hoe

Loser loser hope you love her cause your stuck with her now
Take your sorry butt load up all your stuff and get the hell out of my house
but I just wish you'd tell me this one thing before you go
Tell me cheater cheater where'd you meet that no good white trash hoe."

Honestly, (and somewhat sadly), I’m pretty numb to seeing it in shows, movies or hearing it in songs. I’ve thought about it every day for the past 2 1/2 years anyway. I don’t have to see or hear it in media to be reminded. I have a living, breathing reminder in my house 24/7……

Oddly, I find comfort in watching the OW’s heartbreak as she in discarded.

leafields, glad I’m not alone in this TV thing! It’s so hard to watch anything. And yes, everyone’s situation is different, but it’s still so hard to listen to people complain about a WS. Gotta let it go. PS, I’m in WA too!

ImaChump, Just got back from running errands and I think I heard 3 songs with A’s in them too. Glad I’m not alone in this, but I’m wondering if this every gets better. And yes, I agree, we are living everyday with the A’s in our houses. Sometimes it’s all I see when I look at him. I get so disgusted it kills me just a little bit more each time. Ugg. Thanks for your response.

OnTheOtherSideOfHell, Ha, I kind of love this! I am going to try to take this approach. Do you make eye contact with or look at WS, or just keep watching the telly?

Possumlover,

I don’t intentionally make eye contact, nor do I try to avoid it. I mostly laugh and make loud comments about stupid delusional women who are okay being a side dish and the idiots who find attention from such trash exciting. He usually gets up at that point. 😂😂😂I’ll never understand how anyone could be okay sleeping with someone knowing they are going home and doing the same thing with their spouse. 🙄 So I find their pathetic broken hearts hilarious.

I suppose A’s in movies/shows don’t bother me to the point where I’m heavily triggered. It’s truly nothing more than a passing thought. However, if my WH is in the room, I might make a snarky remark such as, "wow, what a POS hey?"

I watch a lot of true crime and surprise surprise, there is next to always a scorned spouse or lover involved in the murder. I also make comments (if he’s in the room) , "man, you sure got off easy with me."

Honestly, what triggers me more are "happy" movies/shows where a husband and wife are living happily ever after, raising the picture perfect family. This type of scenario brings me into my own reality that I don’t have this and wondering if I ever will

I think what gets me the most is hearing/seeing "real" people talk about infidelity and the ol "once a cheater always a cheater analogy. Whether it’s from stangers on the internet or family/friends who don’t know … it’s kinda tough to push down.

[This message edited by Heartbrokenwife23 at 9:33 PM, Thursday, November 28th]

Honestly it infuriates me…..the normalizing ……I see it everywhere and makes me feel like what the F*@k is up with our misogynistic world? Im so over it…

Possumlover,

I’m 6 1/2 years post DDay but I have a very vivid memory of going to a movie starring Blake Lively, with WH and crying through most of the movie. Ugh. Honestly, we avoided a lot of movies for a few years. I feel like time was what made it better. I still don’t like watching affairs in movies but it’s not as painful now.

Hugs!!