SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

What do you all say when he says things like he is sorry and that he still cares for me? Or when he says that he loves me?

Simply walk away without a word. Or if you really have to, an indifferent "I don’t believe you" or "your words mean nothing" will suffice.

After all, if he really was sorry, he wouldn’t still be continuing his affair right in front of your face.

The more emotional distance you get, the more you gain clarity. It will be a painful process, but it does take time. It will get better.

Are you in IC?

Working on getting an appointment for IC now. It is taking forever!

The short response I’ve come up with for people who are cheating but say they still love their spouse is "your actions show that your feelings of love are meaningless."

Your husband’s feelings of love or sorrow toward you are irrelevant when he’s treating you this badly.

Expressing love to you verbally while choosing every day to betray you is emotionally abusive. It’s the same relational pattern as the husband who beats his wife, feels bad, says he loves her, and then beats her again.

And he’s not sorry for his actions. At all. If he was, he would stop. When he says he’s sorry, he just means he doesn’t like dealing with the fact that betraying you and treating you horribly makes you (rightfully) upset.

But I think it’s more important to hold to the 180 than it is to try to have this conversation with him.

Tell him to save his breath, he is deliberately hurting you and slapping a phony "I’m sorry" on it. Let go of the hopes for R, he is actively hurting you. Set him free and maybe when he crawls on broken glass begging for another chance, you can consider it.

What do you all say when he says things like he is sorry and that he still cares for me? Or when he says that he loves me?

I might say ONCE, "Huh. Your actions aren't loving or apologetic."

After that, I'd ignore, ignore, ignore.

Indifference is the best revenge and here is the secret about indifference: It's a "fake it 'til you make it" emotional state.

You'll be angry, grieving, seething, destroyed...but APPEAR indifferent. Give him no emotional traction. Be a sea of calm indifference.

Let him believe it was easy to shake him off. He wasn't worthy of you anyway, and you are owning your own worth.

Act indifferent and the real indifference will come. He isn't worthy of emotional bandwidth. Use that bandwidth on caring for yourself and building your support network.

(((Hugs to you)))

[This message edited by BreakingBad at 8:09 PM, Tuesday, June 27th]

I would keep it short and sweet if you even need to say anything at all and just say "your actions say otherwise "

Please let go of him. You never want to be someone’s option.
You are worth so much more than that.

..."It looked like he was going to cry, so I left."
This is the way.
Facts.

Not making a choice, IS a choice. Remember that.

You are the prize here. You aren't anyone's Plan B.

You said you didn't want to express anger towards him,because you're hoping he will stay with you. That has me concerned. It tells me you will be walking on eggshells,if he stays. You won't express your pain and anger, which is necessary for you to heal.

Don't do that.

Who is this trash? Does she have a husband?

The 1stWife posted about no longer doing WS laundry. I did the same thing, may sound as punishment but I said if you had time to cheat and message our mutual friend non stop perhaps you have time to do your own laundry. You know what, I did a lot to unknowingly enable that affair, I made his life so easy. No more. I deserve time for me as well and I'm taking it back. Not a punishment but a reality check!

Spot in TruthSeeker77.

I felt like I have you everything and my best. My reward was 2 affairs.

After dday2 of Affair #2 I realized I need to come first. And I make sure every day that I do. Not as punishment. Not to be mean or self centered.

But as a way of getting what I need and bring my priority. Not letting everyone else be a priority.